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Some friends recently asked a question that my spouse and I are debating. Here are the basic facts:
The husband and wife both enjoy ballroom and latin dancing. The husband feels like he needs more practice in order to practice what he has learned in classes and in order to increase his level of proficiency. The wife is satisfied with their currrent level of competency. For her, it's just about having fun when they go out.
Since she doesn't have the patience to practice at home on a regular basis (or for more than a few minutes here and there), the husband suggested finding a woman in the dance community who shares the same need for practice and practice with her on a weekly basis - the idea being that in the long run his increased proficiency would benefit them (the husband and wife) when they go out, and would help him feel less self-conscious when he has to lead in public.
The wife believes dancing is an intimate activity and is not comfortable with her husband sharing that experience with another woman. He says he has no interest in a romantic relationship and that people in the dance community recognize the difference between a dance relationship and a romantic relationship. The wife agreed to dance with him at home more often, but depsite her best intentions, it just hasn't happened.
The couple asked us what we thought, but even we can't come to an agreement on the subject. Maybe its the difference in the way men and women view the world. I'm curious as to what folks here think. Also, say whether you are male or female.
Female: If she doesn't want to make it a partner activity, should he just give up if it's something he wants to do? No. He asked her as his #1 choice to learn with and she turned him down, doesn't mean he should give up his pursuit because she doesn't want to participate.
Female...and no I wouldn't like the idea of him finding a dance partner outside the home.
If his wife is satisfied with his skills, why does he feel like he has to practice with another woman? Wasn't the whole point of taking lessons to help them improve their moves so they can have more fun when they go out? I don't get the need to practice. He's not a competitive dancer and doesn't need to practice with another woman.
I think he should be able to find someone who will practice with him if she won't. Ballroom and Latin dancing require regular practice to keep reasonably good, and men especially need it to be able to lead the moves correctly.
If his wife isn't willing or that interested (rather selfish, especially if he does things for her that he isn't excited about), then she shouldn't object to him finding a practice partner if this is something he really enjoys. Perhaps there are dance socials offered by local studios, where he can get the practice with whoever comes to the dance. In our modest sized town, there are two studios that have dance socials - one requires that you be a student, but at the other you pay about $10 per person per event attended.
Some friends recently asked a question that my spouse and I are debating. Here are the basic facts:
The husband and wife both enjoy ballroom and latin dancing. The husband feels like he needs more practice in order to practice what he has learned in classes and in order to increase his level of proficiency. The wife is satisfied with their currrent level of competency. For her, it's just about having fun when they go out.
Since she doesn't have the patience to practice at home on a regular basis (or for more than a few minutes here and there), the husband suggested finding a woman in the dance community who shares the same need for practice and practice with her on a weekly basis - the idea being that in the long run his increased proficiency would benefit them (the husband and wife) when they go out, and would help him feel less self-conscious when he has to lead in public.
The wife believes dancing is an intimate activity and is not comfortable with her husband sharing that experience with another woman. He says he has no interest in a romantic relationship and that people in the dance community recognize the difference between a dance relationship and a romantic relationship. The wife agreed to dance with him at home more often, but depsite her best intentions, it just hasn't happened.
The couple asked us what we thought, but even we can't come to an agreement on the subject. Maybe its the difference in the way men and women view the world. I'm curious as to what folks here think. Also, say whether you are male or female.
He asked for her help - she isn't following through.
This is important to him and she's being foolish in her failure to accept that.
Finding a dance partner who will work with him in a dance studio among others is not unreasonable.
I'm going to have to say the woman, but it is not too unreasonable. I can understand why she'd be concerned. Maybe if she met the partner it may put her mind at ease.
This reminds me of a girl I dated. I used to be the head wrestling coach at a major university that also had a women's program. Keep in mind that I am 300 lbs, and the girls on the team weighed 120 at the most, so I never worked out with them. Nonetheless, this woman was jealous of me bring around these girls. I had to end it - I can't be with anyone THAT jealous.
I think he should be able to find someone who will practice with him if she won't. Ballroom and Latin dancing require regular practice to keep reasonably good, and men especially need it to be able to lead the moves correctly.
If his wife isn't willing or that interested (rather selfish, especially if he does things for her that he isn't excited about), then she shouldn't object to him finding a practice partner if this is something he really enjoys. Perhaps there are dance socials offered by local studios, where he can get the practice with whoever comes to the dance. In our modest sized town, there are two studios that have dance socials - one requires that you be a student, but at the other you pay about $10 per person per event attended.
You know, once years back before I learned to love tent camping, I went along with my husband on a campout where it rained and rained. When we arrived back among family, soaked to the skin, my father-in-law asked me why I would go along on such a miserable adventure.
Well, I said, first of all, my husband didn't think it was miserable at all, he LOVED it.
But second, and more importantly, I agreed to sleep with him in a tent in the pouring rain because I knew if I didn't, one day somewhere, there would be another woman willing to do that who might just try to take my place.
And NOBODY is taking my place in my husbands life
I go where he goes, even when I'm not really thrilled with what he might want to do. It makes him happy, which makes me happy, and it broadens my horizons!
You know, once years back before I learned to love tent camping, I went along with my husband on a campout where it rained and rained. When we arrived back among family, soaked to the skin, my father-in-law asked me why I would go along on such a miserable adventure.
Well, I said, first of all, my husband didn't think it was miserable at all, he LOVED it.
But second, and more importantly, I agreed to sleep with him in a tent in the pouring rain because I knew if I didn't, one day somewhere, there would be another woman willing to do that who might just try to take my place.
And NOBODY is taking my place in my husbands life
I go where he goes, even when I'm not really thrilled with what he might want to do. It makes him happy, which makes me happy, and it broadens my horizons!
You are a better wife than I will ever be because there is no way in heck I'd go camping in a tent. My husband jokes that the first bug I saw in my tent would have me packing my bags and running to a hotel.
If some woman wanted to try and take my place...heck I'd shake her hand and step aside.
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