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Everyone who ever lived is "damaged goods" in some ways. No one gets through life unscathed. And not everyone reacts to their past problems in the same way.
With that being said. do keep aware of signs in a person that might be unstable.
Some people let their past fester, and they turn out problematic, while others take their past and use it to make themselves stronger, they become better than what they were before. We all have problems that effect us, but some people let their problems completely consume them while others do not.
Everyone who ever lived is "damaged goods" in some ways. No one gets through life unscathed. And not everyone reacts to their past problems in the same way.
With that being said. do keep aware of signs in a person that might be unstable.
Some people let their past fester, and they turn out problematic, while others take their past and use it to make themselves stronger, they become better than what they were before. We all have problems that effect us, but some people let their problems completely consume them while others do not.
See now? This ^. This is sensible. This is what smart people say.
Everyone who ever lived is "damaged goods" in some ways. No one gets through life unscathed. And not everyone reacts to their past problems in the same way.
With that being said. do keep aware of signs in a person that might be unstable.
Some people let their past fester, and they turn out problematic, while others take their past and use it to make themselves stronger, they become better than what they were before. We all have problems that effect us, but some people let their problems completely consume them while others do not.
True story. You can either be a victim of your experiences, and allow victimhood to define you, or choose to grow and thrive despite difficulties. It's rather ignorant to assume that women (or anybody, for that matter) who have faced adversity fall into the first category rather than the second.
The problem here is your view of a person as "damaged goods". When you get a bit older and more mature, you know that most people have "issues". Most people have had crap in their life, had a mental illness of some sort, an abusive parent/teacher/partner/child/whatever. Life is not all peaches for a lot of people, and they are often better people because of it.
The phrase "damaged goods" implies that the alternative is perfection...prime quality if you like.
So what makes YOU prime quality in your own high opinion? I might take one look at your physique and consider YOU "damaged" and reject you outright, no matter how lovely your manners are. Your manners clearly aren't lovely, so then I would reject you as "damaged" because of your judgemental snotty attitude and lack of compassion.
Mod cut: Orphaned.
I don't believe I have any major issues but that doesn't matter. So what if I did have those issues? That makes it more likely that I should follow the standards I have in the OP. If one person is damaged, why would I go seek out another damaged person? Please show me the successful relationships where both parties are damages and unstable.
I don't believe I have any major issues but that doesn't matter. So what if I did have those issues? That makes it more likely that I should follow the standards I have in the OP. If one person is damaged, why would I go seek out another damaged person? Please show me the successful relationships where both parties are damages and unstable.
The reality is, water seeks it's own level.
You will only ever attract partners with your own level of mental health.
Sure, you may LOOK differently on the outside, and even possibly have different sized bank accounts - but inside you will be just as issue ridden or just as healthy.
Given that, you should simply focus on yourself and getting over whatever your own issues are before you date anyone seriously. Otherwise, no matter how hard you try, no matter how careful you are, you WILL end up with someone just like yourself in mental age, maturity, and mental health.
I don't believe I have any major issues but that doesn't matter. So what if I did have those issues? That makes it more likely that I should follow the standards I have in the OP. If one person is damaged, why would I go seek out another damaged person? Please show me the successful relationships where both parties are damages and unstable.
First of all, no one said damaged goods have to be unstable. It all depends on your definition. You seem to think being "undamaged' means a girl who hatched out of an egg yesterday.
Second of all, you're now saying that if you are damaged good yourself (which this post implies, you are), you would still not settle for anything less than undamaged goods in another person.
First off, I'm a male in my 20's. When I look for a female for a LTR, the first thing I look at after her attractiveness is the red flags. I refuse to date any women with past issues like Bipolar, Borderline, any visits with a shrink, medication, attention whoring, divorces, cheating, promiscuity, abused as a child, domestic abuse, rape, making bad choices in males, etc. Looking at the net for men who got burned in relationships, it always seems like there a few traits in common in those women who have relationship troubles. I will not think twice to run away as fast as possible if a girl tells me she takes medication for some disorder she has. If she says she is bipolar, I leave instantly. I refuse to waste my life giving into any kind of woman who has crazy potential. Ironically despite having high standards in the baggage department, I have relatively low standards of attractiveness. I find all kinds of women attractive whether they are young, old, petite, or tall. Just as long as they don't look bland, I can find most women attractive.
Am I wrong or shallow for looking at these things?
Well, congradulations...you just successfully eliminated 100 percent of females from your dating pool.
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