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How does a "devout Christian" end up with an atheist and vice versa? That seems like it would cause major problems.
As I said, she doesnt cross my lines, I dont cross hers, and weve already decided that any kids we might have will make up their own mind without being press ganged one way or the other.
Granted, I have to bend more than her in this arrangement, since I cannot bash the obsurdity of "god", nor can we watch anything that satirizes or criticizes religion in any way, while she speaks outright about "Jesus" and there is a bible in the house and other religious texts and artifacts, and sometimes she watches the religious programs on Sunday morning on TV.
However, Im ok as long as she doesnt attempt to convert me, force me in to a church, or spend my money supporting organized religion.
Other than that, we generally just don't address the subject. She has proven, like most religious fanatics, to not be able to have a logical conversation about religion without becoming personally incensed, so, we just dont pick at that scab, and all is ok.
He is not gay. Whenever I'm with him I don't see him look at all. You know when you're not looking at your SO but see them anyways. Men will look and look quick and you know when they're trying to hide it. Well, I've never seen him do it and he never gave me any reason to think he did. He's just like that. Freakin' amazing for all you other jerky guys, huh? Is it hard to believe that there are some guys out there that are into their one and only woman?
This guy is such a good person. Calls/texts me every day. We both grew to love each other and be in love with each other. Never, ever looked at another girl in a sexual way. Only looked at me that way. Even the ones that dress all sexy. He looks at them in the face, not their boobs, etc. Never has lied. Said will never cheat on me or hit me or disrespect me and will always be there for me and from what I've seen so far, believe him. We are able to fight and argue respectfully. Always kept his promises. We have ironed out a few wrinkles in each other and we are able to tell each other anything about anyone or each other, etc. I'm a good person as well and have all the traits as him as far as cheating, respectable, etc. We reciprocate each other. We are always working on our relationship to make it better if one of us has any issues and we usually do. We trust each other immensely.
He doesn't have any bad habits like gambling, porno, drinking, smoking, hanging out too much, etc.
BUT.... we have totally NOTHING in common. We are complete opposites:
He like outdoors, I like indoors
I like movies and he falls asleep on most (not all)
He likes cars and well, I don't
I'm a planner, he is not
I like to talk, he does not
I'm more affectionate than him although he is trying and is more affectionate lately
We are so not compatible. But I know there is a lotta crap out there 'cause I have been in relationships before. I was in a relationship with a compatible person and he cheated on me, hung out, stole money, etc., yet we had a good time talking and doing things together.
Ugh!! It's so frustrating. I keep telling him that we are not compatible and we have nothing in common and he's like "I like being with you, so what, we love each other". We have been going out for almost a year. We have been through a lot together in a little bit of time.
I'm afraid to let him go because he is such a good person with good morals/values, etc. But I feel there's something missing. People say 'you know when the right person comes along because you will feel it.' I love him and am in love with him and miss him when he's not around and can't wait to see him and am happy when I do. He feels the same way, he's told me so and I see it in his eyes. I've heard about people feeling lonely in relationships and I don't want that to be me. I know no relationship is perfect, but I heard that being compatible is one thing to a happy relationship.
Do I need to grow up/suck it up/whatever or move on? Is love enough?
You have failed to answer the Number One Question: Does he make your motor run? Do you love him?
If yes, then suck it up and be an adult. For you are not just looking for another you. You're looking for a partner in life. And all those opposite personality traits are probably good for you as a person.
If no, then move on. Because if you're not crazy about the guy, all those little differences will accumulate over time until you can't handle being with him any more.
sablebaby, he KNEW when he came in the door that he was wrong. he kept asking 'are you mad at me'? I said yes. he kept saying that he went out for a bike ride and stopped at his cousins and his cousin doesn't stop talking and it was hard for him to leave. his brother even said that. yeah, right. He said he didn't even go for a ride on his bike because his cousin kept talking. well, he should've said 'sorry, but gotta go. talk to u later.'
And I so do not want to date again. Dating stinks and to try to find someone to trust is hard. I would also have to get used to another person and their faults and their personality and see if it works. It feels like I've wasted my emotion, time, etc. for a year if I break up with him. Ugg!
thanks to everyone for their input.
Yeah, this would bother me a lot. You came all that way to visit him and he leaves for hours? That isn't very respectful of your time on his part. You shouldn't stay with someone because you don't want the time you've spent with them to be a waste. If the relationship isn't right then it isn't right and you'll only waste more time by staying in it. I honestly don't know if you "just know" when you meet the right person, but I stayed in a relationship for 5 1/2 years and even went into a marriage with that person because of some of the same reasons you mentioned. We'd been together a long time, I didn't want to start over with dating again, etc. etc. But I can tell you looking back I just knew deep down that we were NOT right for each other. If deep down you know you aren't right then you should end things before you waste anymore time. Better to be alone than with someone who isn't the right one.
OP, I think you're putting too much emphasis on the word "compatible". You mistakenly believe that compatiblity means alike. It doesn't. A couple can be polar opposites yet have a compatible, fulfilling and blissfully happy relationship. You can be very, very different yet compatible. Sometimes a relationship just works, sometimes it doesn't. No one really has the answer to that one.
OP, I think you're putting too much emphasis on the word "compatible". You mistakenly believe that compatiblity means alike. It doesn't. A couple can be polar opposites yet have a compatible, fulfilling and blissfully happy relationship. You can be very, very different yet compatible. Sometimes a relationship just works, sometimes it doesn't. No one really has the answer to that one.
Good point. Compatible is an attitude you have towards each other.
sablebaby, i know how u feel regarding the loneliness because i came up to his place last night with my son and we spent last night together. This morning after we woke up he went out on his motorcycle and left me here by myself with my son and now he calls to say he's at his cousins. he's been gone for 3 hours already. I came up to his place to spend time with him and he leaves me here at his place by myself, which I don't think it's right....
I'm thinking about breaking it off with him for this and us not being compatible, but are there any other guys like him out there who don't cheat, porno have any bad habits, etc.? I'm afraid I won't be able to find anyone like him again, but it also hurts to be by myself when he should be spending time with me.
It's not right. It's rude behavior. I've been to friends' homes who just kept yakking away, but not for THREE HOURS!
But I'm more concerned about why you want to be with him. You've listed the "bad things" that he isn't/doesn't do, but what is he to you? Three hours away is reason enough reason to become a little angry but not to break off a long relationship. I think you're not really into this guy, and maybe he isn't into you that much either.
No, there are no other guys who don't glance at other women, enjoy porn nor have any bad habits. None. That doesn't mean this is the guy for you. If I think about it, my wife has lots of bad habits, but I accept them and acknowledge that I have my own. She's also thoughtful and considerate and wouldn't disappear for three hours without letting me know where she is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
You have failed to answer the Number One Question: Does he make your motor run? Do you love him?
If yes, then suck it up and be an adult. For you are not just looking for another you. You're looking for a partner in life. And all those opposite personality traits are probably good for you as a person.
If no, then move on. Because if you're not crazy about the guy, all those little differences will accumulate over time until you can't handle being with him any more.
Hmm, this is the same guy you posted about in another thread, asking if you were pushing him too fast by wanting to move in with him. These little tidbits, like him disappearing for a 3 hour bike ride during your visit, would've been helpful in that thread. So after reading this thread AND that thread, my advice is for you to extract your claws from him and leave. He's not "into" you the way you're into him. You clearly want more than he will give you. You're going to wind up with a broken heart if you stay with him.
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