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Old 06-21-2012, 03:41 PM
 
Location: usa
890 posts, read 1,642,388 times
Reputation: 343

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So I have posted about this girl previously. We met in january and we decided a few days ago that we really like each other and may be serious in the future. However she advised me that she's interviewing for a position with her company that's a higher salary. Her annual bonus would be the amount of my salary! I began to feel inadequate. She's pretty successful. She's also 10 years older. But her last gf was around my age as well. I'm looking for a better job and have had interviews. Obviously my salary won't be as high as hers, but I'm concerned because money isn't an issue to her. I can pay my bills, but I rarely have any money left over. I really like her. I'm not sure what I do.
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:51 PM
 
Location: The D-M-V area
13,691 posts, read 18,353,152 times
Reputation: 9595
Quote:
Originally Posted by futureATLien View Post
So I have posted about this girl previously. We met in january and we decided a few days ago that we really like each other and may be serious in the future. However she advised me that she's interviewing for a position with her company that's a higher salary. Her annual bonus would be the amount of my salary! I began to feel inadequate. She's pretty successful. She's also 10 years older. But her last gf was around my age as well. I'm looking for a better job and have had interviews. Obviously my salary won't be as high as hers, but I'm concerned because money isn't an issue to her. I can pay my bills, but I rarely have any money left over. I really like her. I'm not sure what I do.
#1. You're only dating. Not getting married, you're d.a.t.i.n.g. Period.

#2. Why do you think you've wrapped your self worth around how much you earn per year?

#3. If you have a hang-up about dating a woman who earns more than you do, what's the reason for you feeling insecure?

#4. You should be happy that you're dating a woman who isn't going to lean on your for your money while you're dating.

#5. She's 10 years older than you are. Think about that. Does it make you feel like a "trophy date"?

#6. Do you feel less "needed" to know that she's financially stable, does your ego cause you to feel unequal because you earn less money, would you rather date someone who is financially inferior to you?

Last edited by LuckyGem; 06-21-2012 at 04:02 PM.. Reason: I altered my reply for a same-sex relationship.
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:54 PM
 
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
5,522 posts, read 10,161,366 times
Reputation: 2572
So I take it you are a female? Well Im not really sure of that dynamic.

However, as a dude, it would really depend on the woman.

For instance, my wife right now, I would have no problem if she made more than me, because, money really isnt anything more to either of us than just something we need to live on. I also dont think it would bother her in the slightest either.

Why I would generally be hesitant to date a woman with higher income, is because I believe most women are gold diggers by nature, and simply expect the man to live up to a higher professional achievement than herself, or label him a loser.

Again though, I cant really comment on your situation, since, both of you are women, Im not sure the dynamic. Maybe shes "peacocking" like generally a man would do by tossing around figures....in that case, you probably shouldnt be worried. However, if its a you issue, and maybe it is, you need to move past tying yourself to a "dollar figure", or move on, because feeling inadequate will eventually poison everything.
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Old 06-21-2012, 03:55 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,261,753 times
Reputation: 43042
She's 10 years older than you, so yeah, odds are she's going to be making more than you, all things being equal. Pay your own fair share, and don't worry about the difference in salaries. If she wants to do something out of your price range, let her know honestly and without resentment or anxiety. And, for the love of all that's holy, chill out.
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Old 06-21-2012, 04:01 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,261,753 times
Reputation: 43042
Quote:
Originally Posted by Randomdude View Post
Why I would generally be hesitant to date a woman with higher income, is because I believe most women are gold diggers by nature, and simply expect the man to live up to a higher professional achievement than herself, or label him a loser.
That's just messed up. Does your wife know you think most people with vaginas are gold diggers? How does she feel about that?

I've always dated men who made significantly less than I do - it's just the way it works out. I support myself - I'm not a remora, for chrissakes. I know plenty of wealthy losers, though. Money's not going to make them any more palatable.
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Old 06-21-2012, 04:16 PM
 
Location: usa
890 posts, read 1,642,388 times
Reputation: 343
I'm not a gold digger by any means. I dont ask my parents for money, so it would be awkward asking for money from her.
I just feel like I dont measure up that's all
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Old 06-21-2012, 04:19 PM
 
Location: The D-M-V area
13,691 posts, read 18,353,152 times
Reputation: 9595
Quote:
Originally Posted by futureATLien View Post
I'm not a gold digger by any means. I dont ask my parents for money, so it would be awkward asking for money from her.
I just feel like I dont measure up that's all
Why are you equating your personal value and what you bring to a relationship with how much money you earn?
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Old 06-21-2012, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
5,522 posts, read 10,161,366 times
Reputation: 2572
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
That's just messed up. Does your wife know you think most people with vaginas are gold diggers? How does she feel about that?
She sure does know that, and I thank her for not being one every time it comes up. I have no problems expressing my opinions on the matter.


Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
I've always dated men who made significantly less than I do - it's just the way it works out. I support myself - I'm not a remora, for chrissakes. I know plenty of wealthy losers, though. Money's not going to make them any more palatable.

So these men, you never once made subtle digs at them about "improving themselves" or hid them from your work colleagues, or forced them in to uncomfortable situations, or changed the subject when they came up around your friends?
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Old 06-21-2012, 04:25 PM
 
4,217 posts, read 7,275,346 times
Reputation: 5372
I make more than my bf and he is 4 years older than me. I'm also in grad school. He doesn't feel inadequate. It's likely I will always earn more than him because of my advanced education. I think and hope these "roles" in relationships aren't still stuck in the stone age. If they are, I've never experienced it. Men I've dated always had more to offer me then just a paycheck. I hope you are more than what you make in your relationship as well.
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Old 06-21-2012, 04:25 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,055 posts, read 106,836,948 times
Reputation: 115795
Quote:
Originally Posted by futureATLien View Post
So I have posted about this girl previously. We met in january and we decided a few days ago that we really like each other and may be serious in the future. However she advised me that she's interviewing for a position with her company that's a higher salary. Her annual bonus would be the amount of my salary! I began to feel inadequate. She's pretty successful. She's also 10 years older. But her last gf was around my age as well. I'm looking for a better job and have had interviews. Obviously my salary won't be as high as hers, but I'm concerned because money isn't an issue to her. I can pay my bills, but I rarely have any money left over. I really like her. I'm not sure what I do.
If she doesn't mind, and you don't see yourself getting a complex over it, like your manhood is threatened or something, then go for it! If you're both into each other, why throw obstacles in the way? Enjoy!

Listen, it's so hard for people to pair up, that when that miracle happens, you shouldn't hesitate to give it a try and see if it works out. I hope it does. Let us know.
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