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For the last few weeks, Ive been dating a 24 year old girl, who is beautiful,intelligent, talented, feminine, warm and sensual. At first, we both looked at it as strictly a hook up type of situation, with occasional sex, but I think it may be progressing to something more. Recently she told me that she is looking for a take charge type of man, and is tired of dating boys. Can you please define what a take charge type of man would mean to you, when it comes to a relationship? How would it differ from a controlling man for example?
p.s. the title should read "ladies, what does a man who takes charge in a relationship, mean to you?
To me, "take charge" means in control of their own life, not everyone else's. Someone who is goal-oriented, has purpose and drive, is mature, not afraid to make a decision.
A controlling man is actually a weak person himself who looks to boost his ego/self-perception by controlling others.
I sort of dont want to, because I dont think that would be well received, in many different ways.
I agree. Asking "What do you mean by that" implies you will do what she wants, which--to me--is the opposite of what she wants. I take it to mean that she doesn't want to be with someone who keeps asking her what she wants to do, when they should go out, etc. To me, it sounds like she wants you to plan events and probably pay for them, i.e. entertain her. I could be wrong, though, so proceed with caution.
I'll bring up a scenario that many people dislike, in case this is simply what she is trying to avoid:
A: Where would you like to go for dinner on Friday?
B: Oh, anywhere is fine.
A: Do you want Chinese food? We could go to that new place.
B: Okay.
A: What about Thai? You like that place by the office.
B: Sure, we can do that.
A: I'm kind of craving sushi though. What about sushi?
B: I guess.
A: Sounds like a no. That Chinese place got really good reviews.
B: Sure, I like Chinese.
A: Ooh, what about Mexican food?
That junk drives me insane. Better:
A: I thought we'd go to that Thai place by the office on Friday. I remember you liked the Crying Tiger.
B: Sounds great.
A: Cool, does 7 work?
B: Yep.
A: Great, I'll pick you up at 6:30.
I suppose a real "take charge" person would just announce, "I made reservations at the Thai place for 7, so I'll pick you up at 6:30," but that's too overbearing in my opinion.
I agree. Asking "What do you mean by that" implies you will do what she wants, which--to me--is the opposite of what she wants. I take it to mean that she doesn't want to be with someone who keeps asking her what she wants to do, when they should go out, etc. To me, it sounds like she wants you to plan events and probably pay for them, i.e. entertain her. I could be wrong, though, so proceed with caution.
I'll bring up a scenario that many people dislike, in case this is simply what she is trying to avoid:
A: Where would you like to go for dinner on Friday?
B: Oh, anywhere is fine.
A: Do you want Chinese food? We could go to that new place.
B: Okay.
A: What about Thai? You like that place by the office.
B: Sure, we can do that.
A: I'm kind of craving sushi though. What about sushi?
B: I guess.
A: Sounds like a no. That Chinese place got really good reviews.
B: Sure, I like Chinese.
A: Ooh, what about Mexican food?
That junk drives me insane. Better:
A: I thought we'd go to that Thai place by the office on Friday. I remember you liked the Crying Tiger.
B: Sounds great.
A: Cool, does 7 work?
B: Yep.
A: Great, I'll pick you up at 6:30.
I suppose a real "take charge" person would just announce, "I made reservations at the Thai place for 7, so I'll pick you up at 6:30," but that's too overbearing in my opinion.
I think you hit the nail on the head.
A man that can plan and take charge but has manners in asking if it's alright with you.
A person who can handle doing his bills.
A man who will go out and get groceries and make a damn good meal.
A man who can remember things and follow through.
A man who can stand up for himself in a respectable manner.
A man that can surprise you but in a good way.
A man who is a problem solver.
A man who shows manners such as holding the door, pulling the chair out, order drinks you like. Ask if you would like him to order for you or not.
And so much more. You want to be a person who pays attention and shows class butt can laugh with the best of them.
I agree. Asking "What do you mean by that" implies you will do what she wants, which--to me--is the opposite of what she wants. I take it to mean that she doesn't want to be with someone who keeps asking her what she wants to do, when they should go out, etc. To me, it sounds like she wants you to plan events and probably pay for them, i.e. entertain her. I could be wrong, though, so proceed with caution.
I'll bring up a scenario that many people dislike, in case this is simply what she is trying to avoid:
A: Where would you like to go for dinner on Friday?
B: Oh, anywhere is fine.
A: Do you want Chinese food? We could go to that new place.
B: Okay.
A: What about Thai? You like that place by the office.
B: Sure, we can do that.
A: I'm kind of craving sushi though. What about sushi?
B: I guess.
A: Sounds like a no. That Chinese place got really good reviews.
B: Sure, I like Chinese.
A: Ooh, what about Mexican food?
That junk drives me insane. Better:
A: I thought we'd go to that Thai place by the office on Friday. I remember you liked the Crying Tiger.
B: Sounds great.
A: Cool, does 7 work?
B: Yep.
A: Great, I'll pick you up at 6:30.
I suppose a real "take charge" person would just announce, "I made reservations at the Thai place for 7, so I'll pick you up at 6:30," but that's too overbearing in my opinion.
Thanks. That is exactly the reason i dont want to ask her what she meant exactly, because she would likely perceive as me trying to mold myself into this type of man she wants - which is not true at all. Im not affraid of her reaction, but am cognizant of how she would receive it. And thanks for your input. I am somewhere in the "better" category on your scale, but only because her schedule is super busy and spotty. Normaly i make all the plans and communicate them well, with occasional chance for her to set something up. I think shes pretty happy there.
Maybe the comment wasn't even in reference to you. Maybe she was just complaining about her past.
I dont think it was in reference to me, but just a general comment of what she finds appealing. I dont think she was judging me on my level of assertivness or anything like that. But it still made me curious, because it is something that doesnt always seem to easy to define, or perhaps has many different definitions altogether.
Why not ask her what she means? It may come as a shock to you, but not all women (or men) think the same way about everything. No, really.
i already explained in the thread why not ask her directly. read up
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