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I wouldn't have a problem if my gf had some guy friends to hang out with, but she doesn't. If she did, I might be "suspect" of the guys intentions. That's only because my gf is "hot". Sorry if I sound "arrogant" or "cocky", but that's the truth. And being a guy myself, I would know what "most of them" would really want. Having said that, I admit, I am a bit of a hypocrite myself. Because I don't believe "all" guys would honestly want just one thing from her, but I would think "most" surely would.
I say this, because I have this friend who is a girl, and we've been friends since around 1991. Or, a little over twenty years. She's ten years older than I am. I am almost forty. She's pretty "hot", and I don't use that phrase much (I am very picky). But, although her face is hot, I never have looked at her as my type. A bit too skinny. Almost scrawny, and I'm not huge myself. Plus, she goes more for black guys than white guys. Which means nothing to me, but I am white. I've never been into her, and I don't think that she has ever been into me. But I think in the past, she had a crush on me. But once again, I really can't be sure. I hate to assume, so I'll say we both wanted nothing sexual from each other. We used to keep in touch alot, but we haven't that much over the last few years. Even when I lived 3000 miles away, we would still talk on the phone at least once a week. My only problem with her (as a friend-and I'd have the same problem if it were a guy) is she talks my head off. My god that girl can talk. We'd have an ongoing joke about when it was time to get off the phone. I would say, gee Missy (whoops-gave up her name), my house is on fire, I gotta go. She would just laugh. She knew I was teasing, but also knew that I was tired of talking. Sometimes I would say, my kid just ate a frog. Stupid things like that. My kid doesn't even live with me all the time, and she knows this, so she would just laugh.
I have had problems in the past with being friends with girls. Many would have boyfriends, then suddenly out of the blue, they would tell me that they think about me alot. Friendships over! So, it works both ways. Women will try the friend approach to try to get with you and so won't men. So, depending on what the guy looked like, I guess to be completely honest, I would have some reservations about my gf having a "close" guy friend. Especially since she doesn't now and hasn't since we met. So, yes I would be at the least, be a bit skeptical. I guess I would just have to trust her. If she's going to cheat, me telling her that she can't have some guy as a friend wouldn't alter that plan. Plus, I would never tell her who she could or couldn't hang out with. I'm not her boss. I might not like it, but I would just have to trust her and suck it up. She didn't like my friend Missy when they first met, and we first started dating. I had to reassure her over and over that she is not my type. That we've been friends for over twenty years that if something was going to happen, it would have already. She doesn't mind Missy at all now. Now their friends too. But she feels like me, boy that girl can talk! lol
Dont get me wrong i know plenty of women like that..in some respect women are worse then Men nowadays with cheating either physical or emotional..But if you trust your partner then no matter what the other persons agenda is doesnt mean your partner will do anything..
And if he or she does then they are a piece of garbage and would have cheated with someone eventually anyway even if it wasnt wit hthat friend..you cant lock a cheater in a house and hope that person is faithful because you dont let them go anywhere..
Better off you find out sooner or later what kind of person youre dealign with anyway then trying to shield them from meeting other people..
The question is situational in that if your relationship is strong, it wouldn't be a threat but the op's gut about his ex was right. Obviously they didn't seem to have much intimacy or a strong relationship. She didn't let you in her life 100% op, don't beat yourself up over it.
It is difficult to analyze some relationships.
Your statements about intimacy, I don't know if they hold value here. For example, we were intimate about 90% of the days/dates we spent together. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bragging. I had good days and bad days.
And the strong relationship comment... well, when it was just her and I, everything was great. Even around her family, which I spent about a dozen dinners/holidays with, the relationship was great. But throw her "friends" into the situation, and it was like the ex was a TOTALLY different person. It was lkke someone took the gf, and replaced her with this bad-ass, hot shot, chick that was almost "too good" for me.
But again, when we were alone, she would make comments like, "if you let me, I will love you forever."
But, then sometimes she would make the most rediculous comments that were really messed up that many men would run as fast and as far away as possible.
I guess every relationship is different, and every situation if different.
Trusting this woman was hard for me in the beginnin due to scars from my past. But she certainly didnt help matters with how she acted around her friends. A the end of the day, I know I have to be more trusting, but getting over some of the issues that presented themselves is important to learn from for next time.
Dont get me wrong i know plenty of women like that..in some respect women are worse then Men nowadays with cheating either physical or emotional..But if you trust your partner then no matter what the other persons agenda is doesnt mean your partner will do anything..
