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Old 06-23-2012, 11:53 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,054 posts, read 106,836,948 times
Reputation: 115795

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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88 View Post
Si I'm curious, can a guy who is timid and shy around women get a date? I;m talking about a guy who it isnt easy for him to just go right up and start a conversation and all that but maybe gradualy starts a conversation or small talk over a period of time, provided they have the time to do that.

So basically, would you rather a guy, whom, you do not know, come right up and start flrting with you all forward and direct like? Wouldn't this be sort of a turn-off?

Or would you rather get to know a more shy guy who will actually take a bit of time to get to know you and who you are?

Even if the shy guy stands a chance, how does he beat all the more forward and direct guys to the punch, especialy when he feels unwilling and unwanting to compete with them?
I'm not sure what you're asking. Is it a choice between a) direct and bold, or b) subtle and more gradual approach? Well, the latter assumes you'd have an opportunity to get to know someone over time. I'd prefer b). But what if you see someone in the grocery store, and you have no idea how you'll run into her again? You've got to step up and start a light conversation about something, anything. If you live in a small town, you'll have a good chance of running into her again. But still, at some point you have to actually open your mouth and speak to her. Unless you make sure, somehow, that she notices you. Then she may give you a "hi". But then what?

It's all somewhat tricky. Forward and direct can be too forward and direct, depending. It's a delicate balance.

You're assuming the direct, confident guys have the same taste as you in women. They may not. There may not be much competition. Maybe the direct guy comes off like a jerk, like maybe his convo is all about him, so it's a turn-off. Maybe she's the type of woman who finds shyness endearing, or has the wisdom to know that the shy guys tend to be the nice ones. Don't assume you're not in the running. You're thinking in cliches. Life can't be pigeonholed. Sometimes you'll lose out, other times you won't. The important thing is to keep trying, and gain confidence as you go along.
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Old 06-23-2012, 11:54 PM
 
Location: Ohio
13,933 posts, read 12,836,727 times
Reputation: 7398
This logic makes no sense. Ive seen it happen where a guy went up to a girl and was very direct about his intentions.... and was pretty much slapped.......

Don't all the dudes coming up to you hot chicks and flirting with you on a daily basis get annoying????? Infact, don't some of you single girls put wedding rings on just to prevent this? Womens logic.....


Nice guys really do finish last don't they?
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Old 06-23-2012, 11:58 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,928,467 times
Reputation: 13948
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88 View Post
This logic makes no sense. Ive seen it happen where a guy went up to a girl and was very direct about his intentions.... and was pretty much slapped.......

Don't all the dudes coming up to you hot chicks and flirting with you on a daily basis get annoying????? Infact, don't some of you single girls put wedding rings on just to prevent this? Womens logic.....


Nice guys really do finish last don't they?
Often times we do, yeah.
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Old 06-23-2012, 11:59 PM
 
348 posts, read 548,237 times
Reputation: 611
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88 View Post
So I guess if you are a "shy guy" who is unwilling to be a meat head a$$**** or try and compete with the like, you are also going to be a forever-alone....
You don't have to be one or the other, there is a happy medium.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88 View Post
Si I'm curious, can a guy who is timid and shy around women get a date? I;m talking about a guy who it isnt easy for him to just go right up and start a conversation and all that but maybe gradualy starts a conversation or small talk over a period of time, provided they have the time to do that.

So basically, would you rather a guy, whom, you do not know, come right up and start flrting with you all forward and direct like? Wouldn't this be sort of a turn-off?

Or would you rather get to know a more shy guy who will actually take a bit of time to get to know you and who you are?

Even if the shy guy stands a chance, how does he beat all the more forward and direct guys to the punch, especialy when he feels unwilling and unwanting to compete with them?
One has a much better chance, and will have more options, if he's assertive.

Why should someone who is 'unwilling and unwanting to compete' get the girl? Why should he get the girl over the guy who actually risks rejection?

