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Like it or not; Men State, Women Negotiate. Woman-speak communication protocols usually start by asking questions to make statements and making statements to ask questions. This is totally backwards and makes NO sense to men, especially, men that won't accept that's just the way it is and work within the defined species we live in. Dan most likely heard a man's version of what a woman was trying to communicate. Since Dr. Dan has no interest in improving in this area, albeit that he is probably a high IQ person, she may do better to move on anyhow.
Interesting idea. I see some of that. I do believe that it is incumbent upon the person desiring to communicate an idea to be sure they are understood, and not to put the responsibility onto the person they are engaging to understand. This means the instigator needs to work towards speaking in the manner of the person they are talking to. If both parties desire to have a healthy relationship they will meet in the middle somewhere. I have real problems with men being told that they are supposed to engage women as other women engage women. I think most women would agree that they do not want to be talked to in the way that men talk to each other. There is and should be a difference in how men and women communicate with each other.
@the original poster, I'm not gonna argue that the rich aren't different, because I've looked in from the fringes of that world. They are. But when a woman says "I have needs" she ain't talking food and water. Unless you're a complete ignoramus, you knew that.
You had some options. You could have said "Wow. That was a pretty rude thing to say." You could have said "What do you mean?" You could have said, "Tell me what I could be doing differently." Instead you chose to say something ruder (and deliberately obtuse) in return and walk out because it made the best story in your head and probably because addressing her statement in a meaningful way would have led you down a path you were uncomfortable traveling.
In fact, you seem to have posted the entire episode to make you seem "cool" because you pulled off something that seemed so well-scripted. But I'm not impressed. What she said was not so terrible. It was a conversation starter, even if it was clumsy. You don't get a prize for treating your lover worse than she treated you. Sorry.
This is interesting. I see different reactions based on peoples own experiences. Mine is one that when my college girl friend said something similar she was already one foot out the door with someone I thought was a friend of mine. My wife said this multiple times in our marriage. As I look back and know more, it always came out of her mouth when someone else was meeting her needs. If a woman were to use those words with me today, I would likely consider the book closed on her, whether I ask what she means by it or not. My experience tells me that these are not words spoken by a woman who wants to fix things, but wants to point out why you aren't going to be good enough. I am sure there are different experiences for people to compare with, but this man's response in comparison with my experience is totally rational and mature. If a woman wants to communicate a need or desire to me that she would like me to meet, she should not start with a general statement that indicates failure, but simply voice what she desires and give me a chance to decide what I am going to do about it.
Great post..I agree with your assumption.
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