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Today, I was informed by some of my friends at work that I am just too picky. It came up because this new guy started today. So, my two closest friends at work ask me if I saw the new guy. I was like yeah...So they're like well what do you think? I was like he seems okay, kinda young and a little on the short side. I am 33 and that guy clearly looks 25 at the most. I just have always preferred guys closer to my age or older. Then they start complaining that I am just too picky. Both of them are married. Friend # 1, I have known one for almost 6 years (she's one of my BF) & Friend # 2 for about 2 years.
This isn't the first time they wanted to hook me up someone. I really don't think I ask too much. I would like someone employed, with a motor vehicle, no criminal record, not living at home with their parents.
Of course I have preferences like no kids, but I will look over that. I love a hot guy, but he doesn't have to be. I just need to find something attractive. I like tall guys, but it's not necessary.
I don't think having standards is the same at being picky. If I was going after trash they would be complaining about that too. The last guy I was talking too Friend # 1 made me feel horrible about. I guess it bothered me a little bit, so I talked to Friend # 1 about it after work. She claimed she was mostly joking, but then said I needed to compromise on some things.
I don't want to be so ridiculous where I am alone forever, but dang!! I understand they want me happy. I want to be happy in a relationship too. I just think sometimes my married friends just don't understand because they have been married so long. They haven't dated in a long time. Both friends said if they went by the initial preferences they would have never married their husbands.
Whether "having standards" is the same as "being picky" depends on the standards you have, and the reasons you have them.
Are your standards a minimum, or an ideal? When you meet a guy and start going through your checklist, are you looking for the red flag that knocks him out, or are you just listing the ones he already has? If he doesn't meet all the criteria on your list, how long before you bail?
Where are your criteria coming from? Past experience? Comparison with your friends' husbands and boyfriends? Your parents?
Have you ever met a guy who meets your criteria, but you just can't get excited about? That could mean you don't really want what you think you want. Or it could mean that your list is missing some "must have" criterion.
I was thinking based on them knowing me for a while that they wouldn't have seen him as my type. I just met a guy about 2 weeks ago that I found out later is 25. We had just discussed my feelings on age difference.
Being they are they are both married, for them it seems to be all about eye candy. I thought the guy was attractive, but still young. He wasn't that short.
Friend #2 wanted to hook me up with this guy who had no car. And I said I had an issue with guys with no cars. It then becomes this whole issue and why I should give guys a chance that don't have cars. Then Friend #1 who met her husband while they were both in college says my husband didn't have a car when we started dating. *sigh* They are native NYers and that was over 10 years ago.
I can't really think of any other examples right now.
Then a guy I mentioned I was interested in at work before Friend # 2 said that he seemed lazy (at work), lol...
Is that being picky or just practical? Sure, plenty of women these days end up single, largely because marriage is not necessary for sex. I'm not saying things should change, in that respect. You combine your perceived pickiness with a large minority of men who are happier being players, and it doesn't leave many qualified men in the eligibility pool. Women are wired to be particular because there's more at stake in child rearing. Men are just looking for ample hips, large breasts, and general good health.
Well, in a larger sense, you're right. However, there is such a thing as having standards so lofty that no one would qualify. And I bolded the text above because of its manifest nonsense. Brainless nitwits with nice boobs are a dime a dozen. Meanwhile there's no substitute for a woman with brains.
If someone doesn't do it for you, they don't do it for you. That simple really. I'd rather be picky and single than settle. It's unfair to the person you "settle" for. They should have someone that's crazy about them and likewise.
Whether "having standards" is the same as "being picky" depends on the standards you have, and the reasons you have them.
Are your standards a minimum, or an ideal? When you meet a guy and start going through your checklist, are you looking for the red flag that knocks him out, or are you just listing the ones he already has? If he doesn't meet all the criteria on your list, how long before you bail?
Where are your criteria coming from? Past experience? Comparison with your friends' husbands and boyfriends? Your parents?
Have you ever met a guy who meets your criteria, but you just can't get excited about? That could mean you don't really want what you think you want. Or it could mean that your list is missing some "must have" criterion.
Just something to think about....
I guess some of it is based on past experience, but some of it I just don't go for. Unless you are recently unemployed I can get a reason not to have a job. I'm not taking care of anyone financially or driving them around.
I always think about the movie Baby Boy where the boyfriend drops the girlfriend off at work and goes to pick up another girl with her car. That reminds me about mama's boys....*sigh*
Well, in a larger sense, you're right. However, there is such a thing as having standards so lofty that no one would qualify. And I bolded the text above because of its manifest nonsense. Brainless nitwits with nice boobs are a dime a dozen. Meanwhile there's no substitute for a woman with brains.
Unfortunately, it seems to be more difficult for the women with brains. Not that all fail to find good partners. I'm your age and didn't find the right man till three years ago. Wasn't till I raised my standards that he came along and I recognized a good thing.
Unfortunately, it seems to be more difficult for the women with brains. Not that all fail to find good partners. I'm your age and didn't find the right man till three years ago. Wasn't till I raised my standards that he came along and I recognized a good thing.
well then 'dumb' yourself down then, that was what some genius told me to do. it's for the women that appear slightly intelligent, they don't want it i guess.
i've seen girls that are ridiculously picky that will not go out with a guy because of their political stance or what type of job they have... thats being picky.. having an education and being employed are not
One can only classify as picky if they are demanding/requesting characteristics they don't possess themselves. So, if you want your potential partner to have a decent job, a car, and his own place, and you have all of those things yourself, then no, you aren't being picky.
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it's for the women that appear slightly intelligent, they don't want it i guess.
