Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I live in D.C. and know a lot of sensitive women, and people in general. Pretty much all the people I choose to associate with in my life are sensitive, of all genders, but also including women. I think a lot of it has to do with the social circles you are involved in through your profession, hobbies, and what area of D.C. you live in.
Many thx for sharing the interesting info about your experience! I am very happy to hear that you had such a good experience with knowing more sensitive people locally here in D.C. Most of my social circles pretty much ended during college (very long story as to why exactly). Profession is public-sector IT, but there are very few people my age where I work. Hobbies include pretty much anything IT-related and dabbling with music synthesizers and some retro/classic music studio equipment, among other things. D.C. area currently living in is suburban NOVA very close to D.C. by car and by subway.
It is not for me to judge anyone..."Judge not; lest ye be judged". Certainly, there are things that make me feel more likely to be attracted to a woman; the one that just stands out the strongest is how kind and affectionate she is to me. I would never exclude a woman from romantic consideration if she was not virginal...who am I, to judge her? I'm hardly perfect myself. Still, kindness and gentleness in a woman are and remain the single most attractive romantic qualities to me, though
I think a lot of women possess the qualities you're speaking about, but you're not going to see them until you've known them for some time. Since it takes time to develop trust and a connection in a relationship, you likely won't see how kind or affectionate a woman is immediately.
While I was incredibly kind and affectionate to my last boyfriend (and he reciprocated), it didn't all happen overnight - it had to build as the relationship grew. Those are very vulnerable qualities that women can't just pour on, since we need to protect ourselves.
Most of the qualities you've listed would not serve a woman well as she interacts with the general public, particularly not in D.C. As an east coast city girl, I don't know any woman who would publicly display all that you're requesting because she'd be destroyed. I'm typically very sweet and kind to people who know me, but I've lived in cities for a decade (including NYC and London - places where you absolutely must have a back bone), so I have an edge. Even though I am generally very nice, my nasty side will come out immediately once provoked - it's survival.
My old roommate once told me she could never imagine any guy I dated calling me "Baby" because she didn't think I was warm and fuzzy (obviously, we didn't get along well and all she saw was my edgy side), but my ex called me "Baby" all the time. I was incredibly kind, sweet, and nurturing to him, but he earned it over time. It took time for him to treat me that way too.
Another old roommate from NYC now lives in D.C., and has many of the qualities you've listed, but she also has an edge. She's an amazing person, has one of the best hearts I know, was virginal until she married, but she would never allow you to walk on her. From what you're describing, it sounds as if you want a woman who could easily be trampled. Not necessarily by you, but if she possessed only those qualities, she wouldn't survive, particularly not in D.C. But why would you want a woman who could be trampled anyway?
My guess is that there has been some severe turbulence (for lack of a better word) in your past, and you're looking to avoid it by finding someone who never raises her voice, is submissive, and will never cause any drama. Unfortunately, that doesn't make for a sustainable relationship or future because human beings are not geared to deflect or accept everything. We are geared to fight for survival and sometimes yell and be ugly and nasty, which are all things I suspect you want to avoid. But in avoiding all these natural parts of relationships and life, you will miss tremendous opportunities for growth too.
You should look into Drs. Hal and Sidra Stone. They've done really interesting work with Voice Dialogue and how all the different parts that we all have (the dominant/submissive, generous/selfish, kind/nasty, powerful/vulnerable, etc.) shape us as people and how it affects our relationships. Everyone possesses both qualities, but some are more in touch with others and some suppress certain aspects of themselves. What you're looking for is a woman who suppresses everything you perceive as negative (loud, angry, nasty), but you're not realizing that those very qualities are essential and part of life. I feel there's much there for you to learn and how good it is to allow ourselves to feel and express a multitude of emotions and not just the perceived positive ones.
Many thx for sharing the interesting info about your experience! I am very happy to hear that you had such a good experience with knowing more sensitive people locally here in D.C. Most of my social circles pretty much ended during college (very long story as to why exactly). Profession is public-sector IT, but there are very few people my age where I work. Hobbies include pretty much anything IT-related and dabbling with music synthesizers and some retro/classic music studio equipment, among other things. D.C. area currently living in is suburban NOVA very close to D.C. by car and by subway.
Oh, I see what you mean. D.C. does tend to be just a bunch of suits walking around once you get past college, especially in the government/medical/office building areas. When I ride the metro, most of the people have an "I take myself too seriously" vibe about them, lol.
I have a lot of friends that are over college age though, so you might have some luck in find college students that are open to having older friends--who still retain the sensitivity of not having been molded into their 9-5 boring job ethic. A lot of my friends are in grad school too. Many grad students seem more flexible in having a foot in the college world and a foot in the adult working world, so you might have a chance at making friends with grad students. Maybe you can hang around some of the university neighborhoods to meet some grad students (try Georgetown/Foggy Bottom area, Union station/Capitol Hill area, and Van Ness/Tenleytown area. And even though there's no official university in Dupont Circle area, a lot of college and grad students flock there, especially since you have to metro to Dupont to get to Georgetown.
There are also some bands you could possibly join that have lots of the sensitive people you're looking for. I remember being part of some bands as a kid, but there were adult bands too. Most of the ones I was involved in are jazz but I'm sure you could find some fusion folks and make some great music together. U street has a lively music scene. You might have some more luck hanging out in those areas.
