Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:00 AM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,592,324 times
Reputation: 5793

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
OK, thats news to me. Thanks for the clarification and of course, the sarcasm.
youre welcome. It really is though, you want a woman to mirror your body language but not really the other way around. You can mention in to them when they do it too, theuy'll usually get a kick out of you having some insight into things they do sub-consciously. BTW, you're dating plenty. so youre defienitely doing the right thing. best of luck
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,779,936 times
Reputation: 6561
Thanks. Yes, I'm getting out there, I'm just not meeting women that either I want a 2nd date with, or ones who want a 2nd date with me. So I'm doing something right in getting the 1st date, and then screwing it up somehow from there. But now that I think about it, I don't "mirror" them. All I do is try to face them to show interest via good (but not creepy) eye contact. I don't follow hand gestures or do anything "gay", lol. Plus, nobody would ever accuse me of using feminine gestures. I'm just always curious as to how I can improve, whether its body language, or more likely, conversation skills. By the way, I'm focusing on conversation skills and trying to read, not mimic body language. So I misspoke earlier.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:12 AM
 
Location: North NJ by way of Brooklyn, NY
2,628 posts, read 4,601,131 times
Reputation: 3559
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
Thanks. Yes, I'm getting out there, I'm just not meeting women that either I want a 2nd date with, or ones who want a 2nd date with me. So I'm doing something right in getting the 1st date, and then screwing it up somehow from there. But now that I think about it, I don't "mirror" them. All I do is try to face them to show interest via good (but not creepy) eye contact. I don't follow hand gestures or do anything "gay", lol. Plus, nobody would ever accuse me of using feminine gestures. I'm just always curious as to how I can improve, whether its body language, or more likely, conversation skills. By the way, I'm focusing on conversation skills and trying to read, not mimic body language. So I misspoke earlier.
This is why I try to be direct, to the point and brutally honest. I don't expect a guy to guess if I'm interested, or how I'm feeling. I'll be blunt and say exactly what's on my mind so that there's no guessing games going on. If it screws up my chances with someone, so be it, but I've been told on more than one occasion by more than one person that it's a refreshing change.

If only more people were like this, dating would be a hell of a lot easier for a lot of people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:16 AM
 
Location: Canada
11,771 posts, read 11,986,606 times
Reputation: 30284
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
Thanks. Yes, I'm getting out there, I'm just not meeting women that either I want a 2nd date with, or ones who want a 2nd date with me. So I'm doing something right in getting the 1st date, and then screwing it up somehow from there. But now that I think about it, I don't "mirror" them. All I do is try to face them to show interest via good (but not creepy) eye contact. I don't follow hand gestures or do anything "gay", lol. Plus, nobody would ever accuse me of using feminine gestures. I'm just always curious as to how I can improve, whether its body language, or more likely, conversation skills. By the way, I'm focusing on conversation skills and trying to read, not mimic body language. So I misspoke earlier.
Does it have to be that you "screwed it up"? The first few dates are to see if a connection's there. It doesn't mean you've done anything wrong if you don't get a second date. For all the women you don't want a second date with, is it because they did something that turned you off, or there just wasn't a vibe/connection?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:19 AM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,592,324 times
Reputation: 5793
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlguy39 View Post
Thanks. Yes, I'm getting out there, I'm just not meeting women that either I want a 2nd date with, or ones who want a 2nd date with me. So I'm doing something right in getting the 1st date, and then screwing it up somehow from there. But now that I think about it, I don't "mirror" them. All I do is try to face them to show interest via good (but not creepy) eye contact. I don't follow hand gestures or do anything "gay", lol. Plus, nobody would ever accuse me of using feminine gestures. I'm just always curious as to how I can improve, whether its body language, or more likely, conversation skills. By the way, I'm focusing on conversation skills and trying to read, not mimic body language. So I misspoke earlier.
Not trying to insinuate that youre gay or anything but, displaying feminine traits like being indirect, mirroring body language, being indecisive, crossing your legs, or showing vulnerability in general, can send the wrong signals. To be perfectly honest, it doesnt even matter if a guy is feminine or isnt, displaying masculine qualities is all that matters.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
5,353 posts, read 5,779,936 times
Reputation: 6561
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012 View Post
Not trying to insinuate that youre gay or anything but, displaying feminine traits like being indirect, mirroring body language, being indecisive, crossing your legs, or showing vulnerability in general, can send the wrong signals. To be perfectly honest, it doesnt even matter if a guy is feminine or isnt, displaying masculine qualities is all that matters.
Yeah dude, I do not do those things. But I understand what you mean.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:41 AM
 
2,758 posts, read 4,949,850 times
Reputation: 3014
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I went on a date this weekend and felt horrible immediately after it was over. Isn't that the opposite of what's supposed to happen? lol My problem is that dating leaves me feeling very empty. I guess you could say that I'm a bit of a dating pessimist so in the back of my mind, I'm always thinking that it isn't going to work out and I'm just wasting my time. Maybe it's even a self-fulfilling prophecy because I end up acting detached and I don't make real connections. My date this weekend told me that he didn't really think that I was interested in him when that's not even true, but I didn't want to reassure him because I don't really know how he's feels about me either (my assumption is that he's not that interested). It's just very hard for me to feel enthusiastic about dating when I know that 99% of the time, my dates turn into nothing. So I just feel like, what's the point of it all and why should I keep doing it? I hate just having meaningless dates over and over again that lead nowhere. I know that I'm just supposed to relax and enjoy the date and not worry about whether I can possibly have a future with the person, but I can't seem to do that.

