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I went on a quasi hangout/date with a guy a few weeks ago. Anyway, I think it went well—before we left, the guy invited me to a weekend party he said he was planning on hosting with his friends. Then he never got back to me, and I thought maybe he was just not interested or intentionally ignoring me. I got in touch with him about a week later, just asking oh, how’d the party go? And he replied, oh, it actually never ended up happening for xyz reasons. And I was like yeah, just wanted to follow up cause I didn’t know if it happened or not, and he was like oh sorry, I think of them as rather informal and spontaneous, I’ll keep you better updated next time I have one (decent response, I guess? or does that sound flaky).
We were talking a bit and he said he had a good time, basically said he’s a fan of letting things happen naturally and he just wants to see where things go with us and keep doing what we're doing. I know he travels for work a lot and we have our own lives, and he’s very independent, but I'm just not sure how interested he is, if at all (in me as a friend or more). We kind of set the expectation that we really want to get to know each other better whether we call it a hang out or a date. I felt like he definitely wanted to get to know me at the time, but I thought most people want to hang out sooner/more frequently if they are truly interested (friend or more)? Or if we’re just keeping it more informal and friendly, is that ok that we don’t see each other as much? Or does that matter?
I know every guy is different, and this is very early on, but would appreciate any perspectives on this. Can you see a guy every three weeks and him still be interested – does it show he just has no agenda and is really taking things as they come since we agreed on this friendly approach? Or is he just trying to hint that he’s no longer interested and I’m just not getting the message? I've never dated (or been on a date period) before, or been in a limbo situation like this, so just curious as to what this might mean....regardless of the romantic potential, I definitely want to get to know him better as a person. Thanks for any responses!
He's not looking for commitment or even a serious relationship. If you enjoy hanging out with him and don't need a relationship, keep on with this guy. If it feels too one-sided for you or you're looking for more, cut bait. If you get clingy, he'll be gone. So what are YOU looking for? If this guy fits it, you're in luck. But don't try to change him.
Just went through something kind of similar myself. We would hang out maybe once a week...I'd get maybe a text or two from him a day, but in the past month I've seen him one time and he goes long periods of time without talking to me. It really sucks to hear, but if someone really likes you they make time and if they truly don't have the time they call or text and they make plans for when they will have time. If you're only looking for something casual, then this situation is fine for you. But if you're hopeful for more I wouldn't waste time on someone to see them once a month. And I've encountered plenty of cowardly guys who won't just say hey - I'm not that interested, sorry. Don't wait around.
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