And if he or she does then they are a piece of garbage and would have cheated with someone eventually anyway even if it wasnt wit hthat friend..you cant lock a cheater in a house and hope that person is faithful because you dont let them go anywhere..
Better off you find out sooner or later what kind of person youre dealign with anyway then trying to shield them from meeting other people..
And if they don't they have to feel like crap and ditch a person they thought was a "friend" who only had crappy intentions in mind and not a friendship.
Thats not fun to deal with either. Or the awkward conversations of why you ditched them.
Why walk through poison ivy with long socks when you cant take the stone path right beside it?
To say you dared to to be brave or foolish enough walk in the ivy?
The light and air is just as good just a few feet over on the stones.
I think people who have opposite sex friends without drama probably just are not that attractive.
I used to think as above in my 20s and then found out it just wasn't worth the hassle or drama.
If it doesn't matter what is between the person's legs, I don't see why its so "sad" as others posted to have the same/opposite sex friends.
Well, I've never once had one of my male friends make a move on me, and I haven't made a move on them... And one of my close guy friends is actually a model for a very well know tennis equipment supplier and is ridiculously good looking.
Maybe I'm just super unattractive, and thank goodness for that because I'd hate to lose my guy friends.
Well, I've never once had one of my male friends make a move on me, and I haven't made a move on them... And one of my close guy friends is actually a model for a very well know tennis equipment supplier and is ridiculously good looking.
Maybe I'm just super unattractive, and thank goodness for that because I'd hate to lose my guy friends.
Update:
Me and the "Ex" are trying to reconsile.
Had a great weekend, talked things over, expressed trust issues and communicated that trust has been reset, with a clean slate.
We hung out with just her and i on Friday, with my friends on Sat night, and On Sunday with her P's. Was a great weekend.
Then....
Last night she says, "can we talk, not sure how u are going to feel about something?"
We talk, and she wants to meet up for a "dinner" with a guy she "casually dated" about a year and a half ago. They were intimate, but they were both datin other people also. Apparently the guy wouldnt commit, and he or she couldnt handle it, so one of them ended it. little confusing on who ended it....
She asked me how I felt about this. I slept for about 3 hours last night.
I told her this, "if you feel the need to see this guy, then do it. But why do dinner, why not coffee? Can I come with?" she laughed at the can i come with comment. Apparently, he "has something to tell her". I bet the farm, he wants to tell her he wants to date her again. But I don"t know this guy a all, so who knows....
How bad is this....? ugh!
Here's one of the red flags that I ended my recent relationship on; similar type of situation:
My exclusive bf asked me if he could take a girlfriend of mine, who is hot, to a ballgame. I was planning to have dinner with my sons the night of the ballgame but could have switched the plans in order to go to the ballgame. He told me I "should" go to the ballgame then sprang that question on me. Turns out the loser had been texting xgfs & others during our relationship. I didnt' "know" it at time but felt it, kicked him to curb 24 hours after this stupid issue came up & never looked back!
Update:
Me and the "Ex" are trying to reconsile.
Had a great weekend, talked things over, expressed trust issues and communicated that trust has been reset, with a clean slate.
We hung out with just her and i on Friday, with my friends on Sat night, and On Sunday with her P's. Was a great weekend.
Then....
Last night she says, "can we talk, not sure how u are going to feel about something?"
We talk, and she wants to meet up for a "dinner" with a guy she "casually dated" about a year and a half ago. They were intimate, but they were both datin other people also. Apparently the guy wouldnt commit, and he or she couldnt handle it, so one of them ended it. little confusing on who ended it....
She asked me how I felt about this. I slept for about 3 hours last night.
I told her this, "if you feel the need to see this guy, then do it. But why do dinner, why not coffee? Can I come with?" she laughed at the can i come with comment. Apparently, he "has something to tell her". I bet the farm, he wants to tell her he wants to date her again. But I don"t know this guy a all, so who knows....
How bad is this....? ugh!
Well, it's not great, but not necessarily a disaster.
While the knee-jerk reaction is to think of her as fickle, I'd give it enough time to see what happens.
See, if she were 100% sure about you, she'd be turning any and all other offers down.
So the bad news is, she's not 100% sure.
But the good news is, she could be at least 75% sure and is just wanting to take steps to be 100% convinced that getting back together with you is the right choice.
And really honey, you do want her to be sure before you risk your heart again, okay?
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