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Well, it's not exactly a whim on her part - it's been 5 years. Her career has gone nowhere, and she's unhappy in that part of the country. He's in a very unstable field, and he's not doing anything to make himself more marketable - yet he's insisting that they stay where they are.
When he talks out of both sides of his mouth about how he'll find someone else but that she should let him be the man and take care of his family, that's a huge issue for concern.
These are bratty, petulant actions on his part - they do not give me much faith in his maturity or his commitment to anything but his own ego.
A guy doesn't have to be making 500k, but if they've moved for his career, then he should damn well be throwing himself into making a success of it. After 5 years she deserves a shot at them doing things her way.
Mod cut: Gender bashing. Why can't she be happy he has a decent paying job?
hmmm?
It's a rough economy and the guy is working. Where's the problem? What it comes down to is that she wants things her way, and he wants things his way. In my opinion they both suck, but if she leaves its JUST as much on her as it is the guy. It's not like she's some innocent victim with a jerk husband.
I'm sure our OP IS appreciative that her husband has a job, and one with benefits at that.
But she is not happy with hers and not happy in the region they are living in.
She wants something else for their future. She almost lost her mom recently and this has made her hypersensitive to the important things in life - family and quality of life. None of that is unreasonable.
Again, these two just need an unbiased professional to help them make some progress in getting what they both want, or can at least both live with.
All marriages require lots of negotiation. But it's a learned skill. If they take the time to learn they can very likely get through this
I'm sure our OP IS appreciative that her husband has a job, and one with benefits at that.
But she is not happy with hers and not happy in the region they are living in.
She wants something else for their future. She almost lost her mom recently and this has made her hypersensitive to the important things in life - family and quality of life. None of that is unreasonable.
Again, these two just need an unbiased professional to help them make some progress in getting what they both want, or can at least both live with.
All marriages require lots of negotiation. But it's a learned skill. If they take the time to learn they can very likely get through this
Totally,
I bet if the husband were to come back and tell his side of the story after everyone forgot about this there'd be people saying "omg dump her".
There's no victims, they just gotta work it out. So yeah, as usually I agree with you
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09
Mod cut: Orphaned. Why can't she be happy he has a decent paying job?
hmmm?
It's a rough economy and the guy is working. Where's the problem? What it comes down to is that she wants things her way, and he wants things his way. In my opinion they both suck, but if she leaves its JUST as much on her as it is the guy. It's not like she's some innocent victim with a jerk husband.
I agree. Having a job (not a possible offer like the wife in the OP but a JOB that PAYS) these days is nothing to sneeze at, especially with benefits. You have to go or STAY where a tangible paycheck is. This guy's field may not be stable but as long as he is bringing ANY money home, nothing to sneeze at.
BTW I understand the OP's husband not wanting to go to West Virginia. There is nearly NO money or work there outside of coal.
If I were the OP, I'd see if I could swing a location that actually has things going on economically, for both fields, like Virginia or Maryland.
You're the one talking bad about American first dates and going out with people we don't know well and now you're telling a lady who you don't know to pack her bags and end a marriage because her husband doesn't want to move on her whim? Who is the crazy one here?
You, if you think my comments on DATING, can also be used in regards to an ABUSIVE MARRIAGE. Entirely different subjects.
How is he so selfish and uncaring?
Let me break it down for you...
He wanted to move to Portland Oregon because he thought it would be nice to live here. I wanted to move to Virginia where my parents are, but he convinced me Portland was the place career wise for him to go.
his schedule is very sporatic which makes it hard for me to work because someone has to watch our 13 month old (apparently, care of the baby is not his responsibility, at all).
I have told him since we moved here I was unhappy and missed my parents and wanted to be closer to them. He has ignored me. (what, exactly, is so unselfish and caring about this?)