Also, look at it from a girl's perspective. If you come up all shy and meek, she'll think you don't like her or you're a wuss. That doesn't mean you have to be hyper-aggressive. Rather, just be confident and normal.
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Old 06-24-2012, 12:00 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,054 posts, read 106,836,948 times
Reputation: 115795
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88 View Post
Nice guys really do finish last don't they?
You're talking yourself into oblivion. You might as well roll over and die if you're going to believe this. Women look for nice guys. Women will make the first move if they see a nice guy they have a chance to get to know a little, if he's too shy. Smart women do, anyway.
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Old 06-24-2012, 12:14 AM
 
Location: Ohio
13,933 posts, read 12,836,727 times
Reputation: 7398
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrVanNostren View Post
You don't have to be one or the other, there is a happy medium.



One has a much better chance, and will have more options, if he's assertive.

Why should someone who is 'unwilling and unwanting to compete' get the girl? Why should he get the girl over the guy who actually risks rejection?

Also, look at it from a girl's perspective. If you come up all shy and meek, she'll think you don't like her or you're a wuss. That doesn't mean you have to be hyper-aggressive. Rather, just be confident and normal.
helpful post...... all good points

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
You're talking yourself into oblivion. .
LOL yeah, I guess I kinda am aren't I? My last post came off as kind of angry.... Im not mad lol.
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Old 06-24-2012, 12:15 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,666,396 times
Reputation: 25360
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
You're talking yourself into oblivion. You might as well roll over and die if you're going to believe this. Women look for nice guys. Women will make the first move if they see a nice guy they have a chance to get to know a little, if he's too shy. Smart women do, anyway.
Yep I try to go after nice guys.

Then some change.
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Old 06-24-2012, 12:40 AM
 
4,338 posts, read 7,487,581 times
Reputation: 1656
We are talking about shy and/or anxiety at first when you meet her right?

Best option is online and then just meet knowing already she likes you based on your pictures.

Most women don't like shy guys though. Lol, if you are unwilling and not wanting then you aren't competing. You just answered your own question.


Quote:
Originally Posted by WhipperSnapper 88 View Post
Si I'm curious, can a guy who is timid and shy around women get a date? I;m talking about a guy who it isnt easy for him to just go right up and start a conversation and all that but maybe gradualy starts a conversation or small talk over a period of time, provided they have the time to do that.

So basically, would you rather a guy, whom, you do not know, come right up and start flrting with you all forward and direct like? Wouldn't this be sort of a turn-off?

Or would you rather get to know a more shy guy who will actually take a bit of time to get to know you and who you are?

Even if the shy guy stands a chance, how does he beat all the more forward and direct guys to the punch, especialy when he feels unwilling and unwanting to compete with them?
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Old 06-24-2012, 12:41 AM
 
4,338 posts, read 7,487,581 times
Reputation: 1656
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotARedneck View Post
Actually, it depends whether he is good looking or rumored to have family money. We started a rumor in college that a certain timid/shy guy was from a very wealthy family. For the next two weeks he got more action than the football team!
You could look like tall model. It won't do him any good. He would just be a eye candy to the girls and that is all.
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Old 06-24-2012, 12:44 AM
 
4,338 posts, read 7,487,581 times
Reputation: 1656
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I'm not sure what you're asking. Is it a choice between a) direct and bold, or b) subtle and more gradual approach? Well, the latter assumes you'd have an opportunity to get to know someone over time. I'd prefer b). But what if you see someone in the grocery store, and you have no idea how you'll run into her again? You've got to step up and start a light conversation about something, anything. If you live in a small town, you'll have a good chance of running into her again. But still, at some point you have to actually open your mouth and speak to her. Unless you make sure, somehow, that she notices you. Then she may give you a "hi". But then what?

It's all somewhat tricky. Forward and direct can be too forward and direct, depending. It's a delicate balance.

You're assuming the direct, confident guys have the same taste as you in women. They may not. There may not be much competition. Maybe the direct guy comes off like a jerk, like maybe his convo is all about him, so it's a turn-off. Maybe she's the type of woman who finds shyness endearing, or has the wisdom to know that the shy guys tend to be the nice ones. Don't assume you're not in the running. You're thinking in cliches. Life can't be pigeonholed. Sometimes you'll lose out, other times you won't. The important thing is to keep trying, and gain confidence as you go along.
If the woman wants to know that direct guy then he is telling her about himself though.

I feel a lot comfortable in a diverse setting where the people are from different parts of the world then just one ethnicity.
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