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Alright, quick back story, I've been dating this girl for about 4 months now, in a relationship for 3. We were driving to my house on Saturday, everything was fine. She has about 3 or 4 pairs of sunglasses in her car and she picked one out and said "maybe I should wear these" (but she didn't) and I asked, those are nice, who gave them to you. Turns out they were Aviator sunglasses that her ex from 8 years ago gave her. Fine, whatever.
Turns out she has about 4-5 bags (maybe more), brand name, Louis Vuitton bags that she still uses. Also gifts from her ex. The only comment I made to her was that it's weird that she still uses stuff her ex-boyfriend gave her. If it was 1 bag, whatever, the fact that it's 5, and she still uses them, makes it awkward. She said they don't mean anything to her, and that the reason why she still has them is because she can't afford them, and they are brand name purses. She tried to flip it and say "if your ex gave you your glasses that you're wearing, I would have a problem with it." Mind you, I need my glasses b/c my vision is ****. I'm not going to throw away prescription glasses just because an ex gave them to me. I need my glasses, she don't need a Louis Vuitton purse. Big difference.
I didn't ask her to throw them away, I didn't ask her to pawn it, even though she pawned off all the jewelry her ex gave her, and she threw away the clothes (but kept all the bags??), I just found it weird and she doesn't seem to understand that. She's perfectly fine with keeping them because she couldn't afford it on her own dime. I don't get it?
Edit: What pissed me off was that she went the "I shouldn't have told you" route. It's coming from the same person who has told me repeatedly that we need to be open and honest with each other, but then she pulls that line out. That irritated me, it's ok for her not to tell me things, but I have to spill everything about me?
About the most insecure thing I have heard from a guy in ages... Wow dude... man up, it is just a purse.
She is with you.
I suggest you look into yourself internally as to why something so trivial is bothering you.
Now if it was something like a sex toy, his boxers, a ring... then we would have something to be concerned about.
The compromise is for you to buy her all new stuff to replace that stuff.
I understand feeling possessive though. I understand that constantly being reminded of an ex sucks. It helps a little to try to accept that you can't possess a person though.
I still wear the perfume my ex gave me last Christmas (we were still together then) Its Victoria Secret perfume which means it's really expensive and it smells great I wear it all the time especially when I'm going to see my current boyfriend (who also seems to like it). Point is I keep it not because it was from my ex but because it is really good really expensive perfume that I like and if I could adfford to (which I can't) I would by more of it. Its the same with your girlfriend's purses. She probably kept them because there name brand, top quality, and probably very stlish. I bet in a few more years she won't even remember where she got them. It seems to me she keep them because of what they are not who they're from, also she probably said she wouldn't use them around you because the way you make it sound it seems like they make you feel uneasy and she can probably since that.
Gifts and possessions are just things, and where they came from is irrelevant. What matters is how she feels about you. Are you feeling inadequate because you can't provide similar material goods? If so, stop - it really isn't important.
Alright, quick back story, I've been dating this girl for about 4 months now, in a relationship for 3. We were driving to my house on Saturday, everything was fine. She has about 3 or 4 pairs of sunglasses in her car and she picked one out and said "maybe I should wear these" (but she didn't) and I asked, those are nice, who gave them to you. Turns out they were Aviator sunglasses that her ex from 8 years ago gave her. Fine, whatever.
Turns out she has about 4-5 bags (maybe more), brand name, Louis Vuitton bags that she still uses. Also gifts from her ex. The only comment I made to her was that it's weird that she still uses stuff her ex-boyfriend gave her. If it was 1 bag, whatever, the fact that it's 5, and she still uses them, makes it awkward. She said they don't mean anything to her, and that the reason why she still has them is because she can't afford them, and they are brand name purses. She tried to flip it and say "if your ex gave you your glasses that you're wearing, I would have a problem with it." Mind you, I need my glasses b/c my vision is ****. I'm not going to throw away prescription glasses just because an ex gave them to me. I need my glasses, she don't need a Louis Vuitton purse. Big difference.
I didn't ask her to throw them away, I didn't ask her to pawn it, even though she pawned off all the jewelry her ex gave her, and she threw away the clothes (but kept all the bags??), I just found it weird and she doesn't seem to understand that. She's perfectly fine with keeping them because she couldn't afford it on her own dime. I don't get it?
Edit: What pissed me off was that she went the "I shouldn't have told you" route. It's coming from the same person who has told me repeatedly that we need to be open and honest with each other, but then she pulls that line out. That irritated me, it's ok for her not to tell me things, but I have to spill everything about me?
I didn't read all the comments... at any rate, I don't understand WHY it's weird she still uses expensive stuff purchased for her by exes. The only weird thing that stands out is throwing out clothes but keeping the bags.
The Louis Vuitton bags? I have three, all purchased for me by my husband. If I ever become single again and a guy thinks it's weird I still have those bags - because I will have them - I will probably think he's weird for thinking anything out of the ordinary about it.
