Dating in middle age is so confusing (wife, how to, marry)
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About 3-1/2 years after the was-band left, and 1-1/2 years after the D went through and thinking about putting myself out there--well I have a little bit already, and I just don't know how to go about this really. My looks are average and not many hits on a dating site except some stupid stuff--some have looked but few actually write. I'm a little odd and on the intellectual side and didn't try to hide that in my profile b/c I want people more like me to respond. But I'm not OL anymore--trying to go about it IRL.
I've had a couple of dates with a man recently that were set up thru his ex wife (!) and that went extremely well except for one thing--no spark. He hugged but didn't kiss me good night either time and I was relieved. Trouble is, everything else about him is perfect--we talked quite a lot and got along well. He is texting and seems to want to see me again, but after 2 dates with no spark, I just don't want to lead him on. Should I tell him when he asks again? Now? See him again anyway and see if he grows on me? He's too nice of a person to play games with. I can't believe that I'm having to ask these questions at my age but things are different now than they were before and people this age are different. And to tell the truth and I'm not proud of this, I probably would have led them on before or played games, but I haven't dated much since my early 20's. And while I would love to have a relationship, I find that I just don't really enjoy dating that much. How do other folks over 50 handle this?
I'm not quite 40 yet, but I don't need the spark, butterflies, the emotional attachment. Not to say, I don't get it. I do, but I don't pursue. It's always to women who reject me. Can you say 'restraining order'?
But even past that, I'm looking for more of a companion than a red hot tryst and I always have been. I remember telling my college buddy, I didn't want a hot girl, just a good gal I could buddy around with who like me.
Funny, but I haven't been able to find that either.
Everybody has their own thing. A lot of women will tell you no way without the spark. So, there is no answer.
ADD: I would THINK dating in middle age is easier. Because people are just looking for someone they get along with instead of for looks, money, but I dunno.
About 3-1/2 years after the was-band left, and 1-1/2 years after the D went through and thinking about putting myself out there--well I have a little bit already, and I just don't know how to go about this really. My looks are average and not many hits on a dating site except some stupid stuff--some have looked but few actually write. I'm a little odd and on the intellectual side and didn't try to hide that in my profile b/c I want people more like me to respond. But I'm not OL anymore--trying to go about it IRL.
I've had a couple of dates with a man recently that were set up thru his ex wife (!) and that went extremely well except for one thing--no spark. He hugged but didn't kiss me good night either time and I was relieved. Trouble is, everything else about him is perfect--we talked quite a lot and got along well. He is texting and seems to want to see me again, but after 2 dates with no spark, I just don't want to lead him on. Should I tell him when he asks again? Now? See him again anyway and see if he grows on me? He's too nice of a person to play games with. I can't believe that I'm having to ask these questions at my age but things are different now than they were before and people this age are different. And to tell the truth and I'm not proud of this, I probably would have led them on before or played games, but I haven't dated much since my early 20's. And while I would love to have a relationship, I find that I just don't really enjoy dating that much. How do other folks over 50 handle this?
Most of the dating sites aren't for intellectuals. The owner of one of them said in an interview that he didn't have any members with a much-above-average IQ. So you'd be wasting your time on most of 'em. Set-ups through friends can work (give the guy another chance, maybe he'll grow on you), volunteering, joining hiking groups, meet-up groups in your area, all the same things that work for younger people work for older people. Is church an option? Some people join a church just for that purpose. The Unitarian Universalists are popular with the over-40, liberal set.
Fortunately there are plenty of other middle-aged divorced people out there. On-line dating is really awful, IMO. Activity groups with youngish retired people is a good way to meet other smart people. There are usually more women than men, but since you'll be younger than your competitors...lol. . (just kidding)
It just requires time and finding social outlets. Make friends with a variety of people of both genders and mix it up with different age groups. Skip dating until you feel the spark.
I was surprised at the number of men in my age range on Plenty of Fish. I met one of them twice but he was old for his age, if that makes sense. I think it is really hard to meet men after 50. I am not a church-goer and my friends don't have any men to set me up with.
I would be happy with any guy who was interesting and compatible. Sparks come later. You also have to consider that you may be holding back emotionally out of fear - of being hurt, being rejected, just not wanting to go through it all again.
My advice would be to never commit, but don't play games either. If "something happens", cool. If not, cool, too. I am 42 and realize the older we get, the more we over complicate things. The onion grows more layers. Get to know the other person in more social settings. Find out who they were rather than what shell the world of dating disasters has put them into.
