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I know signals can be misread, you might think she's really into you when she's not, so if you meet a woman who thinks might like you, but who isn't initiating anything, how do you know when it's okay to 'get physical' so to speak?
Obviously, this is coming from somebody who hasn't even crossed that line. Not in a 'natural context', at least.
A question for the blokes out there, with all this talk about sexual harassment, are you ever afraid that you'll be accused of molestation or even worse?
Say you meet an attractive girl at a party. You get along great, make a lot of eye contact, a lot of smiling, you feel something strong, and you think she might be digging you. Are there any definitive signals that tell you it's okay to proceed? i.e. kiss her, touch her in certain areas (lol I sound like a teenage pervert, I don't mean even fondle her breasts (although there's a point when that comes in), but even intimate touching like stroking her hair or something corny like that). I mean it just sounds kind of dorky and awkward to actually ask 'can I kiss you' or 'can I feel you up'. Not that I'm really into feeling up women I just meet. But what if say you go on a few dates and you're feeling something, but she just doesn't do something, cos she's too shy.
I guess sometimes it's hard to know how much she's into you and how open she is to getting physical, even light petting or something, in the early stages.
I've met a few girls I thought I've clicked with but when the thought of taking things to the next level I'm pretty much paralyzed by fear because I'm afraid she'll think I'm crossing the line/molesting her or something. I assume she probably doesn't like me, but if I don't do anything I could be waiting for ever.
Sometimes I think courtship is a lot simpler in the animal world. I mean the idea of 'wham bam thankyou mam' doesn't appeal to me *****, but I would think the fear of doing something wrong is very real.
I assume women don't have this problem as much because if a girl came onto them most guys would either like it or, if he wasn't into her, politely say no thankyou, whereas there are women who would kick up a storm if you pinched their ass or something like that .
It's hard to say regarding this hypothetical. It would be easier to touch when you're on a date, which is more intimate than a party. I assume alcohol is being served at this party? What I've done in the past, when music is playing loudly, is put my hand on her waist or back to pull her in closely to talk. It's hard to do the kind of fondling, at a party with a stranger, that you would do on a date.
Well at least now I know why women are hesitant to go out with people they have just met, apparently half the men out there are sexual predators. Reach around and go for the side boob? What are you 15??
As for the OP, when it comes to making a move there is really only one rule you should follow and that is never go in 100%, give her the opportunity to reciprocate. What I mean is when you lean in for a kiss, don't just plant one on her like a sailor on shore-leave. Move in slow and get close enough where its obvious what you are going for, but stop a couple inches away and allow her to close that gap.
After that its really just about reading her signals and testing the limits, this is not an invitation to start groping until she says stop. In fact if she has to actually tell you shes not into it you are doing it wrong and not reading the signals.
Well at least now I know why women are hesitant to go out with people they have just met, apparently half the men out there are sexual predators. Reach around and go for the side boob? What are you 15??
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As a man, i can tell you that well over one-half of 'men' today are sexual predatory ; our culture has groomed them to be sexually aggressive from an early age with the same occuring with female teenagers . An examination of the pop-music Divas videos and live performances confirms that . Im afraid we now live in a time when all sense of respect, dignity toward another, and gentlemanly conduct is non-fashionable . Women should be very hesitant about going out on a date with a guy until she has gotton to know him pretty well in a group setting and preferably until she has investigated the kind of family he came from in addition to his values, morals, and personal principles (if any at all) . Date rape has skyrocketed and its difficult to prosecute the Perp in such a venue, so its advisable for the woman to carry pepper gas and know how to use it very effectively. Im afraid many many women are simply too gulliable and non-chalant when it comes to their safety being alone with a man.
Reading through the thread the majority of the advice from both men and women would see to be this: You can't plan it, you have to take it minute by minute and you have to pay absolute attention to how she is reacting and looks like she's feeling about the whole thing. Stop if she looks uneasy but don't run away, just give it a few secs and relax and if it looks like she'd be happy for you to try again later then ok, but if not don't. Be gentle and don't try to maneuver her like your backing a truck.
To be honest, none of this is a surprise.. people like to be treated like they matter, as they should.
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Yes it's probably extra hard if you haven't even been in a situation where you could allow any sort of attraction to develop. I think that's more it, than anything. It's not like I've tried it on many girls, or even chatted up many girls, and been constantly rejected. It's that I either haven't been given the opportunity (haven't been to enough parties, social events, I find there's a 'glass wall' when relating to people when going out) or I haven't taken that opportunity. For instance, not long ago I met up with a friend, and we spent a lot of time together, and she held my hand a lot, touched me, and smiled a lot, I didn't know what to think. Anything more and maybe I would've tried something. Anyway later on she tells me she has a boyfriend so thank god I didn't make a fool of myself. So yeah it seems easy to totally make the wrong move.
Yes it's probably extra hard if you haven't even been in a situation where you could allow any sort of attraction to develop. I think that's more it, than anything. It's not like I've tried it on many girls, or even chatted up many girls, and been constantly rejected. It's that I either haven't been given the opportunity (haven't been to enough parties, social events, I find there's a 'glass wall' when relating to people when going out) or I haven't taken that opportunity. For instance, not long ago I met up with a friend, and we spent a lot of time together, and she held my hand a lot, touched me, and smiled a lot, I didn't know what to think. Anything more and maybe I would've tried something. Anyway later on she tells me she has a boyfriend so thank god I didn't make a fool of myself. So yeah it seems easy to totally make the wrong move.
This might not be the most optimistic advice, but I have found when trying to read womens signals...
If you are type of guy who is used to women hitting on you and getting attention from women you are usually going to be right, and if you are used to getting no attention from women and getting rejected, you're probably misreading friendliness as signals of flirtation.
If you are the latter, you just have to go for it when and where you want.
Reading through the thread the majority of the advice from both men and women would see to be this: You can't plan it, you have to take it minute by minute and you have to pay absolute attention to how she is reacting and looks like she's feeling about the whole thing. Stop if she looks uneasy but don't run away, just give it a few secs and relax and if it looks like she'd be happy for you to try again later then ok, but if not don't. Be gentle and don't try to maneuver her like your backing a truck.
To be honest, none of this is a surprise.. people like to be treated like they matter, as they should.
Would this include not being used for a temporary illicit copulation then discarded for the next quest ? Or...is a man entitled to excersise his sexual nature whenever in the solitary presence of a woman ? And is it perfectly alright to coax, encourage , a woman into submitting to the quest as hand ? Is it good to talk about such questions or would discussing it kind of inhibit the progress (?)
Would this include not being used for a temporary illicit copulation then discarded for the next quest ? Or...is a man entitled to excersise his sexual nature whenever in the solitary presence of a woman ? And is it perfectly alright to coax, encourage , a woman into submitting to the quest as hand ? Is it good to talk about such questions or would discussing it kind of inhibit the progress (?)
Re-read the "people like to be treated like they matter" part then try and work it out for yourself.
Re-read the "people like to be treated like they matter" part then try and work it out for yourself.
Oh, i dont need to work it out for myself because im already counter-culture and thus dont go along with the flow . I raised my questions in a rhetorical manner for the benefit of those who think they must be liberal with their sex organs at all cost.
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What I've done in the past, when music is playing loudly, is put my hand on her waist or back to pull her in closely to talk. It's hard to do the kind of fondling, at a party with a stranger, that you would do on a date.