I hate dating.
IMO, you should NOT be dating.
If this is how you feel, then why bother?
Are you waiting for that ONE guy to come along and sweep you off your feet? Who will that be? What will he look like? What will it take for you to be saept off your feet?


To me it sounds like you are not ready for dating. Something is preventing you from allowing yourself to be in a relationship and/or commit.
You need to find whatever is holding you back from being happy and /or in a relationship.

Don't go through the motions just to do them. There is someone else on the other side of the date that is taking things seriously (sometimes, not always).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:44 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,154,138 times
Reputation: 2119
I used to feel this way, and I'd get all nervous and anxious about "If this will work out" or "will she return my call". Unfortunately it took me getting my heart broken pretty badly for me to get over this, but try not to think of it that way.

Try to think of it as just meeting someone new and enjoying the time for what it is.

I know it's hard, but I actually just don't think further ahead than the date we are having. I try to get to know them, make funny conversation, see if she laughs and has a good time. If I have a good time and I'm attracted then I'll decide to give her a call again and ask her out.

I just went out with a girl thursday and it was a pretty poor date. She was 30 min late but called ahead of time, she had to work and commute over an hour to meet because traffic is terrible in this city. She was a little too exhausted to really have a fun date with, but that's fine. I have a gut feeling that we probably won't go out again, I called her last night and she almost never returns my contact the same day (which I find slightly annoying, but I've learned to get over it.)

Another girl I was talking to has disappeared on me. She had messaged me FIRST on the dating website (which never happens) and we seemed to be having some good conversations over the phone. She had been traveling quite a bit so we've only been talking for a couple weeks and we agreed to go out when she got back. Well she's been back for 4 days and hasn't returned my call or text. I also looked online and she took her profile down. Odd? Sure. Frustrating? Not really. I guess I'm just numb to it all now since I've done it so much.

You need confidence in yourself that what you have to offer is something special and that one day someone will appreciate you for it and recognize that. You also need to learn to make yourself happy on your own without relying on someone else to make you happy. My example: I fell in love with the guitar. I decided to learn to eat up time and because I had always wanted to. I also hated my job, so I made an effort to find a better one and I did. Now I love my job. Just find other ways to be happy and see what happens. It'll take the load and pressure off of trying to find someone. If you're happy on your own, finding someone won't mean as much to you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-09-2012, 09:49 AM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,567,314 times
Reputation: 17654
Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
You need confidence in yourself that what you have to offer is something special and that one day someone will appreciate you for it and recognize that. You also need to learn to make yourself happy on your own without relying on someone else to make you happy. My example: I fell in love with the guitar. I decided to learn to eat up time and because I had always wanted to. I also hated my job, so I made an effort to find a better one and I did. Now I love my job. Just find other ways to be happy and see what happens. It'll take the load and pressure off of trying to find someone. If you're happy on your own, finding someone won't mean as much to you.
I agree.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-09-2012, 10:01 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,883 posts, read 30,181,434 times
Reputation: 19077
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar View Post
I went on a date this weekend and felt horrible immediately after it was over. Isn't that the opposite of what's supposed to happen? lol My problem is that dating leaves me feeling very empty. I guess you could say that I'm a bit of a dating pessimist so in the back of my mind, I'm always thinking that it isn't going to work out and I'm just wasting my time. Maybe it's even a self-fulfilling prophecy because I end up acting detached and I don't make real connections. My date this weekend told me that he didn't really think that I was interested in him when that's not even true, but I didn't want to reassure him because I don't really know how he's feels about me either (my assumption is that he's not that interested). It's just very hard for me to feel enthusiastic about dating when I know that 99% of the time, my dates turn into nothing. So I just feel like, what's the point of it all and why should I keep doing it? I hate just having meaningless dates over and over again that lead nowhere. I know that I'm just supposed to relax and enjoy the date and not worry about whether I can possibly have a future with the person, but I can't seem to do that.

I hate dating.
I used to feel the same way, and by God, I'm proud of you, it means your selective...and for very good reason. And it's not your job to reassure anyone....if he lacks confidence, that is HIS problem not yours...
But you are right in your last sentence...yes, you should relax, and have fun, and don't look at it as if you are looking for the future person, be carefree and love life, and find good in every date you have, unless of course, they are real smucks...and take a break for a while, there is no hurry, cuz you want to be available when Mr. Right comes a long. In the meantime, you don't need to date or have a man in your life to feel successful....what you need to do, is learn to go places on your own for a while, it's great once you step up to the plate and get used to it. Honestly, take a break from dating, and just go places and do things yourself....that will definately boost your confidence.
Hugs,
Creme
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:43 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top