Why do you two care where the other one may have gotten something? Why does it matter to begin with?
Clearly folks are reacting and responding to your defensiveness whenever an opposing opinion is offered. Maybe rethink how you word things... And, don't be so quick to dismiss things.
Question: Did you actually say, outloud, to her that her "I shouldn't've told you" comment was upsetting to you? Did I miss that part where you had to spill everything..?
I'm not trying to call you out, here... say you're wrong, she's right, cause really, does that matter all that much. You think it's weird that she keeps 5 expensive bags from an ex, and she wouldn't like it if you wore the glasses your ex gave you even though you need them to see. Fine. Is this a place where you can agree to disagree? Have you done that? Or, do you just THINK you've done that? Ya gotta actually say, "okay, lets agree to disagree on this, huh?" or something.
But, wait... you're still holding onto the "I shouldn't've told you" thing. You gotta talk that out and let it go if you can.
I got it. You didn't ASK her to throw anything out...but your original post is crafted in such a way it implies that ...you'd like her to get rid of 'em... or, you think she should've already... or, at the very least... you don't like that she still has these things...
Try not to expect people to read your tone of voice to make your feelings and thoughts known. It'll never work. Talk. Say it. Ask. Divulge. Ponder. Wonder. Whatever... communicate. People aren't mind readers... just be nice when you do it. Oh, and... LISTEN. Communication means listening to each other, as well. No judging, no guilt, no defensiveness, no blame...
Not trying to pick on you, just offering my view.
...I think maybe the OP is venting so he can move on passed this bump... he says he's done discussing it with his GF. Perhaps he needed to vent, y'all. Geez.
Alright, quick back story, I've been dating this girl for about 4 months now, in a relationship for 3. We were driving to my house on Saturday, everything was fine. She has about 3 or 4 pairs of sunglasses in her car and she picked one out and said "maybe I should wear these" (but she didn't) and I asked, those are nice, who gave them to you. Turns out they were Aviator sunglasses that her ex from 8 years ago gave her. Fine, whatever.
Turns out she has about 4-5 bags (maybe more), brand name, Louis Vuitton bags that she still uses. Also gifts from her ex. The only comment I made to her was that it's weird that she still uses stuff her ex-boyfriend gave her. If it was 1 bag, whatever, the fact that it's 5, and she still uses them, makes it awkward. She said they don't mean anything to her, and that the reason why she still has them is because she can't afford them, and they are brand name purses. She tried to flip it and say "if your ex gave you your glasses that you're wearing, I would have a problem with it." Mind you, I need my glasses b/c my vision is ****. I'm not going to throw away prescription glasses just because an ex gave them to me. I need my glasses, she don't need a Louis Vuitton purse. Big difference.
I didn't ask her to throw them away, I didn't ask her to pawn it, even though she pawned off all the jewelry her ex gave her, and she threw away the clothes (but kept all the bags??), I just found it weird and she doesn't seem to understand that. She's perfectly fine with keeping them because she couldn't afford it on her own dime. I don't get it?
Edit: What pissed me off was that she went the "I shouldn't have told you" route. It's coming from the same person who has told me repeatedly that we need to be open and honest with each other, but then she pulls that line out. That irritated me, it's ok for her not to tell me things, but I have to spill everything about me?
I am soon to be engaged. My bf and I have a great relationship. I still have some items that were gifts given to me by my ex including this laptop in which I am using right now. My ex bought it for me a few Christmases ago. Do you really think I should get rid of this computer because it was a gift from an ex? The gift has functional purpose and I was a student. Another ex chipped in for a Coach purse in 2011. I still have that very purse. Again, it has functional purpose and was an expensive and nice purse.
The sunglasses her ex gave her and the expensive purses do not mean she is in love with him. They were gifts. She should not be obligated to give anything away. I am positive if anyone gave her nice gifts that were useful she would still have them.
It is not as if she has his photo up or is wearing his ring. She has moved on. If this bothers you so much, I would recommend backing out. Because if a gf still owning sunglasses and purses that were given to her as gifts bothers you, I cannot imagine what will happen when a true issue arises.
You did not ask her to throw it away, but the thing is we are a bit floored that you would even pose this question to us. The fact you posted this means that this is on your mind or has been. To many of us, this seems very silly and unreasonable.
My current bf has never asked me who bought me my computer or purses, even though he knows those were things I would have probably not purchased myself. I did share with him these are gifts from an ex, as well as a photo album he gave me. I keep the album tucked away in a box in the closet. Those gifts were a part of my past, and he knows this. I had a life before current bf and I began dating. We never had a conversation about the items I own. Understand her keeping gifts does not mean she feels anything for the original gift bearers.
She may be asking you questions because now she feels uncomfortable and may be worried you feel bothered by this. If you plan to never bring it up again, make sure that IT NEVER comes up again. Otherwise, I would say that she will begin to back out of this relationship thinking you are controlling and/or insecure.
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