Enjoying single life at 35 (man, kids, divorce, affair)
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If that's what floats your boat - then that's fine. Some people are happier with a different kind of life - and that's fine, too. What's so hard to understand?
I honestly don't think most married guys are truly happy with their lives. It seems like many get married just because "it's what you're supposed to do" by a certain age and to make others, such as parents/employers/social circle, happy. I can't tell you how many married/engaged friends of mine are borderline miserable whenever they hear about what I did during the weekend or whatever.
And all this stuff about "you can have just as much fun while married" is hogwash. Most married guys usually have very little freedom to go out without their wives on a regular basis.
Just wanted to add something to this discussion, the longest relationship I was in lasted 6 years, we never had any major problems, but after a while, we were not on the same page, it was a good relationship while it lasted and she is one of my best friends.
I totally respect her and care about her BUT we both did not see any reason to continue with the relationship, since there was no passion and excitement anymore.
We still spend time together(as friends, nothing else) and I am the closest male figure to his 5 month old daughter, I am actually her Godfather.
If we had married anytime during those 5 years, it would have been a total disaster, so I don't know if I believe in this "Meet someone, fall in love and get married" theory. I also don't know if I believe in this "right person" theory
Just finished talking to my Mom and my brother just ended his 10 year relationship with his wife. I really thought they had it good because I never saw that coming, they looked perfect for each other and I thought they were going to be together forever.
First thing my brother wants to do after the end of their relationship is go on a trip to Europe for a couple weeks So, I don't know if I believe in the "together until death do us apart". Honestly, I don't know any couples that got married in the last 15 years that are still together, that should tell you something!
Do what makes you happy. If you are happy - that's all that matters. You don't need validation or approval - you don't need to start threads about it - you just need to live your life.
You are still missing my point about meeting someone, falling in love, and getting married. You were saying all this crap about MARRIAGE - and my point was that you are SINGLE. You have to meet someone and fall in love with them before marriage is even on the table. Saying, "I don't want to get married because I like my freedom!" while you are single is sort of like saying, "If I bought that 15 million dollar mansion, I wouldn't be able to fill up all the rooms with furniture and I'd be unhappy" when you don't have 2 pennies to rub together.
I was with someone for 5 years and didn't marry him because he wasn't the right person. I was with my ex-fiance for 3 1/2 years and I didn't go through with it because he wasn't the right person. I was with my husband for a few months time when we both knew that we had found the right person. He had been in 2 long term relationships before and had never once thought of marrying them. He was with me for a couple months and he just knew. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes it doesn't. Just because it hasn't happened to you yet doesn't mean that it won't. Or maybe it never will. Just live your life and be happy and stop being so defensive and afraid.
I honestly don't think most married guys are truly happy with their lives. It seems like many get married just because "it's what you're supposed to do" by a certain age and to make others, such as parents/employers/social circle, happy. I can't tell you how many married/engaged friends of mine are borderline miserable whenever they hear about what I did during the weekend or whatever.
And all this stuff about "you can have just as much fun while married" is hogwash. Most married guys usually have very little freedom to go out without their wives on a regular basis.
You can believe whatever you want to - it doesn't make it true. I know my husband is extremely happy being married. He loves being a husband and a father. I know many of my male friends feel the same way. So did my father. One of my husband's friends got divorced recently and remarried almost as soon as his divorce was finalize. Just because you think that people are miserable because they are living a different kind of life from you doesn't mean that they are. You can believe anything you want to.
Oh - and my husband can go out without me all he wants to - he just doesn't want to. He's a homebody who has always enjoyed staying in more than going out.
I still don't understand why people are so focused on the lives of other people. If you don't want to be in a relationship - if you don't want to get married - then don't do it. If you are happy the way your life is - that's great. But you don't need to try to prove that other people are unhappy for you to be happy. Other people being miserable isn't going to make your life any better. My happiness is dependent on my life alone - not on my life in comparison to someone else's.
You can believe whatever you want to - it doesn't make it true. I know my husband is extremely happy being married. He loves being a husband and a father. I know many of my male friends feel the same way. So did my father. One of my husband's friends got divorced recently and remarried almost as soon as his divorce was finalize. Just because you think that people are miserable because they are living a different kind of life from you doesn't mean that they are. You can believe anything you want to.
Oh - and my husband can go out without me all he wants to - he just doesn't want to. He's a homebody who has always enjoyed staying in more than going out.
I still don't understand why people are so focused on the lives of other people. If you don't want to be in a relationship - if you don't want to get married - then don't do it. If you are happy the way your life is - that's great. But you don't need to try to prove that other people are unhappy for you to be happy. Other people being miserable isn't going to make your life any better. My happiness is dependent on my life alone - not on my life in comparison to someone else's.
Please note that I said "most" married guys, not "all" married guys, so if you let your husband come and go as he pleases, then he must be one of the lucky one's who's not on a leash 24/7. However, you said he's a homebody so he probably doesn't prefer the single life anyway. Most married guys are not allowed to just run around and do whatever like their single counterparts. It just doesn't happen.
