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I am 50 years old. My wife passed away almost 2 years ago. We had no kids. About 10 months ago I began a relationship with a 44 year old woman with a 12 year-old daughter. A high maintenance and spoiled 12 year old I might add. I am in love with this woman. No doubt in my mind. But at this point in my life I just don't know if I am ready or want to jump into a marriage with a child to boot.
I don't want to lose this woman but at the same time do not know if I am ready for a life with her and all that goes along with it. I don't want to sound selfish. If her child was 22 instead of 12 that would be different. The ex husband does not seem to want to put forth a lot of financial support toward his daughter so a lot of that would fall to me.
She wants to move in with me, and I know what I decide here will determine the continuation or ending of our relationship.
Woah. Only 10 months and she wants to move in and will consider it an ultimatum if you dont? Slow down. You lost your wife, if she can't understand that for at least that reason you dont want to rush or move in with someone this isn't the right women for you.
I don't like the line "I'll be expected to pick up the bulk of the tab in supporting "the high upkeep 12 year old daughter of another man" part, especially since the biological father appears to have no interest in financially supporting his ex and his daughter. Um.....sorry, that's a real problem.
If I were you I would not agree to this. If its the end of the realationship, so be it. If she truly loves you enough to want to move in or marry you she would understand your position. I think it would be moving too fast for such an important decision and you sound as though you are basically being given an ultimatum.
I am 49 and divorced a few years now, grown kids, and would not want a bf and his child that I didnt get along with moving in with me especially if I were going to be expected to support them. How is she supporting herself and daughter now?
Well kids change. Even though she may be spoiled and bratty at 12, doesn't mean that she will be that way when she is 15. Maybe you could potentially help to direct her in such a way that she feels loved but less entitled.
If you do decide to stay with her.
One recommendation I have is to not discipline the child yourself. Make sure her mother does the disciplining. My stepmother took that approach and I always appreciated it (I have known her since I was 5). She was like a mother to me but she will never BE my mother. Good luck!
Little of both I guess. Opinions would be welcome.
You just lost your wife, no way would I move in with someone else after 2 years.
Is your girlfriend expecting you to financially support her daughter and her? Is your girlfriend gainfully employed? Sometimes (not all the time) the problem with dating a divorcee or separated person who has children is you are not just involved with her, but you become involved with the ex-hubby as well. The ex-hubby doesn't financially support the kid, but guess what you are the back-up plan whether you know it or not because the girlfriend will look for 1) emotional support and quite possibly 2) some financial help. This may or may not be the case here, but you gave a hint in the initial post that you believe both 1 and 2 are distinct possibilities if you and her move in together.
What ever you decide, do not adopt the kid or you will be on the hook all the way to 21.
Forget it! I was in the same situation between ages 26 and 32, probably one of the best learning experiences of my life. If you know the girl is spoiled, you better believe, it is never gonna change!
I can't even describe how stressful this kind of situation can be, to all involved and believe me, 99.9% of the time, Mom will choose her daughter over you, it does not matter how right or how good you may be.
I don't mean to be a hater but I would never be in this type of situation, ever again! Find a woman who has no kids or kids who are older than 18
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