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I just know I'm going to open up Pandora's Box with this one, but with personal experience I've been told "You are a very sweet guy, with a big heart, but I never thought of you in a romantic way. Thank you for your honesty. I hope mine doesn't hurt you. Good luck with school, be happy, be at peace". That's a straightforward rejection, during a time where I REALLY didn't need it. But in fairness, I can tell that she really didn't want to hurt me. Now, I appreciate her compliment, and her intentions, but I'm not a wuss either and I think I know what she was getting at.
To women, does "sweet" have a double meaning? Is it supposed to mean that I'm not anything else, not handsome or date worthy?
Only you can say why. You are the only one here who knows this woman. Look back on your interactions and see what you think it was. Look at past guys she's gone for and future guys and see what they've got.
Most of the times it's happened to be it's been looks, but other things now and then too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
It was a compliment and you should take it take way and not let it mess with your head or ego.
I know it sucks when the person you are attracted to doesn't feel the same way, but that's not really anybody's fault.
And it's also not her saying "you're not manly enough for me", "you're not good enough for me", "you're not handsome enough for me", so get that out of your head and stop psyching yourself out.
There was just no chemistry, it's as simple as that.
And trust me, you don't really want someone to fake chemistry, you want the real deal! And it WILL happen, you just have to stop worrying about when
That's a pretty good positive attitude, but it's pretty hard to convince yourself of that when a woman you've known for a year and know most everything about is dating and having sex with some other guy she barely knows less than a month after she rejected you. I know it sounds rough, but it's true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vic 2.0
You know, I wouldn't be one bit surprised if the words "You're a nice guy, but I don't think of you that way" were uttered more often than "You seem like a jerk. I don't want to be with someone like that."
I bail before I hear the words. If I go for the kiss and she shoves her hand in my face, I don't give her a chance to recite the rehearsed rejection lines. Don't want to know why, how, when. It's just a no.
It's going to be hard to get over. I've been trying to lose weight, just need to lose around 30 pounds. And I'm going to be leaving this town within a year.
But 18 months of an unrequited love that is the only beacon of hope you have while living with a dying person isn't something you can just walk away from overnight.
I'm so sorry that you have had so much on your plate. That's a lot to go through - and it sucks. But I am a firm believer in that the deeper you feel pain - the deeper you will be able to feel joy later on. Might not help much now - but it's gotten me through some tough times and I think it's true.
Thank you. And while I hate to say it, I think both me AND her lost, apparently a couple weeks after she rejected me, a guy who she loved since high school (and she had a somewhat dysfunctional relationship with, twice) got engaged to another woman and broke her heart.[/quote]
I have a feeling that there is nothing that you could have done if she was already in love with someone else. I mean - you had really strong feelings for her - and did anyone else stand a chance until you knew that nothing was ever going to happen with her? That could be what happened here. And for the record - if I call someone "sweet" - it's because I think they are "sweet." It's a compliment. But that's just me.
Keep your chin up and know that better times are around the corner.
Her: "You are a very sweet guy, with a big heart, but I never thought of you in a romantic way."
You: "Great! I knew your were a cool chick and didn't go for that lame nice guy rap. I hate posers."
Her: "Thank you for your honesty. I hope mine doesn't hurt you."
You: "Hell no! Im glad you wanna cut to chase. Please, dont be shy, I can handle raw, most definitey!"
Her: "Good luck with school, be happy, be at peace".
You: "So, yeah, umm, okay ... Mod cut: Inappropriate language.
I'll just let you know, I spilled my guts to her just a couple months after a childhood friend of mine, that is also her cousin, died of cancer, while I at the same time was dealing with a grandmother withering away from dementia. So I'd kindly ask if you don't put it that way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobaba
Only you can say why. You are the only one here who knows this woman. Look back on your interactions and see what you think it was. Look at past guys she's gone for and future guys and see what they've got.
Most of the times it's happened to be it's been looks, but other things now and then too.
That's a pretty good positive attitude, but it's pretty hard to convince yourself of that when a woman you've known for a year and know most everything about is dating and having sex with some other guy she barely knows less than a month after she rejected you. I know it sounds rough, but it's true.
I bail before I hear the words. If I go for the kiss and she shoves her hand in my face, I don't give her a chance to recite the rehearsed rejection lines. Don't want to know why, how, when. It's just a no.
From what I could glean, she has only had 1 boyfriend, they went out for several months in 2007, but he was bipolar, and would get so bad that they broke up. By the time I first met her in 2010, she hadn't dated since, and the man in question was on a mission overseas, sometime last Fall he came back, they dated again, but this time it only lasted a couple weeks and he dumped her, she still loved him, and then in April not too long after she rejected me, he got engaged to another woman, ultimately rejecting her.
