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I'm reading this board and occasionally I get shocked when people advice others not to look at someone's past at all and just say the past is the past. I can't believe reckless advice like that is given. Sure some people can change, but to completely ignore the past is ridiculous. Don't you think its relevant if your partner had 500 sexual partners in the past? What if your partner sold their body to hairy old men for cash during college? What if your partner dabbled in homosexual sex in the past? What if your partner has a long past of cheating on his GF's? So if your partner tells you they have changed and the past is the past, you are supposed to put 100% blind faith in them and believe them?
If someone were a serial cheater, do you think they'd tell the person they're dating? If they'd sold themselves for college living expenses or tuition, do you think they'd say so? Some of the situations you mention are extreme and unusual. Most people don't have histories like that. I'd rather not hear about the boring details of someone's relationship history, but if there are red flags in their past, obviously that would be important to know. But how would you go about finding out?
Cap, you seem to be on a "bad advice" roll. This is your second thread on the topic in the last couple of weeks. Are you upset about something?
Well, the past certainly is the past. All you can do is live with it. Our past experiences often shape our lives. For some, that means that they eventually change course and stop repeating the past. For others, the past keeps becoming the present.
TL;DR some people with bad pasts can turn around and reinvent themselves, others just keep at it till the end.
"The clock is running. Make the most of today. Time waits for no man. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present."
-ALICE MORSE EARLE
Of course their past is going to be a factor, however it IS the past. You need to be able to focus on what is right in front of you. Some people change, some don't. Some learn from their mistakes and some keep making the same mistakes over and over. The problem is, people only see what they want to see sometimes.
I'm reading this board and occasionally I get shocked when people advice others not to look at someone's past at all and just say the past is the past. I can't believe reckless advice like that is given. Sure some people can change, but to completely ignore the past is ridiculous. Don't you think its relevant if your partner had 500 sexual partners in the past? What if your partner sold their body to hairy old men for cash during college? What if your partner dabbled in homosexual sex in the past? What if your partner has a long past of cheating on his GF's? So if your partner tells you they have changed and the past is the past, you are supposed to put 100% blind faith in them and believe them?
Yeah what if?
What if YOU DON'T KNOW about their past transgressions?
.So do we pass the ghosts that haunt us later in our lives; they sit undramatically by the roadside like poor beggars, and we see them only from the corners of our eyes, if we see them at all. The idea that they have been waiting there for us rarely if ever crosses our minds. Yet they do wait, and when we have passed, they gather up their bundles of memory and fall in behind, treading in our footsteps and catching up, little by little.”
A person's past doesn't define who they are. A person's past describes how they've become who they are today, and where they see themselves tomorrow.
Transformation cannot occur without some relevant history.
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