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Unfortunately tis true. If you aren't making six figures, having the criteria that a man make such will be seen as "too picky"(even if it isn't to you). True, in a lot of relationships there tends to be variance in salaries, but a person making 50k would be called a gold-digger or seen as too picky if said person said that she wanted a man that made six figures and nothing less. If she happens to meet a man that makes that much, that is a different story. But saying "Yes I make 50k and I want a man that makes six figures" will be seen as being too picky here on CD and probably in the real world as well unless you are VERY attractive or have access to a huge influx of men that make six figure salaries.
If you are an attractive woman that has great assets than it is not to picky to want a man that has similar assets and is somewhat attractive too. I don't think anything you've said makes you picky. Wanting an employed man with a car and no criminal record is not picky at all. It actually leaves a large pool of men that are available to date. I think your friends are unaware of what is picky and what it isn't. I'll put it this way, I know someone that will not date a man that makes less than 160k, who does not have at least two degrees(graduate and bachelors), who did not go to a good top school, who does not have a nice car and own a home, condo, or very nice apartment,who is not working in a corporate profession whether it be law or some form of business, no kids, and who is not attractive in the conventional way. Said person makes 160k a year, has two degrees, went to an Ivy, has a nice car, and owns a condo, is an attorney, and she is also reasonably attractive. She has all these assets and isn't willing to compromise for a man that has less. That IS much pickier than your list and weeds out much more of the male population than your list will. She feels entitled to these standards because she has access to these types of men and because she has these assets herself. She will called picky but she didn't ask for anything she didn't possess. And in your case it's the same thing, except it seems like you're more flexible(you'll even be willing to date a man that has a child).
People never cease to amaze me when they say someone is picky for having REASONABLE standards. LOL.
I think that's why I don't think I am that picky. When I compare myself to my other single friends I really don't think I am.
One of my single BFF I wanted to fix up with my cousin. Just knowing them both, I was really thinking a possible match. She couldn't even get past his FB page. I think he's decent looking, ex-military, no kids, just finished his masters, good job, his own place, vehicle, hardworking, good personality, funny, caring etc. She wouldn't give me a chance
I think that's why I don't think I am that picky. When I compare myself to my other single friends I really don't think I am.
One of my single BFF I wanted to fix up with my cousin. Just knowing them both, I was really thinking a possible match. She couldn't even get past his FB page. I think he's decent looking, ex-military, no kids, just finished his masters, good job, his own place, vehicle, hardworking, good personality, funny, caring etc. She wouldn't give me a chance
Yep I definitely don't think you are being picky. And I wonder if you're friends think so because they "settled" and weren't picky enough with the men they married? I know of woman like that--who discourage other women from seeking "more" in potential mates, because they themselves did not.
I'm curious as to why your BFF did not want to date your cousin? She didn't think he was attractive?
OP, has your co-worker shown any interest in you? It's possible you're too old (you're 33 and he's 25) or not pretty enough for him. It's not like you're actually going to take the initiative to ask him out or ask for his phone number so the question could be moot regarding whether you should go out with him. If he doesn't find you attractive enough to make a move then the issue is settled.
Regarding your general question about standards, I don't know you well enough to say. Your two friends know you better than I and you already admitted that they think you're too picky. The standards you mentioned in your original post seem to be qualities women typically say they want so they didn't seem too extraordinary.
No, he hasn't shown any interest. We had literally just met him. He's not even in my department, so his manager his kind of introduced him at a meeting to the whole group. I'm not outgoing like that at all when it comes to guys so I think they feel the need to do it for me.
I could completely not be his type. Who knows? Basically we were just chatting like women do. We talk about all the people in the office. When they brought him up, I just came my opinion and that's how all this started.
Yep I definitely don't think you are being picky. And I wonder if you're friends think so because they "settled" and weren't picky enough with the men they married? I know of woman like that--who discourage other women from seeking "more" in potential mates, because they themselves did not.
I think that partly is what it is. They call in compromising though not settling.
I'm curious as to why your BFF did not want to date your cousin? She didn't think he was attractive?
Initially she said she didn't find him attractive, but I have seen many of the guys she's dated and he looks better than many of them. I don't know what her deal is b/c the other day she passed his pic and was asking me who it was. I told her don't worry about it you weren't interested, lol....She said now that it wasn't he was unattractive but that she didn't want to date my family member.
Initially she said she didn't find him attractive, but I have seen many of the guys she's dated and he looks better than many of them. I don't know what her deal is b/c the other day she passed his pic and was asking me who it was. I told her don't worry about it you weren't interested, lol....She said now that it wasn't he was unattractive but that she didn't want to date my family member.
Yeah I'm not seeing what her deal is--other than there is part of her that just wants to remain single and a victim and she just won't admit to it. As for your friends, I suspect from what you typed in the bolded, that it's a case of their own personal biases about relationships. They both compromised to get married and one of them isn't even happy. So they are essentially telling you to do the same thing. In reality you don't have to compromise because your standards aren't high. They are reasonable standards and you'll have no problem meeting a man based on what you've said thus far. I worry more about the women that have more outrageous standards meeting men than I do women like you. And even for those women with outrageous standards, more often than not they can and sometimes do snag men that meet their standards.
Yeah I'm not seeing what her deal is--other than there is part of her that just wants to remain single and a victim and she just won't admit to it. As for your friends, I suspect from what you typed in the bolded, that it's a case of their own personal biases about relationships. They both compromised to get married and one of them isn't even happy. So they are essentially telling you to do the same thing. In reality you don't have to compromise because your standards aren't high. They are reasonable standards and you'll have no problem meeting a man based on what you've said thus far. I worry more about the women that have more outrageous standards meeting men than I do women like you. And even for those women with outrageous standards, more often than not they can and sometimes do snag men that meet their standards.
If two different friends told me I possessed a negative trait which may lead to my unhappiness, I would listen to them. They say you are too picky because you probably are. If you want to get married and/or start a family, now is the time to get your act tohether. I suggest you listen to your friends instead of anonymous strangers who really cant judge.
Yeah I'm not seeing what her deal is--other than there is part of her that just wants to remain single and a victim and she just won't admit to it. As for your friends, I suspect from what you typed in the bolded, that it's a case of their own personal biases about relationships. They both compromised to get married and one of them isn't even happy. So they are essentially telling you to do the same thing. In reality you don't have to compromise because your standards aren't high. They are reasonable standards and you'll have no problem meeting a man based on what you've said thus far. I worry more about the women that have more outrageous standards meeting men than I do women like you.And even for those women with outrageous standards, more often than not they can and sometimes do snag men that meet their standards.
girls that are really attractive can have any guy they please. She just has to pick
If two different friends told me I possessed a negative trait which may lead to my unhappiness, I would listen to them. They say you are too picky because you probably are. If you want to get married and/or start a family, now is the time to get your act tohether. I suggest you listen to your friends instead of anonymous strangers who really cant judge.
Then I guess I'll be that. I am single, dating and happy. Sure I would like to get married one day, but I am not going to settle period. I should settle like they did because they are married. I'm sure if you asked 2 people if they my friends settled you could find 2 people that say yes also.
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And even for those women with outrageous standards, more often than not they can and sometimes do snag men that meet their standards.
