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You still feel damaged from your childhood. You avoid intimacy- a close relationship- because you don't want others see that you're damaged. You have trust issues because the people you loved first- your parents- broke your heart.
You need to heal your broken heart before you trust anyone else with it.
Best wishes~
~l~
It's a long journey, but its worth it. You guys give a lot of great support. Thank you.
If you don't like yourself, you're going to have problems getting with women. (And Chris Rock with dreads doesn't exactly sound unappealing.)
I was with a guy like you. Except he was in his 40s. You don't want to go that long with this mindset. The guy I used to date missed out on so much because he couldn't accept the fact that he deserved to be loved. He was a sweet, funny, intelligent man, but he'd spent his life with women who never valued him. But, then again, I'm not sure if they didn't value him from the beginning or if they simply adopted his mindset about himself. He had a drinking problem, and before that a drug problem.
See a shrink. If you can't afford it, contact someplace like Carrier Clinic to ask about counseling groups that only charge on a sliding scale. Hashing through this on your own is going to be tricky, but you need to do it. Otherwise, you will be vulnerable to a lot of things - not the least of which would be women who are more looking for a man they can control or manipulate. Or you'll get women who are actually pretty nice people and exhaust them with your self-doubts.
I don't think you're a weirdo - I can see where you are coming from. I felt like that all the time in college - I almost preferred a guy didn't like me back, because I thought it would be SCARY if he did - like what would happen? I had no idea what you're supposed to do... just because I'm not very experienced in that area. I'm not a commitment phobe but I think the novelty of it all can seem a bit overwhelming or intimidating sometimes especially for newbies. It comes down to risk aversion--we don't want to get hurt. We don't like uncertainty. When you frame it that way, of course we can all relate to that.
My life is passing me by. I never got with a girl because I was always in a hostile environment. I've finally escaped when I turned 24, (LOL). Now, I'm in another unfavorable situation (still safe, just...broke)
I've never really asked a lady out, not because I am afraid of her saying no, but I am afraid of her saying yes. I guess I'm afraid that somewhere down the line, she will realize that I am pathetic and then leave me. At least if I knew a woman would say no, I would initiate a quick conversation and then move on after the "rejection."
Now, I am a very good looking man. Think Chris Rock with Dreads. That is only slightly less attractive than Shrek with Jheri Curls, or Quasi Moto with an Afro. So why am I more afraid of acceptance than rejection?
I'm just being real and sharing (some laughs).
But yeah, I am really more afraid of acceptance than rejection.
Can anyone relate, or am I a weirdo? (Please tell me that I'm a weirdo)
You're a wierdo. Maybe you are pathetic. Shouldnt stop you though. Maybe she is more pathetic than you? There are plenty of couples out there that are from bad situations. Stop blaming life and get out there and get that thing wet.
I don't think you're a weirdo - I can see where you are coming from. I felt like that all the time in college - I almost preferred a guy didn't like me back, because I thought it would be SCARY if he did - like what would happen? I had no idea what you're supposed to do... just because I'm not very experienced in that area. I'm not a commitment phobe but I think the novelty of it all can seem a bit overwhelming or intimidating sometimes especially for newbies. It comes down to risk aversion--we don't want to get hurt. We don't like uncertainty. When you frame it that way, of course we can all relate to that.
Aw, you are so sweet. I think I'm more afraid of hurting her, than I am of being hurt. I would rather her be the one that cheats on me than vice versa. That feeling of knowing you have betrayed someone. (shivers)
Quote:
Originally Posted by skel1977
You're a wierdo. Maybe you are pathetic. Shouldnt stop you though. Maybe she is more pathetic than you? There are plenty of couples out there that are from bad situations. Stop blaming life and get out there and get that thing wet.
I like your mentality. So what? Maybe you are pathetic,(Not YOU, you) maybe you are a loser, it's not the end of the world. (and I'll be saying that on January 1 2013, MARK MY WORDS YOU 2012 DOOMSAYERS!!!!)
Work on not letting your past define you. You have a sense of humor and that is a wonderful thing to have. It sure beats being bitter or hardened. Sure you've had some jacked up experiences, but I am pretty sure that is not all you're about. If someone rejects you because of your past, that's on them. There are lots of amazing and kind women out there who will be able to see past your past. Your past does not define you.
A favorite quote of mine is: Damaged people are dangerous because they know how to survive. You've made it through so get out there and start living and loving.
I am pulling for you.
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I think I'm more afraid of hurting her, than I am of being hurt. I would rather her be the one that cheats on me than vice versa. That feeling of knowing you have betrayed someone. (shivers)
