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Old 07-25-2012, 08:36 PM
 
Location: Here and There
439 posts, read 545,881 times
Reputation: 902

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After not seeing each other for three years, an ex-boyfriend asked me to have dinner with his mom and kids. I was a bit surprised considering he never suggested something like this while we were dating.

I always wanted more from our relationship than he wanted, and that was the main reason we split. I was hoping this latest gesture was a sign that he was interested in something more serious, but when I asked him what his kids thought about him asking a woman to dinner, he really didn't say anything. It just didn't seem like a big deal to him - just another dinner with the family.

I know some single parents wait a long time before introducing someone to the kids and they view it as an important step in the relationship. But if you haven't been in a relationship for three years, then why would you even make an effort to introduce everyone when a simple date between the two of us would have sufficed?

Yes, I know I should ask him these questions, but I would like to get some other opinions - especially from single parents who are in the dating scene. Would you just invite a "friend" to meet the family for dinner? Is it really not that big of a deal?
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Old 07-25-2012, 08:41 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 92,374,334 times
Reputation: 40032
Quote:
Originally Posted by gagirlatl View Post
After not seeing each other for three years, an ex-boyfriend asked me to have dinner with his mom and kids. I was a bit surprised considering he never suggested something like this while we were dating.

I always wanted more from our relationship than he wanted, and that was the main reason we split. I was hoping this latest gesture was a sign that he was interested in something more serious, but when I asked him what his kids thought about him asking a woman to dinner, he really didn't say anything. It just didn't seem like a big deal to him - just another dinner with the family.

I know some single parents wait a long time before introducing someone to the kids and they view it as an important step in the relationship. But if you haven't been in a relationship for three years, then why would you even make an effort to introduce everyone when a simple date between the two of us would have sufficed?

Yes, I know I should ask him these questions, but I would like to get some other opinions - especially from single parents who are in the dating scene. Would you just invite a "friend" to meet the family for dinner? Is it really not that big of a deal?


I take it as a positive sign that he has reconsidered and would like to start dating again

Sounds like you would too!
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Old 07-25-2012, 09:13 PM
 
14,331 posts, read 15,475,160 times
Reputation: 42624
He's exploring his options - wants to see how it goes with the fam before he makes an overture. Not sure what I think of it.

My one ex, after we broke up and then he remarried and divorced, went through a phase where he insisted on introducing women to his son on the first date. I believe he was gun shy after marrying a woman who tried to turn him against his own child. I thought this was a dumb idea, and pointed out that he had plenty of red flags from his wife well in advance, even if she pretended to care about his kid before the wedding.

Your guy may have had a change of heart and want to revisit what you had, and he also may have had a bad experience with another woman that makes him want to make sure you will interact well with his kids.

I'd say go for it if you're interested, but keep your expectations low.
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Old 07-25-2012, 09:19 PM
 
26,922 posts, read 34,492,274 times
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I have a rule about dating an ex. Well having anything to do with an ex, period.
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Old 07-25-2012, 09:21 PM
 
41 posts, read 88,595 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SD4020 View Post
I have a rule about dating an ex. Well having anything to do with an ex, period.
And that rule is?
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Old 07-25-2012, 11:31 PM
 
26,922 posts, read 34,492,274 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikel1291979 View Post
And that rule is?
It is beyond stupid to be involved with an ex. An ex is an ex for a reason.

If the kids are involved then there is a civility, otherwise steer clear.
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Old 07-26-2012, 04:04 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,915 posts, read 9,886,630 times
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If kids are involved, then there are a lot more options that do not include romance or sex than civility.
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Old 07-26-2012, 04:27 AM
 
26,922 posts, read 34,492,274 times
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If they are the kids belong to the ex, I am guessing the mother of the children has moved on. If so... It is a WTF moment IMO.
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Old 07-26-2012, 07:51 AM
 
Location: Here and There
439 posts, read 545,881 times
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Thanks for the feedback, everyone.

Yes, LovesMountains, I would like to get back with him. I just need to be patient and allow things to progress naturally - which is sometimes easier said than done for me.

And I will also follow JrzDefector's advice to keep the expectations low - you usually don't get hurt when you have low expectations.

For me, I never completely close a door on an ex - fortunately I have never been abused or mistreated in any way so I have always thought fondly of the guys. Sometimes the timing is off, people change or life circumstances change.

For this ex, he was still struggling with his divorce when we met. Things have changed for him - in a good way - and I really see a difference in him. Who knows what will happen, but I will gladly give him a second chance if he wants to go that route. Only time will tell what happens.
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Old 07-26-2012, 08:57 AM
 
11,867 posts, read 15,380,270 times
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I would be put off. If you haven't seen each other in that long, there should be a meeting between the two of you, not a family reunion. I think he's using his family as a buffer, and I wouldn't care for that.
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