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You are right to question as I've read secret account horror stories when it comes to marriages. However, I'm a close friend of his and for many years. I smell no smoke so I will assume there is no fire.
Again, not to question the integrity of your buddy, but don't you think it's a little funny that you know about this account and his own wife does not? To me, that's smoke.
Again, not to question the integrity of your buddy, but don't you think it's a little funny that you know about this account and his own wife does not? To me, that's smoke.
I know because I work on the same project(s) that created grounds for this bank account. No, it's not odd at all.
You are right to question as I've read secret account horror stories when it comes to marriages. However, I'm a close friend of his and for many years. I smell no smoke so I will assume there is no fire.
Even if there's nothing fishy going on and he's just stockpiling money on the side for whatever reason, I'd still be hurt to find that out in a marriage. To me, that says he doesn't trust his wife enough to have an open discussion about how he wants to spend money.
I have absolutely no problems with my husband putting money aside for hobbies or personal interests for himself, but I want to know that it's going on so that I have an accurate view of our whole financial situation.
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As far as the OP goes...my parents have a joint email account. When we first got internet in the house, they set up a family email account. My sister and I obviously got our own as we grew up, but they've just kept the one as a shared account. It works. I'd never do it (though DH and I have each other's passwords if necessary), but whatever floats your boat!
How is it dishonest? Are you against separate accounts in general? She never asked, he never lied. He has two separate sources of income. His main job has everything going into the known account. His side earnings a majority portion goes into it the account that she knows about. If I ever got married I wouldn't mind the wife having a secret account on her own. Just because I married doesn't mean I can't maintain a sense of privacy or individuality. If you wouldn't be cool with that then you definitely wouldn't be cool with the fact that he is trying to close the secret account and get a Swiss bank account (privacy laws are tighter in Switzerland).
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Originally Posted by iknowftbll
It lacks full disclosure. Using the "she never asked, he never lied" excuse is a cop-out. Sorry, I know this seems a bit unfair. I don't even know them. It just seems to be a lack of trust at play here. Not a good foundation for a marriage.
I agree with iknowftbll. It lacks full disclosure. That wouldn't fly in our marriage. If it works for them - that's fine. It wouldn't work for us. There are lots of things that other couples do that we wouldn't do. To each their own.
And back to the OP - I can understand why a family would have a family email account (like justthe6ofus) specifically for all things family related. That makes sense to me. Or if it is an older couple and they don't use the internet much. But it just wouldn't work for us.
Hmm... Okay... I wasn't asking about bank accounts, but for the record? I wouldn't care if my husband had a private bank account (mine does)... I mean, I know about it, just dunno how much he regularly keeps in it.
I also have a private account. He knows about it, doesn't know how much I keep in it. If we were sitting around worrying about the bills or how to pay for a vacation or save for retirement and he was stockpiling funds, I'd be pissed, but as he's not and these are US banks, if (let's hope not) our marriage ever went down the toilet, I reckon both of us could have each other's bank records subpoenaed into court, I dunno. I don't think about it, really.
The email, FB, forum thing is WEIRD to me.
I feel uncomfortable communicating with people who have the same account.
I guess if it's for school (as was mentioned here) and the person writing was sure to let the teacher/school know which of them was responding, that might be okay.
Ditto a forum if you're not on there for socializing and it's more of a specific need thing (like relocating).
I HATE Facebook accounts owned by one person. Did they both go to the same HS, have all the same friends forever?
I mean, sheesh. When I see "JenAndJohn Smith" as a name, I immediately want nothing to do with that hybrid person.
Boundaries, people. Boundaries.
p.s. Don't hand out your passwords. That's just silly. Honestly. If your spouse doesn't trust you, why be married?
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Hmm... Okay... I wasn't asking about bank accounts, but for the record? I wouldn't care if my husband had a private bank account (mine does)... I mean, I know about it, just dunno how much he regularly keeps in it.
I also have a private account. He knows about it, doesn't know how much I keep in it. If we were sitting around worrying about the bills or how to pay for a vacation or save for retirement and he was stockpiling funds, I'd be pissed, but as he's not and these are US banks, if (let's hope not) our marriage ever went down the toilet, I reckon both of us could have each other's bank records subpoenaed into court, I dunno. I don't think about it, really.
The email, FB, forum thing is WEIRD to me.
I feel uncomfortable communicating with people who have the same account.
I guess if it's for school (as was mentioned here) and the person writing was sure to let the teacher/school know which of them was responding, that might be okay.
Ditto a forum if you're not on there for socializing and it's more of a specific need thing (like relocating).
I HATE Facebook accounts owned by one person. Did they both go to the same HS, have all the same friends forever?
I mean, sheesh. When I see "JenAndJohn Smith" as a name, I immediately want nothing to do with that hybrid person.
Boundaries, people. Boundaries.
p.s. Don't hand out your passwords. That's just silly. Honestly. If your spouse doesn't trust you, why be married?
I wouldn't mind if my husband had a private bank account that I KNEW about. I would have a problem finding out that he had one unbeknownst to me. The secret is the problem with me.
My husband and I know all each other's passwords because sometimes we'll ask the other one to check our email for us. Plus, I set up his Facebook account so I obviously know the password for that! It's not like we go snooping - because we trust each other and we have nothing to hide.
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