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It's not a rejection really, you're just totally different personality types. I chat with guys all the time who aren't interested, because they prefer a certain type. Guys chat with me who I'm not interested in, because they're not my type. This is just ordinary, routine stuff, part of the search process. AFAIK, no one gets bent out of shape over these little daily "rejections". Granted, the incident you describe in the OP was the Brush-off From Hell. Also the Dodged Bullet From Hell. After you shake it off, just move on. To the bookstore, the library, the wild animal rescue volunteer crew, whatever. There are millions of women out there. Some of them would be interested in meeting you, but you're missing out, because you're focussed on body builders.
part of the reason I do train hard in order to get big is to attract the women that I like. The few times I have seen strong-looking women or women who are actually pushing heavy dumbbells and barbells, the majority have a boyfriend (or husband) in tow who is just absolutely HUGE or intimidating looking.
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I think some of you are right in saying that I should look for other women (due to availability and prevalence issues.) I do have other interests. I am a voracious reader (currently reading Mason & Dixon by Thomas Pynchon, great read,) I love art, classic film, chess and just anything that educates my mind. Smart women are also a huge turn-on for me. Maybe I should search those venues instead of the gym. It's funny, I spend as much if not more time in the library than in the gym .
Anytime you make a choice not for yourself but based on what others will think, you're bound to fail. And And trying to attract women based on their build and yours, again, going to be almost impossible. It's quite an assumption that just because you are a bodybuilder, female bodybuilders will be attracted to you.
While the outer packaging may be appealing, what happens when the inside is less than appealing? Surely you're not choosing a life partner based on exterior alone. And even if you and she are buff now, what happens when the aging process takes over? Arnie used to be Mr. Universe but now he's just a 65 year old man with a flabby midsection. Of all the things to bond over, I would focus on your other interests because it's going to be almost impossible to find someone who is perfectly compatible for you and go toe-to-toe with you in the gym.
Anytime you make a choice not for yourself but based on what others will think, you're bound to fail. And And trying to attract women based on their build and yours, again, going to be almost impossible. It's quite an assumption that just because you are a bodybuilder, female bodybuilders will be attracted to you.
While the outer packaging may be appealing, what happens when the inside is less than appealing? Surely you're not choosing a life partner based on exterior alone. And even if you and she are buff now, what happens when the aging process takes over? Arnie used to be Mr. Universe but now he's just a 65 year old man with a flabby midsection. Of all the things to bond over, I would focus on your other interests because it's going to be almost impossible to find someone who is perfectly compatible for you and go toe-to-toe with you in the gym.
This is an excellent post. I suggest the OP print this out and memorize it verbatim.
^not really. People that enjoy doing something that the other half enjoys, as well, is the key to a long lasting relationship. Two people that take fitness seriously would be a good match.
^not really. People that enjoy doing something that the other half enjoys, as well, is the key to a long lasting relationship. Two people that take fitness seriously would be a good match.
Yes, it could. The OP can keep looking in that arena while also broadening his search process to include women who share other interests with him. Like for ex., he said he likes smart women, he hangs out at the library a lot, etc. It doesn't have to be either-or. It can be both-and. Plus more.
Thank you EVERYBODY for all the excellent responses. It took a bit of time, but I am finally at the point where I have basically forgotten about this woman.
Couple of things I want to make clear, though. I have been into weight training ever since soccer injuries ended that career late in High School, so I train in that field first and foremost because I truly enjoy the sport. However, I would be lying if I said that my attraction to other female lifters doesn't "push" me a little more. Also, my attraction isn't EXCLUSIVELY geared toward bodybuilders or even powerlifters. Rather, it's towards women who are also into lifting like I am. I just am not attracted to those who do just cardio, or who are afraid to lift heavy poundage. This poses challenges for a couple reasons:
1. Those women are just plain hard to find, and as I have gathered from experience, the gym sometimes is a brutal place when trying to find a partner. It might be easier to meet people in a class setting, but the majority of classes are either aerobics-based or yoga-based, and thus those classes don't attract lifters. I know a lot of women equate men trying to talk to them at the gym with a level of annoyance in equality with a kicking toddler behind your airplane seat, and I am fully aware that there are a ton of absolutely STUPID men who love to creep on women, but keep in mind that some of us are just a little lonely, and want to share in a lifestyle similar to outs. Weight training is, in general, a very solitary activity, and there isn't much in the way of group settings for that kind of activity unlike aerobics, zumba, spin and so on. I would join a Crossfit gym, but I do have a couple problems with their philosophy and just how expensive memberships to those places are (but that's a topic for another thread.)
I just wish there was an easier way to meet people who are into lifting than simply hoping to run into them at the gym. I see the social element with people in group classes, why not lifting?
A lot of you are right in saying that I should expand my horizons and find women that also share in my many other interests (reading, intellectual discussion, economics,) but admittedly most of those other things I do are also solitary activities. My routine is basically early morning gym, then office, then home to do whatever, or I sometimes go out to my favorite cafe to do some reading or go to the park. I also like going out with friends, but my city is not a singles-friendly city at all. It's just hard to meet people, and I admit to feeling a ton of frustration with how hard it was to find someone single to share my fitness interest. Networking isn't easy either; most of my friends only know women who are taken and/or just a complete mismatch for me.
But you're all right, I am going to try and expand my horizons a little bit more. Physical attraction is one thing, along with sharing a passion for lifting, but I do love an intellectual women. I don't think many people outside of my gym know the passions I have outside of lifting for literature, world affairs, mathematics and art. It's just here in Las Vegas, we aren't known as a particularly intellectual town.
Oh. Las Vegas. So, what are your options for moving? What about checking out online dating in the Bay Area, and taking occasional 3-day weekends and vacations there?
Oh. Las Vegas. So, what are your options for moving? What about checking out online dating in the Bay Area, and taking occasional 3-day weekends and vacations there?
Actually, I have been pondering relocation for awhile, but not really because of dating. Most of it is how I am not too much a fan of the city's culture and am less-than-optimistic as to how well-off this city will be economically.
I don't really do online dating anymore. I have had quite a few bad experiences with it and find the women on there to just be way too picky in general. I figure that I have a much better shot if I have a chance to show them my personality as opposed to them just looking at my pictures and stats.
You know OP...... I don't really know how you could get offended.... she came off so damn silly that it was laughable.. really, stand back and get some perspective on it.
She was a fool... shallow, stupid and completely lost in ego....
Look that ego stuff up if you don't get what I'm saying....
You know OP...... I don't really know how you could get offended.... she came off so damn silly that it was laughable.. really, stand back and get some perspective on it.
She was a fool... shallow, stupid and completely lost in ego....
Look that ego stuff up if you don't get what I'm saying....
I did . It took some time but I finally feel much better about it.
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