Please offer me advice - girlfriend is playing games with my heart.

[Zizoo]

Op, so how are you doing now?. Are you able to fix things with her or you dumped her?

Anyways, mine is very complicated but to some, it's easy to say "move on".

Me and my girl were together for 2 yrs. I dont mean lived together. Two days to xmas 2013, i stopped communication with her cus of her childish behavior. I did this only to get a break NOT breakup. I intended to call her back in few weeks but anytime she called, she continued with silly demands that puts me off.

This eventually led to 8 months not seeing each other but she did text and called and we talked at least twice a month in 2014. For some reason, I called her back in the middle of September and to my surprise she was pregnant. I didnt see this coming. I asked her who is your husband?. She said "no one". Who is your boyfriend? She said "no one". I have problem with second answer cus that's obviously not possible. She later explained that it was just by accident by one of her childhood friends but nothing serious btw them. And that she lives with a good "Samaritan", a woman who gave her a place in her building. I believed her story and she asked if we can fix things?. I acknowledged. And if I would love to be her baby's godfather?. I was reluctant.

So i thought since baby father is just a hood-rat who doesnt give a f about her, I would step in. So we started shopping for baby'stuff and her stuff. We bought things needed to fix the place given to her by "samaritan". She was 5 months prego when she came back. A months later she brought a guy to pick me up to go to home depot to buy other things needed for her place. According to her, the guy is a "contractor". The same guy came over to my house to pick up the stove I bought for her. I was not home when she came to pick up the stove. She introduced the same guy as "driver" to help pick up the stove. I later found out in August 15 2015, 10 months after, on her fb page the same guy is actually her baby's father. I was hurt but she neither acknowledged nor denied.

I still continued helping her throughout eventhough it's now clear that she lives with her baby father but willing to move cus the situation is bad in the house (many people smoking weed). I struggled looking around for places. Anytime I found one, something always come up like she's no longer interested or no money saved yet. Long story short, she now tell me on New Year's Eve that she loves her baby father and want to raise her kid with him. Thats a week ago. I was pained and hurt but at the same time, I realized also that I deliberately ignored RED FLAGS. She now threatened me that her baby daddy will kill me if he ever see us together. Good Samaritan is actually her baby's father's mother. She's basically living with her in-law while lied to me for months.

[bulmabriefs144]

Originally Posted by bt1980

Hi. I have joined to get some advice and seek solace in other people's similar emotions. I have been in a relationship with a girl for nearly 7 years and its been a rocky few years and it all seems to be coming to a head this year - a year that started with such promise when she asked what I would say if she proposed to me. That was on new years eve and was probably the closest we have ever been when we went away for a few days.

But in the last few weeks, things have happened which have caused me so much pain emotionally.

(Drama)

I'm 31 years old and really want to settle down. I dont want to have wasted 7 years of my life with nothing to show. I was hoping to have children real soon and if I dodnt stick with this girl, its going to be years until I have kids, if at all.

Thankyou for reading this and I dearly hope for alot of advice to come flooding this way as I feel I need it so badly.

BT

Ignore the drama. The boy is just that. A boy. How you respond tells her whether you're ready to be her guy or not. And how she responds to you. If she expects you to be jealous rather than emotionally stable, she's probably not ready for a relationship. You need to show her that you love her more than you hate competition. The way to do that is not to pull away in jealousy but to be there even more for her.

Also. What did you say when she asked about the proposal? Because from where I sit there are two ways of reading this.

1. She wanted you to propose to her. I mean it's been 7 years! The thing is, this is sort of passive aggressive, since if you weren't sure she could have sucked it up and just proposed. In any case, anything less than excited about this reads to her as complacent and taking her for granted. The "boyfriend" is there to shake things up.
2. On the other hand, the reason she asked was possibly the opposite of wanting to propose to you. Maybe you were too clingy and needy lately, and she wanted to gauge this. Maybe in her heart she is feeling scared, while you are pushing too much to have a family when she isn't sure she wants one.

In either event, rather than reacting impulsively, maybe you had better just sit down and talk with her. It will clear up some of the drama, let you know where you stand, and you can make a decision.