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Here's a thought.... suppose he IS divorced, but chooses not to tell the OP. Isn't a divorce decree a public record? Perhaps the OP should do a search.
You don't want to be with a married man, but you are.
He claims he doesn't want to ever get married, but he is married. How bad could it be if he hasn't bothered to do anything about it for all these years?
i'm not ready to be married until at least june, 13 and i want to believe in him
So what happens when June 13 comes and goes, and nothing has changed? What was the visit to the lawyer about? Have you both agreed on June of next year? You do realize, don't you, that getting him to go through with the divorce is only the first hurdle. You then have to get him over the next hurdle, which is marriage. Just because he gets the divorce, doesn't mean the 2nd shoe will drop automatically.
In the meantime, run a computer background check on him, see if there are any other skeletons in his closet. It only costs a few dollars. It can tell you if he has any liens against him, any other incomplete divorces, aliases, etc.
OK, met and went out today to talk and he says, he does not want to be away from me. i asked him why he dislike marriage and he says she made such a mess of their marriage (they were very young) that he never wanted to be married again but he does believe in marriages. he says he does agree to the 4/14 date but he felt like i was pressuring him about things he is already handling (divorce). the day after july 4 he asked me to take off to go to lawyer (no prenup... we are both poor), i made the appointment and we went but i did not want to go into the office with him and the lawyer (chicken???). anyway, he is in civic service and even though i have a bad opinion on most people in this field (not to be offensive; they seem to get hard/us against them) but not him. he has more patience for people than i do and i can be very "allowing with people". his nieces and nephews from the marriage still come around him; he has a cookie contest for christmas and they all come. other than work, we are together all the time so i dont think he has another life.
as for his ex, she filed papers for the divorce in 2005 because she had someone living with her that she was going to marry. that didnt go through so i think she just dropped it for financial benefits (married=better tax bracket; she is still on his ins (both civil servants); etc). ok this one is going to be totally wierd.... she was at my house 2 weeks ago, giving their children a ride to my house (children, him and i we were going to the beach for the week). also about ??a year/two years ago, she asked me when we were going to get married if she could come/help. i asked myself why she would say that but....; she said when he sent the papers, she would sign them. she said he was a good person (she stayed home with the children while he worked 3 jobs). i did not have that with my ex's children mother, all she said was you should have run. i do hold a lot of opinion for the ex to speak poor/well of the person.
Well, not sure how great your guy is...but the EX wife sounds fantastic. There are so many horror stories between ex's that I totally appreciate how she is so accepting of you. Hang in there...Things will work out if they are meant to.
i know everyone will say that and i know this is what i need to do; it's just so unbearably hard. thank you for your reply
Yes, it is. That's why it's better to try to find this kind of stuff out early in the relationship (not the first date, of course, but relatively early). You need to find out this kind of stuff right away (and then make your decision) before getting too emotionally involved. It's a tough lesson, I know. I wish I'd learned it much sooner myself. This kind of stuff doesn't just "work itself out" as time goes on like it does on TV & in the movies.
From the logical angle, if that was the case, then why is he still married? If it is just a piece of paper, then there should be no problem getting rid of it.
But, see, for better or worse (ha!), marriage is not just a piece of paper to those who believe in the higher commitment that it implies. As I said earlier, I'm not a huge fan of it. But I don't see the value in making blanket statements like "it's just a piece of paper." Maybe it would be for you, but it's not for the OP, and that's what matters here.
And legally speaking, it's much much more than just a piece of paper.
no an optimist i am having a very good life, the last 5 have made up for the 1st 59, but there are a few rules that men need to follow that mama did not tell them about. in this manner they will be able to enjoy as good a life as have women.
Dude, you are so bitter. I wish you would stop beating that drum about your divorce. Obviously, I'm not the only CD poster who wishes for this.
I had a very dear friend who fell in love with a great guy. They lived together for several years, but he was unwilling to face his wife over a divorce (money, property etc). He got ill and his wife stepped in. She dictated his medical care, pulled the plug, so to speak and left my GF high and dry when he died. Of course the legal wife got his retirement, social security, life ins. house etc.
GF? A massive heartache. And then an eviction notice, as the condo they were living in went to the legal wife.
Oh, but marriage is just a piece of paper, don't ya know?
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