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I just want to state that when guys find out I am childless they get excited. I don't think I have ever heard a single guy say "I preferred a single mom" because let's be honest most childless don't unless they get desperate or happened to fall for someone and overlook this. I am actually a cool girlfriend too because I don't nag, or become clingy or expect you to change your life for me. My attitude is I have a life and he does too and we should continue to live our lives. Now if I marry things may change but still it is healthy to have a another life. This isn't something you often see with parents because their life is their kids and they expect you to change your life for them.
I registered just so I can reply to this message because it really is something that is an issue with me, one that has even caused my banning from several dating boards. I am childless and and single, I am an older single to boot and this seems to bring out the claws when it comes to this issue.
Basically, I do not date single dads who have a living ex, whether married or not. I did in the past and it was a complete nightmare. I had to reschedule dates because of the kids and have cheap dates. I've had dates take me to McDonalds, Chuck E Cheese and other type restaurants because they couldn't afford nicer restaurants. When I would pay for the date often the kids came with or sometimes the dad would order things for the kid for that weekend. I was used by a couple of these guys financially and never received much in return. In addition the drama was terrible. One was fighting his ex for child custody and every week it seemed he was in court. Another was paying so much in both alimony, child support and mortgage that he could barely pay his bills. This guy had an exwife who kept asking for and getting more and more money so she could live high on the hog (she didn't work). Need I mention these guys never wanted to remarry or have more kids? I know people who married parents and got stuck paying the child support or alimony to the former spouse. One woman I know couldn't have her own child because her husband was paying so much in support to his ex.
When I was doing online dating I stated I was not open to dating dads and I would get the nasty messages from I must hate kids to I am evil to I am not a true Christian because a true Christian would be open to dating anyone. The worst ones were from the never married dads who never married the mom and had several babies. These guys were especially heinous. I'd also be told there are no childless men at my age but that is a lie since I have found older childless men.
It's really a risk for a childless person to date a parent. I don't get why a parent would not want to date another parents but a few explained it for me. There have been studies I have seen where divorced between childless and parents is well over 50%. Why take that risk? I would prefer staying single rather than date a dad.
I feel your frustration completely on deciding not to date divorced dads. From 18 to 27, I dated divorced men with kids and I had pretty neutral experiences. The divorced dad I nearly married at 25 was a great guy who truly made sure I was treated well by his children (both were well behaved, yet still young, at the ages of 10 and 12), in the end he and I broke up for unrelated issues outside of his kids. When it came down to it, I wasn't ready for that responsibility of being a step parent. Our break up was painful yet we remained friends. At 27, I wanted to enjoy dating and knew that I wouldn't be able do that as long as I dated divorced dads.
Based on past experiences, and after weighing the pros and cons of dating a divorced dad, the cons far outweigh pros. I'd rather be alone than be 2nd, 3rd,4th best to my husband or boyfriend's kids.
It's a very sensitive question, ok.
The divorced mother with her child creates already develops a love that is necessarily against a new love ...... the new husband.
So for this purpose there is a psychological preparation work to be done at the level of all men who want to engage in this adventure. So if the woman is really ready to close the page of her ex, she must be making enormous sacrifices for the change of her status. And it's not a question of a little while.
May God bless all single mothers who have taken the courage to change their status.
I feel your frustration completely on deciding not to date divorced dads. From 18 to 27, I dated divorced men with kids and I had pretty neutral experiences. The divorced dad I nearly married at 25 was a great guy who truly made sure I was treated well by his children (both were well behaved, yet still young, at the ages of 10 and 12), in the end he and I broke up for unrelated issues outside of his kids. When it came down to it, I wasn't ready for that responsibility of being a step parent. Our break up was painful yet we remained friends. At 27, I wanted to enjoy dating and knew that I wouldn't be able do that as long as I dated divorced dads.
Based on past experiences, and after weighing the pros and cons of dating a divorced dad, the cons far outweigh pros. I'd rather be alone than be 2nd, 3rd,4th best to my husband or boyfriend's kids.
I can understand you not wanting to date a single parent...IF you'rein your 20s, but when you get okder, say 40s, you may change your mind on that because only a very, very small percentage of single people over 40 are kid free.
Ok, so there's only a small percentage of singles over 40 who are kid free but at that point the kids are much older. People in their 40's generally have kids close to college age. Big difference.
Ok, so there's only a small percentage of singles over 40 who are kid free but at that point the kids are much older. People in their 40's generally have kids close to college age. Big difference.
Yeah, my pops is 55 and of course won't date a Woman with YOUNG children. He has enough on his hands helping out with my nephew.
So you're a single mother who refuses to date single fathers?
Not saying it's right for them to be nasty about it, but it sure is confusing (hypocritical) and might rub single fathers the wrong way.
I don't think it's that weird. I have a close dude friend who is like this. His view is that his son is almost grown now, and he's so excited to be free of the responsibility of raising kids. He'd probably date a woman with grown kids, but he has zero desire to involve himself in the raising of children any further.
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Originally Posted by Braunwyn
My brother was the same way. He had Chrohn's disease (very bad case) and would never consider dating anyone with a medical condition. I loved him, but he was an ass. Maybe it comes down to hypocrisy? We're all hypocrites to some degree, tho.
I disagree that this makes him an ass. People with health problems suffer enough. He doesn't want to deal with twice as much medical stuff. I understand that completely.
We are allowed to want things or have standards that we don't necessarily have ourselves. I mean, I'd like to date a hot firefighter, and I have no clue how to drive a fire truck. Kind of a dumb example but you get my point. We all bring something different to the table and it's okay to seek a partner who offers something different than you. So, it's okay for a parent to reject another parent if they don't want to end up in a household with twice as many kids. There's nothing wrong with that nor is it hypocritical.
There are ridiculous extremes, like a 500-pound woman refusing to date anyone who doesn't have a six pack. But if she manages to pull that off and attract some muscly guy, more power to her. If she doesn't, then she'll have to choose between loosening that standard or remaining alone. That's pretty much how it is with all standards.
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