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Let me get this straight: you drove a couple hours, met a friend, went to a concert and then spent the next day chilling with some other people.
You don't think married people do this all the time? The caveat is this: married couples with no children are able to do this routinely. My husband and I do what you described quite often and wouldn't even characterize this as particularly eventful.
+1. Maybe it's a big deal in Iowa.
I do think a few of the single people on this board are looking for validation. I also think they want marriage, can't have it, grieve, and then set out to reconcile discomfort they experience over it. When I was single I was not worried about marriage, what married people were or weren't doing, and I never assumed I would be anything like anybody else. You people should make your own way and give up the sheeple MO.
I found at 35 i started asking the questions to myself about the future. Like how come I am single? Where should my future be? etc because i got that sense, I mean really got that sense and understanding that we are here for a limited time, And that if the average male life is 78 then i am halfway done. Took some long walks, And decided to relax and enjoy life and work at some goals. I would like to settle down but until that happens will enjoy and experience things. at this point, I (and others) still have 100% of our lives left, regardless of it being months, years, decades etc and tomorrow is guaranteed to no one. I feel one can enjoy life in many ways, even if they are looking to change it for themselves.
Spent a lot of tense moments though before concluding this. I hope this post makes sense and is not too long in the tooth.
I agree! I'm not sure why some of the single people on here think that they will have no freedom, no fun, no life, etc. once they get married.
Bc you're one of a few women that feel the way that you do. What men see everyday is the sort of marriages where the "honey do list" is the most fun weekend activity for the woman and it's always on-going. The sort of marriages where the wife nags if you want to go out with the buddies once a month. And if she doesn't nag there is a underlying resentment.
That's real talk Dew. I see everyday and so do the other guys.
I am not looking for validation, I was just wondering what other people think of people who don't conform to the norms, honestly, this is absolutely the lifestyle I have chosen and I don't see any logical reason to change it(yet)
Most single women my age, here in Iowa are desperate to get married and have kids, actually I broke up with my last girlfriend because her desire to get married and have another kid was beyond obsessive, a major turn off.
It seems like a lot of people who get married, simply give up on themselves, start to gain weight, don't have any personal goals and ambitions anymore and I could never settle for a life like that.
I am sure I may change my mind in 10-15 years but I just don't see any benefits in getting married at this point in my life.
Which is fine. But let me ask you this: Were you straight with her when you were dating that you were not interested in getting married or having kids any time soon?
Believe me, I understand not wanting to get married. I'm [URL="//www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/1524666-lt-relationships-w-no-end-goal.html"]the first one to say[/URL] that marriage is not, nor should it have to be, the goal of every couple.
You don't want to get married or settle down any time soon. Okay, so don't! Big whoop! You're no different than millions of other people, and it's no skin off of anyone else's back unless that person happens to be someone who wants to marry you.
But, see, when you keep harping on it, that's when it starts sounding like you're trying to compensate for something.
My other half is your age. He's one of those guys who doesn't mind being single, but is never alone for more than 6 months or so. He genuinely likes women, and he likes being in a relationship, probably because he's good at it.
I tend to believe that the people who grouse or rebel most about relationships and societal norms about love and partnership are those who tend not to be so good at them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckynumber4
Your problem is that you live in Iowa.
That, too!
Repub, you sound like you are not in your element. If you really want to live it up as a bachelor, you should probably be somewhere a little bit more cosmopolitan.
Then again, after a few years of that, you might see the value in a strong, steady relationship, with or without marriage.
I am 35, single, no kids and I am really enjoying my life right now, I would say, 90% of my childhood friends are married and have kids.
Last Fri, I drove 3 hours to hook up with a friend in another state, we went to an electronic music concert, and we had a blast, we left the concert at 2 am, we hung out after and I drove back at 4 am, got here at 7 am.
Slept for a couple hours and went to a friends house for lunch and met some awesome people, I was so tired afterwards but this weekend was AMAZING! Essentially, I am doing some of the same "crazy things" I used to when I was 19 and I love it!
If I was married, obviously it would be impossible to do these things, but some of the thoughts that have been crossing my mind lately is that, I love this single lifestyle too much and maybe I don't want it to ever change!
Is it natural to feel this way at 35? I am more than convinced than doing what I want is what makes me happy but I wanted to hear some opinions
Enjoy your life. You're not alone. This is what the 30's are about for a lot of people.
Married guys (and women) get to do crazy stuff, too, though. The biker guys take biker vacations on their own or with buddies. The wife may take a road trip while hubby's gone. Or she'll take her turn for a fun trip after he gets back, they take turns. Married couples have a lot of freedom if they want, even if there are kids. They work it out.
Yep, for a man who "has his act together" being single in your mid 30s can be some of the best years in your life. I was dating like crazy, traveling everywhere, and living life freestyle during those years.
Same thing here man. 35, traveling to Europe and around our country. Messing around with women who are in their early 20s to women in their 40s. All the while I just let those people who hate on me for doing those things continue to hate. I don't care what they think bc I'm living my life. You have one life to live.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cjawalt
You are peaking at that time but you will reach a point where you want share those great times with someone besides your buds. So be careful not to slide into your 40s too far without having the experience of getting married or having children.
So what if he slides into his 40s and isn't married with children? It happens and you know what? Some of those people are happy with their lives and are successful and have activities that allow them to share and receive love from those that they help. Some people are get married and some don't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cjawalt
Because life is just better when you can create great memories with people who you love.
And as your statement implies love can be from any relationship.
I am not looking for validation, I was just wondering what other people think of people who don't conform to the norms, honestly, this is absolutely the lifestyle I have chosen and I don't see any logical reason to change it(yet)
Most single women my age, here in Iowa are desperate to get married and have kids, actually I broke up with my last girlfriend because her desire to get married and have another kid was beyond obsessive, a major turn off.
It seems like a lot of people who get married, simply give up on themselves, start to gain weight, don't have any personal goals and ambitions anymore and I could never settle for a life like that.
I am sure I may change my mind in 10-15 years but I just don't see any benefits in getting married at this point in my life.
Are you serious? You think you're not conforming to "the norms"?? You ARE the norm! If you thought otherwise, you're living in the wrong part of the country. Marriage is being postponed later and later in life. You haven't noticed all the single 30-somethings in the romantic comedy films?
I don't know any married people who have "given up on themselves", and gained weight, etc. You need to move to the West Coast or NYC. The Midwest is its own unique environment, and you don't fit into it.
Enjoy your life. You're not alone. This is what the 30's are about for a lot of people.
Married guys (and women) get to do crazy stuff, too, though. The biker guys take biker vacations on their own or with buddies. The wife may take a road trip while hubby's gone. Or she'll take her turn for a fun trip after he gets back, they take turns. Married couples have a lot of freedom if they want, even if there are kids. They work it out.
A good friend of mine says that the secret to her happy marriage is separate vacations.
The only beef I have with this thread is that it bashes people who chose to marry. I think married people can have just as much fun as someone who is single. Just because someone chooses to get married doesn't mean that you're going to live a boring life and sit at home, if people choose to do that, it's their fault.
I am not worried about whether I'm married or single, I'm just going to be focused on whether or not I'm enjoying my life, which can be done married or unmarried.
There's absolutely no reason to compare your life to someone else's and claim yours is better.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckynumber4
Your problem is that you live in Iowa.
This kind of thinking is everywhere in the 85-90th percentile. Don't matter if it's Louisville, Southern VA, DC, Iowa, etc.
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My thoughts..
