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No, I don't mind doing this. Infact, we are going to have a talk this weekend.
But, from what I know, men don't like to be told by women about their shortcomings..and he has more than one..
I think most people dont like to be told about their shortcommings, but you dont really need to do that either. Just say, hey this isnt working out for me, im looking for something different and move on. Many quality guys who have there ish together wont mess with a chick who does this, because it would mean that when they are together, she will be looking for an upgrade as well. And it has nothing to do with self confidence either, its just the way life works. Do everyone a favor and be direct with the guy, and then come back and tell us how it went!
It's not wrong if you tell him that's what you are doing. If you can't do that, just leave and be done with it. If you tell him he's going to be out of there anyway. My point is, leave.
It sounds like you know this relationship is going nowhere, but you want to hold onto him until someone better comes along so you won't have to avoid being alone. There are worse things than being single you know. Move on. It isn't fair to keep someone hanging on when you know it isn't going anywhere.
I currently have a boyfriend and he makes me happy. But I feel like I am settling.
Reason I say this is because he is 36..lives at home..his car recently got repo'd...and now he is on Workman's Compensation for his technician job.
And I don't know why, but he purchased a few houses in Atlanta, yet he lives in Queens, NYC. (One of the houses got foreclosed)
I am really trying to make something of my life and it isn't easy. I want someone of equal ambition!
I mean, granted, I still live at home and I am 26. But I work and have my own car and am planning to move out this year.
So, with that said, is it wrong to look for prospects while with my BF and "shop around"..??
Are you not happy with him JUST because he has some financial issues right now? Is that the only reason for your discontent?
The reason I ask is because if you think you're going to find and marry someone who is always 100% happy, always 100% successful all the time then you're going to be searching for a very very long time.
Sure, relationships are easy when everything is going wonderfully, money is flowing in, and new great things are happening left and right. But what about when the chips are down? Are you going to marry someone and if you hit a wall for a year or two during a bad economy are you going to jump ship? Relationships and Marriages will have both high and low points. You enjoy the good times and you work through and stick together during the bad. You help pull each other out.
Are you looking for someone just to make YOU happy financially or are you looking or a true partnership where you stand by someone when the going gets tough?
there was a thread on here about a man dating a woman with like $100,000 in debt, almost every guy (and the women) said for him to dump her. Now you're expected to be some 'stand up woman' and stick by his side through thick and thin? LOL. Who cares about after you get married and hit a financial slump. You're not in that situation now. Sorry but if the shoe was on the other foot, he would've been gone and moved on to another woman. Do what's best for you, women need to start looking out for themselves.
I currently have a boyfriend and he makes me happy. But I feel like I am settling.
Reason I say this is because he is 36..lives at home..his car recently got repo'd...and now he is on Workman's Compensation for his technician job.
And I don't know why, but he purchased a few houses in Atlanta, yet he lives in Queens, NYC. (One of the houses got foreclosed)
I am really trying to make something of my life and it isn't easy. I want someone of equal ambition!
I mean, granted, I still live at home and I am 26. But I work and have my own car and am planning to move out this year.
So, with that said, is it wrong to look for prospects while with my BF and "shop around"..??
Not if he knows you're just with him for now. Casual dating is perfectly fine IF everybody is honest about it. But it sounds like you're going to drop him as soon as someone better comes along. That's your prerogative, but give the guy a choice in the matter. Maybe he'd like to find a girlfriend who wants to be with him. Unfortunately, there's no sweet way to break the news to someone that you're simply biding your time--you should have been honest from the beginning. If you tell him now, he'll probably break up with you, so I imagine you'll just keep him in the dark until the day you dump him out of the blue.
I currently have a boyfriend and he makes me happy. But I feel like I am settling.
Reason I say this is because he is 36..lives at home..his car recently got repo'd...and now he is on Workman's Compensation for his technician job.
And I don't know why, but he purchased a few houses in Atlanta, yet he lives in Queens, NYC. (One of the houses got foreclosed)
I am really trying to make something of my life and it isn't easy. I want someone of equal ambition!
I mean, granted, I still live at home and I am 26. But I work and have my own car and am planning to move out this year.
So, with that said, is it wrong to look for prospects while with my BF and "shop around"..??
Of course you can do whatever you feel like doing...you're asking, "what is right?". The answer is to continue the course while being meticulously, scrupuously honest. Tell him specifically that your looking to trade up...but don't be surprised when his efforts decrease.
BTW, you don't really read like a great buy yourself...at best a depreciating asset.
there was a thread on here about a man dating a woman with like $100,000 in debt, almost every guy (and the women) said for him to dump her. Now you're expected to be some 'stand up woman' and stick by his side through thick and thin? LOL. Who cares about after you get married and hit a financial slump. You're not in that situation now. Sorry but if the shoe was on the other foot, he would've been gone and moved on to another woman. Do what's best for you, women need to start looking out for themselves.
This!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chi-turtle
Are you not happy with him JUST because he has some financial issues right now? Is that the only reason for your discontent?
The reason I ask is because if you think you're going to find and marry someone who is always 100% happy, always 100% successful all the time then you're going to be searching for a very very long time.
Sure, relationships are easy when everything is going wonderfully, money is flowing in, and new great things are happening left and right. But what about when the chips are down? Are you going to marry someone and if you hit a wall for a year or two during a bad economy are you going to jump ship? Relationships and Marriages will have both high and low points. You enjoy the good times and you work through and stick together during the bad. You help pull each other out.
Are you looking for someone just to make YOU happy financially or are you looking or a true partnership where you stand by someone when the going gets tough?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc Allen 242
Of course you can do whatever you feel like doing...you're asking, "what is right?". The answer is to continue the course while being meticulously, scrupuously honest. Tell him specifically that your looking to trade up...but don't be surprised when his efforts decrease.
BTW, you don't really read like a great buy yourself...at best a depreciating asset.
Both of your responses have valid ponts, but I didn't just foreclose on a $765,000 house on a $65K salary...or file for bankruptcy.
That's alot for a girlfriend to know in the first couple of months.
I'd rather be safe and have my credit sound for the meantime!
He has the best personality! But is that most critical in a marriage? what about Financial savvy? I work in Finance..and i'm an analytical person.
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