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You "accidently" used his computer?
Okay. If you say so.
My guess is she accidentally found the porn. She was checking his computer to find out what he did all day. I any case, the porn is the least of her worries.
Disagree, BCD. Men often choose porn instead of real sex because it is fast, predictable and requires no intimacy. Intimacy can be uncomfortable and scary to a man whose self esteem is slipping or already low.
It is self-fulfilling in that the more often he makes that choice, the harder it is to maintain an erection with a real woman.
Read up on how excessive porn viewing changes brain chemistry and rewires the human sexual response. Scary stuff.
You are probably right but, the o.p. has not said how things got to this point. She might very well have a high sex drive... but.... I was with a woman for a time with a high sex drive. I moved 800 miles to be with her. She put on 50 pounds in a year. She would come home from work and plotz on the couch, legs apart by way of hello. It was fun... at first... Guys like variety!!
She didn't say the husband was unemployed. Is he? There is a big difference between "his business could be doing better" and "I'm supporting him because his business is making no money whatsoever". The number of people who have told the o.p.to get a lawyer is shocking and borders on irresponsible. Counseling is one thing, divorce is quite another.
Agree. At this point the guy is probably addicted. He didn't get this way overnight and IMO the o.p. is complicit in allowing things to get to this point. So, she should be willing to take some responsibility to get them back on track. It doesn't sound like she wants to. She is out of love with her mate and wants to move on. Fine. We should not empower her. My feelings are for the guy cuz I've been there.
American women are some of the least sexually sophisticated on the planet and the astronomical divorce rate (75% of which are initiated by women) is proof. Only two things kill a marriage: money and sex. That's it. I could go on but my SO is at the gym and I'm wasting time talking to you guys... ...
You are probably right but, the o.p. has not said how things got to this point. She might very well have a high sex drive... but.... I was with a woman for a time with a high sex drive. I moved 800 miles to be with her. She put on 50 pounds in a year. She would come home from work and plotz on the couch, legs apart by way of hello. It was fun... at first... Guys like variety!!
She didn't say the husband was unemployed. Is he? There is a big difference between "his business could be doing better" and "I'm supporting him because his business is making no money whatsoever". The number of people who have told the o.p.to get a lawyer is shocking and borders on irresponsible. Counseling is one thing, divorce is quite another.
Agree. At this point the guy is probably addicted. He didn't get this way overnight and IMO the o.p. is complicit in allowing things to get to this point. So, she should be willing to take some responsibility to get them back on track. It doesn't sound like she wants to. She is out of love with her mate and wants to move on. Fine. We should not empower her. My feelings are for the guy cuz I've been there.
American women are some of the least sexually sophisticated on the planet and the astronomical divorce rate (75% of which are initiated by women) is proof. Only two things kill a marriage: money and sex. That's it. I could go on but my SO is at the gym and I'm wasting time talking to you guys... ...
H
If you are referring the shape of my body is the reason he's not interested in me: According to everybody who's met me in person - I have a great body. I work out EVERY DAY and has nice butt, nice abs, toned legs and arms. And yes small breasts.
He has other reasons as to why he is not that interested in me:
1) i'm not cleaning the house (I work all day and I just thought he could at least do that while he's at home)
2) I'm not smiling enough (I don't know how to put on a fake smile when I'm worried about money and a husband who's not trying to work)
A reason why people SHOULD live together FIRST. ^^^ avoiding this!
Either way he probably feels nagged to death and knew the way to get you off his back is to mention your breast since you're perfect in every other way. Proof by reading the above and yes I'm serious.
If you're serious, take raison_d'etre advice and any other addicts. They are speaking from experience.
Sex addiction is a thing. Your husband is right about the chemical aspect of it however what he is in denial about (and you probably know full well) is that the porn is NOT actually enhancing his ability to preform in the bedroom. It has been slowly eroding it over time and his compulsivity has caused him to need it more and more to maintain "normal". He is letting you down in this area and in every other area that you mentioned due to the severity of this addiction. It often effects peoples ability to relate emotionally and professionally and could be the cause of his business decline. If he is unwilling to see a counselor (after admitting that he feels he "needs" porn to get ready for sex) there could be more going on that he doesn't want you to know about.
I am pleased that most of the people commenting here have not tried to justify your husband's behavior but please ignore those who do.
Please check out this site recoveryzone.com and follow the links for partners to get specific help.
Don't even know where to start. I watch porn usually when I am not getting any or during dry spells. Now being in a relationship and watching porn that much, the only reason for that would be if the woman I am with simply does not turn me on, which may be the case here, my best guess is that, you probably do not turn him on! If he does not like your breasts, he can go online and find some "big breasts" porn easily.