. Recently my mother became ill and nearly died. I still have been unable to see her because of work and our child. I miss them terribly so much that I cry about it. (yup, hubby's a winner)
He would be very upset and not talk to me, nor was he supportive. We would fight and argue, he would say he didnt want to move, that I could move without him and that he doesn't care, (as caring and unselfish husbands do....NOT)
. I mainly said this because I am afraid he will leave me if we move, (OP - why is this a bad thing?)
I feel this is a great opportunity for me, but he sees it differently. He is upset with me (of course he is! why should she succeed when he CAN'T?)
I just dont understand how he can ignore that I have been unhappy. UI just don't understand why he isn't supportive. I know he doesnt want to move, but I feel he is selfish and has been. (A FEW MORE SCORES ON THE SELFISH/UNCARING SCALE)
it seems to me that he really hasn't been serious about his career or job for the past 5 years. I am sick of arguing with him about it. (Then stop. Move without his lazy ass)
I feel no one is on my side. I have no idea what to do but it is making me sick! (OP is even suffering health wise, but he needs to stay with his failed "career".)
He is not those things, he has a decent job and insurance. Or is that what it's coming down to now? If the guy doesn't make 500,000 a year you should just dump him? So because she wants to move to be closer to her parents, he has to drop everything and do as she wishes and leave his job? In what part of this situation is he selfish and she not selfish , explain please?
EXPLANATION - SHE HAS DONE EVERYTHING HE WANTS, ALL THE WAY THROUGH...NOW HE WON'T SHIFT HIS BUTT TO HELP HIS WIFE STOP CRYING....NOR APPARENTLY, DOES HE CARE FOR THEIR BABY, AT ALL.
And here I thought going on dates with people you don't know well was bad
I'm not sure what the relevance of this comment is.
OP - IS YOUR HUSBAND SEEING SOMEONE ON THE SIDE? THERE SEEMS TO BE NO OTHER EXPLANATION FOR HIS KEENESS TO STAY SOMEWHERE WHERE HIS CAREER IS UNSATISFYING AND HIS WIFE IS MISERABLE.
Last edited by MsAnnThrope; 07-11-2012 at 07:29 PM..
You've done it his way for far too long, and it HASN'T WORKED.
Now do it your way.
He sounds like such a creep that IMO there is no hope for this marriage. He's selfish, mean, uncaring and spiteful...also not very good at being a bread winner.
LOSER.
leave. Yesterday. You need support with a baby, not another tantrum throwing toddler-man.
[quote=JrzDefector;25127316]Well, it's not exactly a whim on her part - anythiit's been 5 years. Her career has gone nowhere, and she's unhappy in that part of the country. He's in a very unstable field, and he's not doingng to make himself more marketable - yet he's insisting that they stay where they are.
When he talks out of both sides of his mouth about how he'll find someone else but that she should let him be the man and take care of his family, that's a huge issue for concern.
These are bratty, petulant actions on his part - they do not give me much faith in his maturity or his commitment to anything but his own ego.
A guy doesn't have to be making 500k, but if they've moved for his career, then he should damn well be throwing himself into making a success of it. After 5 years she deserves a shot at them doing things herway.[/quote]
I'm not sure what the relevance of this comment is.
OP - IS YOUR HUSBAND SEEING SOMEONE ON THE SIDE? THERE SEEMS TO BE NO OTHER EXPLANATION FOR HIS KEENESS TO STAY SOMEWHERE WHERE HIS CAREER IS UNSATISFYING AND HIS WIFE IS MISERABLE.
WHOA - you know I love ya Missy , but this seems like a huge leap, and you have kind of gone overboard in assessing the husband, who isn't here to speak for himself. Believe me, he has his own side of this story.
It's obvious you are projecting some personal bias into this young woman's situation, so it might not be best for you to keep giving our OP advice. Just sayin'...
I mean, if you REALLY have to ask what would be so bad about him leaving her or vice versa, you really are missing the big picture.
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, but this seems like a huge leap, and you have kind of gone overboard in assessing the husband, who isn't here to speak for himself. Believe me, he has his own side of this story. 
