6 months shy of 30 in LA (marriages, girls, love, older)

[iknowftbll]

But you also said that you have dated a lot of girls but that you hesitate. What is it that makes you hesitate? Surely it isn't the decreasing number of singles.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Alicant310

2010 US census showed the avg age for a woman to get married was 26 and 27 more males. lol yep. the whole baby shower thing trips me out. everyone is with their kid and partner and here i am like wtf is wrong with you dude.lol

ive dated and a lot of girls..i just always felt unsure about going fwd with things..eventually relationship dies if the girl doesnt see you moving fwd with things.

but now i realize that hesitance was probably a huge mistake.

I don't think so. If they weren't good enough matches that you were compelled to move things fwd, it means you did the right thing. Funny, I've never gotten a single baby shower invitation. I didn't know they were a guy thing.

Who cares about statistics? Conventional wisdom says it's better to get married in your 30's, because you know yourself better and have a clearer idea of what you want in a partner. So chill. You're right on schedule. Keep circulating. Look for deeper qualities in people, not the flashy looks. You're driving yourself crazy, imagining there's this pressure to get married by a certain date. Do you want to end up divorced by 35 or 40, like some of those proud parents-to-be will be? Don't rush. But do circulate. Take it as it comes.

[iknowftbll]

Originally Posted by Alicant310

i guess i wanted everything to be perfect. financially, mentally emotionally. but now i realize thats a never ending process

It never will be perfect, so don't wait for it. My advice is to be open and communicate. Ask her what her long term goals are. Share with her what yours are. (Timing this conversation is important. It may not necessarily be a good idea to discuss this on a first date.) Be decisive about follow-on dates. Work on things. Be willing to compromise. If you have doubts or questions, make sure you discuss them with her. Openness and communication cannot be underestimated.

I hope this helps.

[Alicant310]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

I don't think so. If they weren't good enough matches that you were compelled to move things fwd, it means you did the right thing. Funny, I've never gotten a single baby shower invitation. I didn't know they were a guy thing.

Who cares about statistics? Conventional wisdom says it's better to get married in your 30's, because you know yourself better and have a clearer idea of what you want in a partner. So chill. You're right on schedule. Keep circulating. Look for deeper qualities in people, not the flashy looks. You're driving yourself crazy, imagining there's this pressure to get married by a certain date. Do you want to end up divorced by 35 or 40, like some of those proud parents-to-be will be? Don't rush. But do circulate. Take it as it comes.

Not so much in a hurry to do it.. but really wish i met a girl my age who would make that transition with me. Then id be more fond of doing things later down the line. But all these broads go "2 years or youre out"

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Alicant310

But all these broads go "2 years or youre out"

[Alicant310]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

meaning i either give them what they want in span of two years and if i dont they walk out. from experience i feel 4 yrs is about right to start thinking of that..lmaoooo i know we dont have that amount of time.. but im being honest. i just dont like those fwd expectations

[srjth]

Maybe you just never met the right woman. You were never inspired by any woman enough.

[iknowftbll]

Originally Posted by Alicant310

But all these broads go "2 years or youre out"

Well, everyone moves at a different pace, but 2 years is a long time to get to know someone. From the day I my wife and I got together to the day we were married was 4 1/2 months. To be fair, I did meet her a while before, but we did not have much contact with each other. Eh, long story, and I won't bore the crowd with it. You get the idea. I don't think it's unreasonable for a girl to expect to know where things are heading after two years.

[Alicant310]

Originally Posted by iknowftbll

Well, everyone moves at a different pace, but 2 years is a long time to get to know someone. From the day I my wife and I got together to the day we were married was 4 1/2 months. To be fair, I did meet her a while before, but we did not have much contact with each other. Eh, long story, and I won't bore the crowd with it. You get the idea. I don't think it's unreasonable for a girl to expect to know where things are heading after two years.

i get it ..i guess my mind was thinking more around the ball park of 4 years . no pun intended. just to be REALLY sure you know??

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Alicant310

meaning i either give them what they want in span of two years and if i dont they walk out. from experience i feel 4 yrs is about right to start thinking of that..lmaoooo i know we dont have that amount of time.. but im being honest. i just dont like those fwd expectations

It's bizarre. Nobody should be making you play "Beat The Clock". Those aren't the women for you. 4 years is probably pretty realistic. Life is to be enjoyed, it's not a contest. I've heard about dating in LA, women are pretty demanding and perfectionistic. One guy told me he was considering bailing and moving to N. CA, but then he did manage to find a woman. LA's huge, there should be enough variety there. You need to figure out how to tap into a different demographic, or something. Avoid these women who carry timers around with them.