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Old 06-27-2012, 11:05 AM
 
Location: Earth
24,620 posts, read 28,279,876 times
Reputation: 11416

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Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
It is a difficult situation, I think he has his own suspicions already.
I just can't stand witnessing this though- he's a good guy, hard worker & does everything w/ the family.
Btw, the dude she's sneaking around with is a total loser; he makes no money, (doesn't care to).... parties constantly, has no goals, no property, no ambition, etc.
It is just insane.
But it's not your relationship.
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Old 06-27-2012, 11:18 AM
 
9,000 posts, read 10,177,908 times
Reputation: 14526
Quote:
Originally Posted by chielgirl View Post
But it's not your relationship.
Didn't you already make that point?
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Old 06-27-2012, 11:34 AM
 
22,278 posts, read 21,725,695 times
Reputation: 54735
Standard operating procedure is to tell the wife you know, and give her the opportunity to either tell your brother or you will tell him yourself.

Imagine the fallout if your brother finds out you knew and did nothing. That is the primary relationship you need to take care of.
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Old 06-27-2012, 11:39 AM
 
9,000 posts, read 10,177,908 times
Reputation: 14526
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Standard operating procedure is to tell the wife you know, and give her the opportunity to either tell your brother or you will tell him yourself.

Imagine the fallout if your brother finds out you knew and did nothing. That is the primary relationship you need to take care of.
Exactly, my loyalties are with him. Blood is thicker than water.
I am aware that the kids are also being introduced to this idiot that she's sneaking around with.
So it will catch up to her, I'm sure.
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Old 06-27-2012, 11:51 AM
 
3,501 posts, read 6,166,401 times
Reputation: 10039
ITA with zentropa. Give her a chance to tell him first. If she doesn't, do it yourself. Do NOT discuss this with other family members.
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Old 06-27-2012, 11:59 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,107,581 times
Reputation: 11796
Oh man...if some skank did that to my brother I would be livid. I'd confront her and tell her that I know and if she doesn't come clean right this minute I'm going to tell him myself. And I would. I normally advocate staying out of these kind of situations, but you can't sit by and watch your own brother get hurt like that.
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Old 06-27-2012, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Up North
3,426 posts, read 8,907,527 times
Reputation: 3128
what proof do you have that she is seeing another man?
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Old 06-27-2012, 12:12 PM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,162,802 times
Reputation: 2119
If possible, get evidence of the adultery, and when she files for divorce and tries to take his money and his kids you can whip out the evidence for his divorce court hearing as an early Christmas Present

If you can prove the other person cheated you can win a lot more than if you just have a normal divorce...most likely women win the kids and his money in that scenario.
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Old 06-27-2012, 12:14 PM
 
Location: southwest TN
8,568 posts, read 18,108,085 times
Reputation: 16707
Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
Didn't you already make that point?
But you didn't hear it the first time she said it.

It isn't your relationship.

Be prepared, if you do stick your nose in, to become the sister/aunt no one wants around. The aunt who broke up the marriage and left the children in the middle of a custody battle.

You do not know whether your brother knows and chooses to ignore her "dalliance".

In fact, you do not even "know" she is having an affair - you only suspect it. So you say something to your brother and the instant you say anything, you have changed the relationship between your brother and his wife. Generally, he will become guarded with her, questioning her more on where she is, etc. She will pick up on his lack of trust. Way to go. If there was nothing going on, you may ruin a marriage that was salvagable.

It's your call, but it isn't your relationship.
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Old 06-27-2012, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Hudson County, NJ
1,489 posts, read 3,088,594 times
Reputation: 1193
Sorry I disagree with those that say "its not your relationship"

If someone close to me told me they had suspicions, and why, I'd be grateful and look into it. His wife shouldn't be hiding who she is with, period. This is not acceptable on any level, unless maybe her and this other guy are planning a surprise birthday party for the husband, which doesn't sound like its the case.

If its a misunderstanding, he will get over it. If its the truth, he will thank you. And if he doesn't, he is pretty dumb if he takes that "ignorance is bliss" line.
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