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I think about my exes from time to time. I've learned from them what I will and won't put up with in future relationships, which helps me weed out potential new guys. The biggest lessons I've learned is that I absolutely will not wear the pants in the relationship (or allow my partner to wear them) because equality is best, I don't do needy, and I absolutely have to be attracted to the person I'm dating. That doesn't necessarily mean that he has to be Brad Pitt/George Clooney/fill in the blank, but I have to find him attractive. Otherwise, it's not going to last because I have a wandering eye and get bitter, even if he's a nice guy. Also, after dating a man, I won't date boys.
I'm completely unable to date or see other people if I still feel affected by a past relationship, but once I'm over that, I fully open my heart because that's the only way I know how to do it. That said, that doesn't mean the way I do it is the only way to do it. Every person will be different.
I'm not saying that I wont miss her. Or feel sad. It's just that at my age I dont have time to feel sorry for myself. Plenty of horny, old,blue haired ladies' panties to get into!! So why dwell on the past?
I've been thinking about this and just how much I am turned off by relationships at this point and it has especially shown in the last few months after I have started dating a lot of these women. I have been growing attracted to the ones that I don't have any commitment to, and that I can just go out with, but the ones that start to take things more seriously make me just want to go away. When I think about having a committed relationship, I think of nothing but terrible things and then I stop talking to the girl.
I can't help but think it is from my past relationship where I got stuck with a girl for way too long who was bitter about life and just downright mean. The thing is though, I am not upset about my last relationships, I don't think about them and I don't hold any resentment towards them.. but I feel like it's still in my head subconsciously.
What's weird is that my life is great right now, I don't have problems with meeting girls, I'm living a very active life and it is probably the best my life has been in years. It's the best shape ive been in, in probably 4 years I'm not bitter towards anyone and I'm just as outgoing as I've ever been.
Guess I am just wondering how normal/abnormal it is... maybe it's just normal and the fact that the girls I've been dating that want to get serious are just not for me? What do you guys think?
Past relationships don't affect me; I find no reason to dwell in what might have been. Now is all I care about, & that keeps me open to new possibilities. More often than not though guys are living in the past- at least the last few I got to know. That's a huge turnoff.....
One more point that pertains to the question is what I'm currently experiencing, lol
My ex that I let go of last summer is constantly here, or calling, or showing up where I am- that makes it hard to think of him as a "past" relationship. At least he's fun to hang around with
I've been thinking about this and just how much I am turned off by relationships at this point and it has especially shown in the last few months after I have started dating a lot of these women. I have been growing attracted to the ones that I don't have any commitment to, and that I can just go out with, but the ones that start to take things more seriously make me just want to go away. When I think about having a committed relationship, I think of nothing but terrible things and then I stop talking to the girl.
I can't help but think it is from my past relationship where I got stuck with a girl for way too long who was bitter about life and just downright mean. The thing is though, I am not upset about my last relationships, I don't think about them and I don't hold any resentment towards them.. but I feel like it's still in my head subconsciously.
What's weird is that my life is great right now, I don't have problems with meeting girls, I'm living a very active life and it is probably the best my life has been in years. It's the best shape ive been in, in probably 4 years I'm not bitter towards anyone and I'm just as outgoing as I've ever been.
Guess I am just wondering how normal/abnormal it is... maybe it's just normal and the fact that the girls I've been dating that want to get serious are just not for me? What do you guys think?
This past relationship might be plaguing your mind, but let's face it, in the end, whatever is supposed to happen will happen. If you're destined for a committed relationship and a family, then that's where life will lead you. If you're supposed to be a bachelor, dating hot girls all life, then that's what will happen
For me, my past relationships don't affect me at all. Once I leave and am with someone new, they have no impact on me whatsoever. Yes I remember them, and have great memories, but nothing more than that.
Past relationship can affect you in good ways and destructive ones, so it's not a straight answer. If you learn from the mistakes and you become a better partner, then by all means, let them keep affecting you positively. If it's the opposite, figure out what the problem was, move on, spend your attentions more positively. I guess I don't see how there could legitimately be a time-frame answer to this.
My first real relationship (and only one that involved cohabitation), which officially ended a decade ago, still affects me, but in kind of weird way. It was the defining relationship of my life. I was in love; he was in love. We cared about each other deeply, and we still carry good feelings for each other to this day. I'm convinced that if I called him tomorrow, he would be at my door in as long as it took him to drive to my place. If I die tomorrow, I've known love, and that's cool by me. Obviously, there were problems with the relationship - it wasn't perfect by a long shot and it ended. But what I'm looking for now is something better than that relationship.
Now if you combine that with my most recent relationship, things start to get weirder. The guy was very emotionally stunted and strung me along for over a year. He took subtle digs at me that undermined my confidence and led to me pruning away bits of my personality to fit his expectations. I am appalled that I was so easily manipulated.
I believe that recent experience, combined with the knowledge that a loving and mutually supportive relationship is definitely possible makes me impatient when I meet a guy I like. I'm not desperate or even longing for marriage/kids/whatever. But ambiguity frustrates me. I want to know if he likes me, if he's emotionally open/available, if he wants the same kind of relationship I want. Is what we have going to result in success or failure? And of course, my impatience inevitably dooms the budding relationship. Trying to rein that tendency in right now. :P
My last relationship ended a little over a year ago and it still affects me. The relationships before that all have zero meaning to me at this point now.
I think that's why I've decided to start dating again. If I can meet someone great then I think that's the only way for me to get from 80% over my ex to 100% over my ex. I would very much like to just be over my ex completely, I'm willing to do anything at this point.
I'm not saying that I wont miss her. Or feel sad. It's just that at my age I dont have time to feel sorry for myself. Plenty of horny, old,blue haired ladies' panties to get into!! So why dwell on the past?
Only as long as you allow them to. They're ex's for a reason. No need to dwell.
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