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I have a question directed mostly to the women here. To my knowledge, most women are okay with terms of endearment/pet names from their significant others. But what about other guys? I have many close female friends, some I've been friends with for 10+ years, and I tend to use "non-suggestive" terms of endearment towards them. For example, calling them kid, beautiful, or sister. Like "Hey beautiful!" or "Thanks, sister." Or more jokingly calling them doll, darlin', sweetheart, or even toots if it's in a way where I'm clearly kidding around. When I call them these things I'm always genuine, even if I am kidding by calling them toots, or something really dumb like hot stuff (Hey there, hot stuff!). It just makes more sense to me to say "Thanks, doll" to a friend I've had for 19 years than just "Thanks."
I treat my male friends the same way by calling them pal, brother, guy, and more patronizing names like slugger or champ if I want to razz them a bit (all in good fun of course). My group of friends is extremely tight-knit, and calling them nicknames/pet names never feels inappropriate to me.
I would never use any of these names with a person I wasn't really close with, like at work or to hit on someone. And I don't use them condescendingly either. I've just alway been someone who calls everyone by a nickname/pet name/shortened versions of their real name, and I like it when I get called those things as well. Makes me feel accepted or close to that person, but I know not everyone feels the way I do. I just want to make sure I'm not coming off like a douche-bag, especially when I really do care about these people and that's how I tend to show it. So, what do you guys think? Any women like, hate, or indifferent to pet names coming from a male friend?
Hate it. Hate it so much. It makes me so uncomfortable and makes me feel like the person saying it doesn't view me as an equal.
I had a coworker who used to say things like that. He probably said it to everyone, but when he called me "kid" (he was 4-5 years older than me) it just made me feel like an idiot. If a close friend was calling me "beautiful" or "hot stuff", I'd be incredibly uncomfortable. I'm married, it's no one else's place to call me that besides my husband. Hopefully I'd be comfortable asking them to stop.
I had a very, very good friend who called me "kiddo" well I didn't really mind. He was like 50 and well I was in my 20's. I suppose - I was a kid to him. Haha.
The Hot Stuff, blah. Don't care for it... And Toots? Nope, I'd whack ya upside the head with that one!
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The Hot Stuff, blah. Don't care for it... And Toots? Nope, I'd whack ya upside the head with that one!
Well like I said, using those is just a joke and I always get a joke in return. I would never seriously call anyone toots, haha. You gotta remember, these are women I've known most of my life so they know when I'm messing around and when I'm not.
I would never use any of these names with a person I wasn't really close with, like at work or to hit on someone. And I don't use them condescendingly either. I've just alway been someone who calls everyone by a nickname/pet name/shortened versions of their real name, and I like it when I get called those things as well. Makes me feel accepted or close to that person, but I know not everyone feels the way I do. I just want to make sure I'm not coming off like a douche-bag, especially when I really do care about these people and that's how I tend to show it. So, what do you guys think? Any women like, hate, or indifferent to pet names coming from a male friend?
I'm the same way. I don't mind it, and I actually like it, as long as the person is close enough of a friend, or I've known them long enough and it's obvious we hit it off together. And, like Torn2pieces mentioned, if it's someone quite a bit older, it usually seems pretty innocent enough. Like I said, it depends on the person saying it.
Like other posters have said - it depends on who is saying it. If one of my really good friends calls me "sweetie" in a nice way - that's fine. If someone I don't like calls me "sweetie" in a condescending way - well, that really chaps my hide! I think what you are describing among your friends seems pretty organic and comfortable - not anything I'd worry about. Some of my friends and I have nicknames and pet names for each other - and with others I don't.
I call everyone by terms of endearment, men and women, if I am close to them. "Sweets," "punkin," "babydoll," whatever. But my friends all do that too. I've had so many nicknames it's ridiculous. My cousin calls everyone "Hon." I dunno, I think this might be a Jersey thing. I've noticed that this is mainly people who grew up in my area. My friends from other parts of the country do not seem to do this as much.
But when I'm with a guy, he inevitably becomes "Babe" after things turn sexual. Along with any other nicknames I might come up with.
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I think what you are describing among your friends seems pretty organic and comfortable - not anything I'd worry about. Some of my friends and I have nicknames and pet names for each other - and with others I don't.
