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Old 07-26-2012, 06:34 PM
 
12 posts, read 57,949 times
Reputation: 48

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I've had a number of guys with children approach me and I am very upfront in saying thank you, but no. I am not interested in a relationship that involves children.(although I have two children myself) Why do they need to e-mail back and get nasty about it? I wasn't putting you down for having them, they just aren't meant for my lifestyle.
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:38 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
32,172 posts, read 74,467,748 times
Reputation: 39468
Quote:
Originally Posted by singlemomiscool View Post
I've had a number of guys with children approach me and I am very upfront in saying
thank you, but no. I am not interested in a relationship that involves children.
(although I have two children myself)
It probably has something to do with knowing that almost all successful second
marriages somehow involve "blending" even if custody isn't shared.

Quote:
Why do they need to e-mail back and get nasty about it?
I wasn't putting you down for having them, they just aren't meant for my lifestyle.
These are mostly likely perception issues.
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:42 PM
 
4,228 posts, read 6,843,641 times
Reputation: 5358
Quote:
Originally Posted by singlemomiscool View Post
I've had a number of guys with children approach me and I am very upfront in saying thank you, but no. I am not interested in a relationship that involves children.(although I have two children myself) Why do they need to e-mail back and get nasty about it? I wasn't putting you down for having them, they just aren't meant for my lifestyle.

So it's not children that aren't meant for your lifestyle? Just children that aren't yours?

So you're a single mother who refuses to date single fathers?

Not saying it's right for them to be nasty about it, but it sure is confusing (hypocritical) and might rub single fathers the wrong way.
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:51 PM
 
19,059 posts, read 23,798,651 times
Reputation: 13469
Quote:
Originally Posted by singlemomiscool View Post
I've had a number of guys with children approach me and I am very upfront in saying thank you, but no. I am not interested in a relationship that involves children.(although I have two children myself) Why do they need to e-mail back and get nasty about it? I wasn't putting you down for having them, they just aren't meant for my lifestyle.
You want people to put up with your shyte, but you don't want to put up with theirs. It colors you as an ass. My brother was the same way. He had Chrohn's disease (very bad case) and would never consider dating anyone with a medical condition. I loved him, but he was an ass. Maybe it comes down to hypocrisy? We're all hypocrites to some degree, tho.
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Old 07-26-2012, 06:57 PM
 
5,348 posts, read 6,706,556 times
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Women are more willing to date a man with kids then vice versa. Like I've seen women mess with guys who have 3,4,5 different Kids with several women
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Old 07-26-2012, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Alexandria
464 posts, read 451,226 times
Reputation: 492
Cause they think their children are special and everyone should like them.

I will not date a man with kids..I should come first in his life cause I'm a selfish diva like that.
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Old 07-26-2012, 07:19 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
92,215 posts, read 89,612,077 times
Reputation: 100432
Quote:
Originally Posted by singlemomiscool View Post
I've had a number of guys with children approach me and I am very upfront in saying thank you, but no. I am not interested in a relationship that involves children.(although I have two children myself) Why do they need to e-mail back and get nasty about it? I wasn't putting you down for having them, they just aren't meant for my lifestyle.
Maybe it has something to do with how you word it (not to mention male pride). Experiment with the wording. Not that you owe them an explanation, really. But given the reactions you're getting, you might consider saying something like, "Please don't take this personally, but I'm looking for men without children. I don't feel I can handle more than my own two."

Or...not. Maybe nothing you could say would work. Just be glad they don't know where you live, haha.
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Old 07-26-2012, 07:21 PM
 
1,262 posts, read 1,731,641 times
Reputation: 1139
Maybe it's not your message but your delivery. I think often times its the way something is communicated that people hear as opposed to what they say. If you say it in a very "quick and matter of fact" way it can come off as haughty and rude.

But if you voice this in a very direct, but tactful and courteous manner, maybe the response would be different.
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Old 07-26-2012, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,663 posts, read 8,218,488 times
Reputation: 3729
Because he feels you act like your better than him and that by you being a single parent also, he thinks, why would you turn him down when you are in a similar situation. Most second marriages or people with children will have to blend families.
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Old 07-26-2012, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Columbia, California
6,664 posts, read 28,856,126 times
Reputation: 5138
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeafChick View Post
Cause they think their children are special and everyone should like them.

I will not date a man with kids..I should come first in his life cause I'm a selfish diva like that.
When I dated I found when the woman had children I would never be #1 in their life as the children came first.
In a normal marriage a couple are #1 with each other, when children come along it is a shared responsibility together.
With single parents they will never have a normal relationship again.
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