Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Interesting. She must be very insecure. If the husband is getting roast beef at home he won't be interested in Taco Bell. But...the mere fact that she is being so petulant about dancing with him...if she really cares...she should keep dancing...or be more secure.
I would not worry about it. I actually encouraged my BF to date other women....he goes out occasionally...no big deal.
What makes her insecurities any more "insane" than his? No one's been able to answer that question. At least her insecurity is focused on the relationship, whereas his is focused on what others might think of his dancing (because his wife likes it, so it can't be for her sake).
I don't see the husband as being insecure. It sounds like he found something that he enjoys (dancing) and he wants to learn more and improve. It would be like anything else one enjoys. The problem is, he needs a partner and the wife isn't willing so he needs to find someone who is. The wife is standing in his way by telling him that he can't dance with another woman. Her insecurities are stopping him from pursuing a hobby that he enjoys.
I don't see the husband as being insecure. It sounds like he found something that he enjoys (dancing) and he wants to learn more and improve. It would be like anything else one enjoys. The problem is, he needs a partner and the wife isn't willing so he needs to find someone who is. The wife is standing in his way by telling him that he can't dance with another woman. Her insecurities are stopping him from pursuing a hobby that he enjoys.
Well I don't see the wife as being insecure. She may very well have good reason why she doesn't want to practice that often, and there's nothing wrong with her not wanting him to dance with another woman either.
I personally would not worry so much about improving so quickly. I know, I know, "That's you, Vic, not him". But who here isn't basing their advice/opinion on how they would handle it?
The problem is that they have different temperaments, different makeup. Something like:
1. She wants to hit the first snow, make the big splash, fall down laughing, enjoy sun, wind, blue sky, get cold and hungry, get a hot chocolate at the apre-ski with friends and call it a day (or maybe a season).
He cares about his technique and wants to keep practicing every Saturday religiously, sometimes with an instructor.
2. She tends to take a tennis racket, shoot the ball in various directions, laughing fits and getting her energy from the childlike experience.
He wants his ball go exactly where he wants it to go, he wants to reach the top of the game. He needs to feel good about his technique.
3. She joins the book club but loses interest in the too brainy of a book on the second chapter. She feels embarrassed but goes to the club and muddles her way through the conversation, picking up cues from other people.
It would be unthinkable for him. He will read the book till 4am if needed but he will be ready for the club meeting.
She has a puppy-like enjoyment of the world, which is not "wrong", it is her being her.
He has a thorough personality of an achiever, which is not "wrong", neither.
I think it is wrong to coerce the free-spirit personality to start function in ways that are foreign to her, that is, concentrating on the achievement side of a task (instead of the fun side) for prolonged periods of time. That will make her miserable, sometimes physiologically so, making her partner miserable, as well.
It is wrong, too, to strip the man of an interest that he feels deeply about, to strip him of his desire to achieve.
The compromise would be him practicing with a professional dancer/instructor. She is welcome to meet the partner/instructor first, and maybe observe the practice for a while. Who knows, with her spirited personality, seeing her husband and other people having fun, she may join in, however fleetingly. She shouldn't be a "chaperon", neither - they are adults, she's got her own life, they supposedly trust each other and love each other, - and she wouldn't be able to sustain chaperoning at long stretches anyways.
Whoever above said they should trust each other was right.
So, if you arent married, you arent allowed to have an opinion about marriage? The wife is being completely ridiculous, and so are most of the rpelies in this thread that support her stance. He should just give it up and find a new hobby? He should give in to her insane inesecurities and complete nonsense? If he did, and continued to do so for some time, she would have zero respect for her husband and would walk all over him. To me it seems that this couple has issues that go deeper than dancing to work on, but with the information given its really a no brainer. Use logic for once in your lifetime. Thanks in advance.
You're allowed your opinion. I'm just saying it doesn't matter much. It doesn't matter to you because you're not married. It certainly doesn't matter to married folk because you're not in a position to speak for their marriages.
Regarding the replies you disagree with- I don't agree with many of them either, but your responses aren't much better. And give me a break with this "use logic for once in your lifetime" nonsense. Man delegating to women is not logic based. It's just goofy.
Anyhow, I'm a wife that agrees to her husband's hobbies and enjoyments. I'm at a Fixx concert right now and I have older guys giving menthe one eye. I gotta find my dh.
I think the husband is being unreasonable as it seems he wants to practice not for his wife or because it's a hobby he enjoys rather because he's concerned about others perception about his dancing and wants to increase his 'proficiency' for the public.
I think the wife is being reasonable as she agreed to practice more and didn't want him practicing with another gal because of fidelity.
Last edited by udolipixie; 06-08-2012 at 02:12 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well, that's a whole other thread! 