Why would anybody marry someone that does not turn them on sexually? I wish I knew the answer. Could it because you pressured him into marriage? If that is the case, you are partially at fault here.
This marriage is doomed for failure- whoever is saying that this marriage should be saved is only fooling themselves- If a marriage starts this bad, do you truly believe that somehow these problems will just go away by going to counseling?
He is not attracted to her, PERIOD. I can't think of any healthy marriage where people are not attracted to each other physically. I think, Divorce is the only answer in my opinion- better cut your losses now, then make it worse by bringing children into this freaking mess!
To my surprise (I always thought my husband watched porn ONCE IN A WHILE when I WAS NOT AROUND), my husband got on porn websites every chance he got. From Monday to today, both of us had been home all the time, and the only time he was left alone was when I spent an hour and half at the gym everyday. Well, he fully utilized my gym time to watch porn obviously. ...
But now, I'm just discovering maybe he does need sex every day, he just doesn't want to do it with me everyday.
Quote:
Originally Posted by its21Century
Prior to that, he's never even remotely mentioned his dissatisfaction about the size of my breasts. Now, it seems all of a sudden he needs me to go through surgery and change myself. I now think he's been having this thought since day 1, but he's chosen not to tell me the truth. Now I feel he's been lying about just everything...
Quote:
Originally Posted by its21Century
I told him we need some counseling. His reply was "let me tell you something. EVERY MAN watches porn ALL THE TIME, they just don't tell you. I'm not going to let a counselor tell me what to do, cuz that guy probably watches porn all the time too, he just hides it well."
Quote:
Originally Posted by its21Century
I'm totally okay with my partner watching porn, but probably not EVERYDAY
Quote:
Originally Posted by its21Century
But then there he is, spending every bit of moment alone watching porn. ...
I have told him I wanted us to go to counseling. He just won't go: either he has too much pride; or he seriously thinks just because he watches porn all the time, it's not an issue; or he actually knows he is in fact addicted and is afraid I'll file a divorce when the truth is discovered.
Quote:
Originally Posted by its21Century
I'm sure lots of guys watch porn all the time, but I just wouldn't be with one of those people if I knew from the beginning.
Quote:
Originally Posted by its21Century
He's told me he "once in a while" watches porn when he feels he has low sex drive. What I didn't know was the frequency of it.
I looked for how often your husband watches porn but don't see it. You say things like "all the time" and "every waking moment," but surely that's an exaggeration, so it's hard to tell if you are overreacting. How often--every day?
Also, I think you said you've been married for a few months. Your husband was fired right after you got married, so it's been a few months that he's been unemployed, right? Are we talking several month of sitting around, not working, or six weeks?
Don't even know where to start. I watch porn usually when I am not getting any or during dry spells. Now being in a relationship and watching porn that much, the only reason for that would be if the woman I am with simply does not turn me on, which may be the case here, my best guess is that, you probably do not turn him on! If he does not like your breasts, he can go online and find some "big breasts" porn easily.
Why would anybody marry someone that does not turn them on sexually? I wish I knew the answer. Could it because you pressured him into marriage? If that is the case, you are partially at fault here.
This marriage is doomed for failure- whoever is saying that this marriage should be saved is only fooling themselves- If a marriage starts this bad, do you truly believe that somehow these problems will just go away by going to counseling?
He is not attracted to her, PERIOD. I can't think of any healthy marriage where people are not attracted to each other physically. I think, Divorce is the only answer in my opinion- better cut your losses now, then make it worse by bringing children into this freaking mess!
Gosh! way to make some guys behavior HER fault???!!! He said he has had this "chemical" thing with porn and getting it up for sex BEFORE they ever got together. maybe the best place for you to start would have been passing by this thread entirely!
What do you think happens in a "healthy marriage" when people grow old together? Do you think they compare their wives/husbands to porn stars and still find their 70 yr old partner more physically attractive? The reason he is not experiencing physical attraction with his wife is because he is abusing his brain with porn and has been for who knows how long.
I looked for how often your husband watches porn but don't see it. You say things like "all the time" and "every waking moment," but surely that's an exaggeration, so it's hard to tell if you are overreacting. How often--every day?
Also, I think you said you've been married for a few months. Your husband was fired right after you got married, so it's been a few months that he's been unemployed, right? Are we talking several month of sitting around, not working, or six weeks?
He watches everyday. When I'm home, he will just play video games. When I'm gone for the gym for an hour, he will use that time period to watch porn. It's been 3 months since he started his own business - everyday he has a reason as to why he can't work. It took him a whole month to print out some invoices...
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