I should also know that she, and her cousin, are both LDS. I know the family, they hold VERY true to the ideals of their religion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdrop93
I'm so sorry that you have had so much on your plate. That's a lot to go through - and it sucks. But I am a firm believer in that the deeper you feel pain - the deeper you will be able to feel joy later on. Might not help much now - but it's gotten me through some tough times and I think it's true.
Thank you. And while I hate to say it, I think both me AND her lost, apparently a couple weeks after she rejected me, a guy who she loved since high school (and she had a somewhat dysfunctional relationship with, twice) got engaged to another woman and broke her heart.
I have a feeling that there is nothing that you could have done if she was already in love with someone else. I mean - you had really strong feelings for her - and did anyone else stand a chance until you knew that nothing was ever going to happen with her? That could be what happened here. And for the record - if I call someone "sweet" - it's because I think they are "sweet." It's a compliment. But that's just me.
Keep your chin up and know that better times are around the corner.[/quote]
Thank you, I guess since I've heard since High School that if a woman calls you sweet it's in the same category as...well, "nice guy", and all the implications of such, I had a fear as to what it truely meant.
I just know I'm going to open up Pandora's Box with this one, but with personal experience I've been told "You are a very sweet guy, with a big heart, but I never thought of you in a romantic way. Thank you for your honesty. I hope mine doesn't hurt you. Good luck with school, be happy, be at peace". That's a straightforward rejection, during a time where I REALLY didn't need it. But in fairness, I can tell that she really didn't want to hurt me. Now, I appreciate her compliment, and her intentions, but I'm not a wuss either and I think I know what she was getting at.
To women, does "sweet" have a double meaning? Is it supposed to mean that I'm not anything else, not handsome or date worthy?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Desert kid
I'll just let you know, I spilled my guts to her just a couple months after a childhood friend of mine, that is also her cousin, died of cancer, while I at the same time was dealing with a grandmother withering away from dementia. So I'd kindly ask if you don't put it that way.
okay then, lets forget about the crassness of my humor and let me be a bit more direct because believe it or not there was a point to it.
As a caveat, however, it also sounds like you may be at a low point in your mental/emotional health where you don't see things as clearly due to your recent personal loss and challenges. Like, really why are you trying to figure out if there is a double meaning to "i think you are sweet"???? It was embedded in a rejection that treated you like you had puppy love for a real woman.
So the point I was making is that if you want women to stop treating you like a wuss (and you know you are not), stop pouring your heart and soul out to women and stop seeking their validation of you. It's like those sad women who say stuff like "I don't know why I don't have a boyfriend because I such a big heart and I have so much love to give.. boo hoo hoo." Adult romantic relationships involve a level of love and emotional maturity beyond simply nurturing, compassion, and caring feelings.
But maybe I'm completely wrong and your fine being a nice guy. Nothing wrong with that, other than waiting for your turn to hopefully be selected by your future companion and mate. And it tends happens and involves very little effort on your part.
I'm not really sure. I don't know how old you are. I think if you were younger it probably may mean you could be a friend for a bit. Many young girls are not after the sweet and nice guys. Of course I don't speak for them all.
As an adult, when I finally found that nice and sweet guy it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Of course at the time I was 37 and he was 41...
After reviewing some of your posts I see a couple of issues. The first is that you are obviously going through a tough time and are looking for someone to support you as you deal with your grandma, this would be a tough spot for someone already in a LTR yet alone someone you are hoping to start one with. You also mentioned that she was the only one for the last 18 months, that to me is the biggest issue, you've invested 18 months into someone who you should have known was not interested after 1. This sounds harsh but to put it another way, you put off making a move on her for 18 months because deep down you knew the outcome.
Relationships are not romantic comedies, you don't get to sit around for 2 years dreaming of the day that this person will suddenly walk into your life and become your partner when the perfect set of circumstances come along. All you end up doing is sitting around waiting, and too late you realize you wasted your time. If a girl likes you, you will know it.
As for the nice guy thing, I've heard it a few times myself and I can conclude that it literally means they are not attracted to you, no more, no less. So you can either work on becoming more attractive, or find someone who likes who you are already, its your choice. You also mentioned that you would like to lose some weight, I would highly encourage this because if you start exercising the resulting endorphins can be a great help in dealing with tough times.
I just know I'm going to open up Pandora's Box with this one, but with personal experience I've been told "You are a very sweet guy, with a big heart, but I never thought of you in a romantic way. Thank you for your honesty. I hope mine doesn't hurt you. Good luck with school, be happy, be at peace". That's a straightforward rejection, during a time where I REALLY didn't need it. But in fairness, I can tell that she really didn't want to hurt me. Now, I appreciate her compliment, and her intentions, but I'm not a wuss either and I think I know what she was getting at.
To women, does "sweet" have a double meaning? Is it supposed to mean that I'm not anything else, not handsome or date worthy?
Stop being their friend. That's why they have girlfriends.
it mean the same thing when they tell women 'men are intimidated by you' neither one wants to tell you the truth, because it's not good.
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