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I just heard on the radio today that people who have a constant negative outlook on life die much sooner than the eternal optimists, sometimes as much as 43% sooner.
Just some food for thought.
Oh no! Half the people here are going to die sooner than any of us expect! Unless optimism is contagious. Which it doesn't seem to be, so far.
which you only truly learn through experience. faking it doesn't make you a stronger person it makes you weaker one, you learn nothing but how to manipulate which is not the same as "being" confident.
this is where i see many young people getting the message of what it is to have confidence in yourself. insecurities are fine as long as you take them as a tool to learn from and grow yourself outwardly as an individual
Whether it does or not, it's essential.
Obvious lack of confidence will keep men and many women out of relationships (some pretty women might get away with it) and will harm employment prospects and quality of life. So it is neccesary to conciously display strength and override fear until those actions are done unconciously and are second nature...aka fake it till you make it.
Clearly this forum is a haven for seriously troubled individuals. I don't know how such people even get up and get dressed in the morning. Doll, your perspective is so negative and so unpleasant that I cannot imagine you having many friends in your life. You must have had a horrible childhood. Sorry, girl.
Well I'm sorry some of the people's on here have it all together, they like their marriages/relationships, children and friends and life -- so they think the rest of us are supposed to use that to feel like they feel. sorry, but it doesn't work that way....
I don't beleive it's all child hood problems; it's adult life b/c people don't make any sense to me. these people go on about 'self esteems' self confidence, etc' and how if you don't have it you can't work, everything will fall apart, etc. and it all just sound like bogus nonsense to me. *shrugs*
and I don't have any friends anymore because I dropped them all and don't return their calls. I don't get the point of maintaining contacts with people for social reason when they have totally different lives then mine anyways. i do activities on my own, what is wrong with that.
Last edited by Doll Eyes; 07-09-2012 at 02:38 AM..
confidence as it relates to dating or dealing with the opposite sex, is simply appearance of ability to deal with the uncertain. Internal assurance is not only unnecessary, it sometimes gets in a way. Women dont really care if you are confident or not, as long as you appear confident. Weird, i know.
Confidence is good, and it helps, yes...to a certain degree...and yet, one can genuinely *have* confidence in themselves, and still be unsuccessful So although a good, worthy, and admirable thing, it is not necessarily a panacea, or an automatic cure-all...
However, a quality I think can also potentially be very profound, on a similar level of importance (I'm not saying here that confidence is not valuable, mind you) is compassion. Compassion for others, and compassion for oneself. Being willing to forgive others and ourselves, when we ocassionally fall. Caring about and loving one's fellow human beings. Being willing to show mercy and kindness, to those less fortunate. I would tend to think that it also might logically follow that people who are compassionate by nature, are also very likely to be confident people
I think growing up many of us seem to think being confident is about feeling better than others - superiour in some way.
As I have gotten into my 30s I have realised confidence is just about being happy and proud of who you are. Learning to judge yourself against your own standards - not the standards of - or set by - others.
Lots of great points about confidence. Same One hit it right on the head when he mentioned "been there, done that" confidence. to me that's the best there is-because you earned it on your own and it can never be taken from you, ever. That means a lot to me. Well put sir!!
Well I'm sorry some of the people's on here have it all together, they like their marriages/relationships, children and friends and life -- so they think the rest of us are supposed to use that to feel like they feel. sorry, but it doesn't work that way....
People that "have it all together" don't assume that everyone else should "feel like they feel". I don't know why you say that. However, it's pretty much a "normality" that most people are trying to aim for happiness in life...in some way. So for you to stomp your feet and cling to your misery, really does make one wonder about how you got to such a place and why you insist on staying there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
I don't beleive it's all child hood problems; it's adult life b/c people don't make any sense to me. these people go on about 'self esteems' self confidence, etc' and how if you don't have it you can't work, everything will fall apart, etc. and it all just sound like bogus nonsense to me. *shrugs*
Again, you don't even begin to try to absorb anything. You just give everything the hand, it's easier for you, I guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Doll Eyes
and I don't have any friends anymore because I dropped them all and don't return their calls. I don't get the point of maintaining contacts with people for social reason when they have totally different lives then mine anyways. i do activities on my own, what is wrong with that.
I can't imagine anyone that would want to stay friends with someone with such an attitude...so you may think you dropped them...but they were probably already gone. Doing activities on your own is fine. I love doing stuff on my own. No problem at all. But I don't go around claiming that everyone else's happiness is based on bogus crap, either. Clearly, you have emotional issues. If you had any friends at all, they would have already told you that.
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