The key is to have fun with someone who compliments you. It beats the alternative. And if you don't make the mistake most people at a higher age make (being too desperate and scared to be alone and wanting to make every single date something the other person may not be able to live up to), you will have a good time regardless and even if the relationship doesn't turn out to be "till the end", it still beats the alternative of being the eternal disappointed searcher for "the one".
I honestly believe that the instant spark thing is a bit Hollywood over the top. If you have tons to talk about can communicate on the same level and are respectful of one another's past lives and include each others friends and familys-Well, that spark might just come along. I say give it a bit of time. And perhaps him not hugging you is a show of respect or he senses your confusion. I hate to say this but over 50 dating is awkward enough, don't create addtl drama
About 3-1/2 years after the was-band left, and 1-1/2 years after the D went through and thinking about putting myself out there--well I have a little bit already, and I just don't know how to go about this really. My looks are average and not many hits on a dating site except some stupid stuff--some have looked but few actually write. I'm a little odd and on the intellectual side and didn't try to hide that in my profile b/c I want people more like me to respond. But I'm not OL anymore--trying to go about it IRL.
I've had a couple of dates with a man recently that were set up thru his ex wife (!) and that went extremely well except for one thing--no spark. He hugged but didn't kiss me good night either time and I was relieved. Trouble is, everything else about him is perfect--we talked quite a lot and got along well. He is texting and seems to want to see me again, but after 2 dates with no spark, I just don't want to lead him on. Should I tell him when he asks again? Now? See him again anyway and see if he grows on me? He's too nice of a person to play games with. I can't believe that I'm having to ask these questions at my age but things are different now than they were before and people this age are different. And to tell the truth and I'm not proud of this, I probably would have led them on before or played games, but I haven't dated much since my early 20's. And while I would love to have a relationship, I find that I just don't really enjoy dating that much. How do other folks over 50 handle this?
I wouldn't be expecting a spark. If you are over 50 most likely your hormones are not going to provide you with the "urge" to reproduce that we feel in our 20s, which is more commonly known as being "crazy in love" with someone. If you find someone you like, get along with, have similar interests and values, I'd say you are doing better than most.
Just be open and honest with him and tell him you aren't interested in sex, at least not at this time, leaving your options open, because you never know what the future could hold.
About 3-1/2 years after the was-band left, and 1-1/2 years after the D went through and thinking about putting myself out there--well I have a little bit already, and I just don't know how to go about this really. My looks are average and not many hits on a dating site except some stupid stuff--some have looked but few actually write. I'm a little odd and on the intellectual side and didn't try to hide that in my profile b/c I want people more like me to respond. But I'm not OL anymore--trying to go about it IRL.
I've had a couple of dates with a man recently that were set up thru his ex wife (!) and that went extremely well except for one thing--no spark. He hugged but didn't kiss me good night either time and I was relieved. Trouble is, everything else about him is perfect--we talked quite a lot and got along well. He is texting and seems to want to see me again, but after 2 dates with no spark, I just don't want to lead him on. Should I tell him when he asks again? Now? See him again anyway and see if he grows on me? He's too nice of a person to play games with. I can't believe that I'm having to ask these questions at my age but things are different now than they were before and people this age are different. And to tell the truth and I'm not proud of this, I probably would have led them on before or played games, but I haven't dated much since my early 20's. And while I would love to have a relationship, I find that I just don't really enjoy dating that much. How do other folks over 50 handle this?
IDK...... not sure which way to go.... go for the quick cutoff, as in don't waste time, but then again, how many chances are there for that "spark".... IDK, like I said.
I'm 42 and I don't want to even imagine what it would be like to be single and looking......
I told mrs. chow that shes stuck with me
The OP is quite a lovely lady... If I were single..... I'd jump on her like a duck on a june bug...
I wouldn't be expecting a spark. If you are over 50 most likely your hormones are not going to provide you with the "urge" to reproduce that we feel in our 20s, which is more commonly known as being "crazy in love" with someone. If you find someone you like, get along with, have similar interests and values, I'd say you are doing better than most.
Just be open and honest with him and tell him you aren't interested in sex, at least not at this time, leaving your options open, because you never know what the future could hold.
20yrsinBranson
Hormones may play a role in sex drive, but we are never too old for the spark. If hormones determined our preference in partners, we'd just marry the first man we met when we reached puberty. There much more to chemistry than that.
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. (just kidding)