Do what makes you happy. If you are happy - that's all that matters. You don't need validation or approval - you don't need to start threads about it - you just need to live your life.
You are still missing my point about meeting someone, falling in love, and getting married. You were saying all this crap about MARRIAGE - and my point was that you are SINGLE. You have to meet someone and fall in love with them before marriage is even on the table. Saying, "I don't want to get married because I like my freedom!" while you are single is sort of like saying, "If I bought that 15 million dollar mansion, I wouldn't be able to fill up all the rooms with furniture and I'd be unhappy" when you don't have 2 pennies to rub together.
I was with someone for 5 years and didn't marry him because he wasn't the right person. I was with my ex-fiance for 3 1/2 years and I didn't go through with it because he wasn't the right person. I was with my husband for a few months time when we both knew that we had found the right person. He had been in 2 long term relationships before and had never once thought of marrying them. He was with me for a couple months and he just knew. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes it doesn't. Just because it hasn't happened to you yet doesn't mean that it won't. Or maybe it never will. Just live your life and be happy and stop being so defensive and afraid.
***applause, applause***
who gives a rip what you do? are you happy and content? then die single and happy, bring joy to the world around you, would you?
But alas, your starting this thread in the first place makes another "truth" very apparent, and it's one that you will need to face in order to experience the contentment that you seek and say you already have. Keep it real with yourself
With the right person, and when your ready, marriage is an experience worth having, and trying even if it does end in divorce. But, yeah, you gotta have a good idea if the one your will wed is worth changing your bachelor life for.
As to your coworker, let me pass along some advice since it appears you haven't learned this lesson yet at your age: don't talk about your personal life at work. If anyone ask about it, be generic and keep it to short bits of info. Keep your personal life and work life separate and be careful about hanging out after hours with coworkers as friends. Just treat it as if any private info about you can be used against you in office politics, professional assessments, or perceived workplace character traits (no committed to his job, lazy, not ethical, etc).
If you do that, you will find your life a little more satisfying, like when your are doing the party animal, playboy thing into the wee hours and come into work the next morning just saying you had a bit of insomnia, got a headache, but you'll get over it soon.... I promise you the mystery will start eating them up.
Are you serious? Romantic comedy films are fantasy. They never come close to dealing with reality. Perhaps, this is a big part of the problem that women seem to be having with relationships now days.
Guys are just opting out and having no problems. Other men are noting this and either following their lead or are envious.
They're made for a certain demographic. If there weren't a huge audience of single 30-somethings, the film industry wouldn't invest millions in making those films, and no one would ever have heard of Jerry Seinfeld.
I don't know if guys are "opting out" of anything. All the single 30-something women aren't opting out of anything. They're living their lives while they hope to meet the right person.
I still don't understand why people are so focused on the lives of other people. If you don't want to be in a relationship - if you don't want to get married - then don't do it. If you are happy the way your life is - that's great. But you don't need to try to prove that other people are unhappy for you to be happy. Other people being miserable isn't going to make your life any better. My happiness is dependent on my life alone - not on my life in comparison to someone else's.
It is not about being focused on what other people are doing but looking at patterns and statistics. I majored in Economics and I have an analytical mind, which is a good thing in my opinion.
I am proud of what I have accomplished in life so far and when I look at the odds of a marriage being successful, it does not look all that great.
I think the majority of people in our society get married for some very irrational and absurd reasons. I feel sorry for these guys out there who only get married because the woman is pressuring them to do it or because they are given an ultimatum, ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC!
If someone offered me an investment opportunity where more than 50% of the time, you lose everything you invested, my answer would probably be HELL NO.
If someone offered me an investment opportunity where more than 50% of the time, you lose everything you invested, my answer would probably be HELL NO.
Maybe this is why you're still single. Marriage is primarily an affair of the heart, not a business exercise in risk-management.
It is not about being focused on what other people are doing but looking at patterns and statistics. I majored in Economics and I have an analytical mind, which is a good thing in my opinion.
I am proud of what I have accomplished in life so far and when I look at the odds of a marriage being successful, it does not look all that great.
I think the majority of people in our society get married for some very irrational and absurd reasons. I feel sorry for these guys out there who only get married because the woman is pressuring them to do it or because they are given an ultimatum, ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC!
If someone offered me an investment opportunity where more than 50% of the time, you lose everything you invested, my answer would probably be HELL NO.
Yes - many people get married for the wrong reasons. Your chances of success are much better if you marry for the right reasons. This is the same with anything you do in life. But Ruth is right - marriage and love are matters of the heart. I didn't do a spreadsheet on my husband to decide he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Even if the divorce rate was 99% - I still would have married him because I love him with all my heart, my head, and all my other parts, too.
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So, I don't know if I believe in the "together until death do us apart". Honestly, I don't know any couples that got married in the last 15 years that are still together, that should tell you something!