PM me for more detailed information if you're interested. I can name some schools and some online websites where I've met some great people that I eventually became friends with in person as well.
Oh, I see what you mean. D.C. does tend to be just a bunch of suits walking around once you get past college, especially in the government/medical/office building areas. When I ride the metro, most of the people have an "I take myself too seriously" vibe about them, lol.
I have a lot of friends that are over college age though, so you might have some luck in find college students that are open to having older friends--who still retain the sensitivity of not having been molded into their 9-5 boring job ethic. A lot of my friends are in grad school too. Many grad students seem more flexible in having a foot in the college world and a foot in the adult working world, so you might have a chance at making friends with grad students. Maybe you can hang around some of the university neighborhoods to meet some grad students (try Georgetown/Foggy Bottom area, Union station/Capitol Hill area, and Van Ness/Tenleytown area. And even though there's no official university in Dupont Circle area, a lot of college and grad students flock there, especially since you have to metro to Dupont to get to Georgetown.
There are also some bands you could possibly join that have lots of the sensitive people you're looking for. I remember being part of some bands as a kid, but there were adult bands too. Most of the ones I was involved in are jazz but I'm sure you could find some fusion folks and make some great music together. U street has a lively music scene. You might have some more luck hanging out in those areas.
PM me for more detailed information if you're interested. I can name some schools and some online websites where I've met some great people that I eventually became friends with in person as well.
Thank you so much for sharing more about your experiences and for the great suggestions and your kindness, my friend!! I deeply appreciate everything; you are very sweet and again thank you so much! I would be more than happy to PM you...again thx!
Millions. Most women (and people in general) have those qualities you list but I think many of them tend to screen it all behind a defensive posture around strangers because there is the possibility that the stranger will attempt to take advantage of those qualities and who wants to put up with an axxhole who tries to do that?
[and also figure sometimes it is easier to appear indifferent, i.e. leave me alone]
Being sensitive does not mean you are not empowered. I know a lot of women who are both very compassionate, loving, caring, sensitive, AND also empowered, confident, ambitious, and even inspiring. Many of the women that I know will lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on, give a helping hand, reach out to others, express love and appreciation, AND also love and respect themselves enough not to allow their partners (regardless of gender) to abuse or otherwise mistreat them. In fact many of the women I know fit into several minority groups, some of them Black, Latina, Lesbian, Bi, Deaf, Blind, Disabled, etc. and they still do not let others take advantage of them and know when to speak up.
Compassion, kindness and caring are NOT weaknesses; they are strengths and admirable qualities. If you read my previous post, I stated that quite clearly. However, "soft-spoken," "soft-hearted" and "sentimental" are not exactly strengths. Those qualities - strongly associated with that socially ingrained need to be "nice" so many women possess (including me, to a degree) - easily become weaknesses, in my eyes. They are all pieces that go into the feminine ideal that was largely promulgated by men over the past couple of centuries.
I have a reputation for being the person the people I care about turn to in a crisis. If I was soft-hearted, soft-spoken and sentimental, trust me, I would not be as effective as I am when I am assertive, practical and even-handed. I am never cruel or mean, and I try not to be rude, even if my ADD means it happens more than I like. Most people who know me describe me as warm and bubbly. But no one would ever use the three adjectives I have in quotes above that were taken from the OP. I would never want them to use those words to describe me.
Just curious for some outside perspective about something I was thinking about earlier today: do you think sensitive women are a relative rarity in today's society, or have you personally encountered them on a more frequent basis than average? (By "sensitive", I mean women who match any of the following personality characteristics or qualities: kind, soft-spoken, caring, gentle, compassionate, tenderhearted or softhearted, sentimental, etc.)
The reason I ask is because I can literally count the number of truly-sensitive women (i.e., matching the above qualities) that I have known in my life, on one hand...I guess a lot of times I honestly wish there were a lot more of them out there... Then again, part of it may be related to where I live (D.C.), which isn't exactly known for bringing out the loving, more sweet and gentle side in the ladies...
If you had to estimate, how many women would you say that you have known thus far in life, who are like this? I myself have known exactly four in my life, so far anyway...
I know women who can be all or none of those depending on the day, the time, and who she had to deal with during the course of the day. I don't expect someone to be like that all the time, because hyper-sensitivity is both extremely annoying and totally unnecessary. I don't want someone who will start crying over little things, or gets emotional watching stuff on the tube, or whatever. In addition, a woman like ths wouldn't be able to handle certain aspects of my job, like me not being able to really talk about what goes on, or the long hours spent with strangers I'm trying to help.
The women I've met who are like this usually have the "drama queen" personality to match. As a sidenote, I've met several men like this at some point or another and I absolutely CANNOT stand being around them- people like that often can't handle my morbid, sensitive, and occasionally offensive sense of humor.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Most of my social circles pretty much ended during college (very long story as to why exactly). Profession is public-sector IT, but there are very few people my age where I work. Hobbies include pretty much anything IT-related and dabbling with music synthesizers and some retro/classic music studio equipment, among other things. D.C. area currently living in is suburban NOVA very close to D.C. by car and by subway.
Then again, part of it may be related to where I live (D.C.), which isn't exactly known for bringing out the loving, more sweet and gentle side in the ladies...
