Another "friends with ex" problem (dating, girl, attractive)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
About 6 months ago I started dating a good friend, who I have practically known my entire life. She has had a crush on me for years. Anyways, we started dating and I basically was a complete jerk. She is the nicest girl in the world and I can't believe I treated her the way I did.
We all went out to the bar one night and I made a complete *** out of myself. I was blackout and she was the dd. Not a good combination. After this, she was "busy" for the next two weeks. I went out and partied with my friends over this period of time, and I had no idea that she was thinking about ending things with me. To top it off, I didn't really apologize for being a jerk that night, because I really had no idea what happened.
Finally, after two weeks of not seeing each other, it hits me that things aren't right. She had become more and more distant at this point, and that is when I started being very apologetic. To make a long story short, I tried to overcompensate for being a jerk by apologizing for everything. During this time I "smothered" her and pushed her away. She needed space and I really didn't give it to her. I was clueless.
Well we ended things at the beginning of summer and we are now "friends" again. I still have feelings for her but I feel like I have burned any bridge that could lead us to getting back together. The other problem is that we have the same mutual friends and I have known her for a very long time, so I don't feel comfortable just cutting her out of my life. Anyways, she texts me every once in awhile and she will occasionally send very light signals that give me the idea that maybe we could work things out. I try to ignore it all, but there's still that thought that maybe we can get back together.
I guess my question is the following: how can I move on without being a jerk and cutting her out of my life completely.
Last edited by time4help; 08-12-2012 at 09:39 PM..
About 6 months ago I started dating a good friend, who I have practically known my entire life. She has had a crush on me for years. Anyways, we started dating and I basically was a complete jerk. She is the nicest girl in the world and I can't believe I treated her the way I did.
We all went out to the bar one night and I made a complete *** out of myself. I was blackout and she was the dd. Not a good combination. After this, she was "busy" for the next two weeks. I went out and partied with my friends over this period of time, and I had no idea that she was thinking about ending things with me. To top it off, I didn't really apologize for being a jerk that night, because I really had no idea what happened.
Finally, after two weeks of not seeing each other, it hits me that things aren't right. She had become more and more distant at this point, and that is when I started being very apologetic. To make a long story short, I tried to overcompensate for being a jerk by apologizing for everything. During this time I "smothered" her and pushed her away. She needed space and I really didn't give it to her. I was clueless.
Well we ended things at the beginning of summer and we are now "friends" again. I still have feelings for her but I feel like I have burned any bridge that could lead us to getting back together. The other problem is that we have the same mutual friends and I have known her for a very long time, so I don't feel comfortable just cutting her out of my life. Anyways, she texts me every once in awhile and she will occasionally send very light signals that give me the idea that maybe we could work things out. I try to ignore it all, but there's still that thought that maybe we can get back together.
I guess my question is the following: how can I move on without being a jerk and cutting her out of my life completely.
Well, for one you need to work on your issues, and let her see that you are. You seem to be in a push pull situation. You care about whether she will ever trust you enough to be more, but you are not willing to be the man you know she wants, and you notice but don't reciprocate her signals. Get yourself into some sort of substance abuse program....she is too smart to accept more while you seem to be a mess. Blackouts are not normal....get some help and the rest will work out as it should be. Best of luck to you.
How long had you two been dating when you did the whole blackout thing? That would send such a huge red flag up for me that I'd run and not walk. Perhaps you've been drinking a little too much all along? I can't for the life of me think that was attractive to her. And it definitely sounds like that was the night that killed the deal.
Agree with JanND - look at that part of your life and either straighten up and fly right if this is just stupidity on your part or get yourself into a program. If you are drinking to the point of blacking out I'm sorta thinking you need to do the 12-Step, for yourself and not necessarily for her. Just because you only drink like that every now and then doesn't mean you don't have a problem - binge drinkers ARE problem drinkers a lot of the time. I think your screen name says a lot. Peace to you.
Well, for one you need to work on your issues, and let her see that you are. You seem to be in a push pull situation. You care about whether she will ever trust you enough to be more, but you are not willing to be the man you know she wants, and you notice but don't reciprocate her signals. Get yourself into some sort of substance abuse program....she is too smart to accept more while you seem to be a mess. Blackouts are not normal....get some help and the rest will work out as it should be. Best of luck to you.
I'm working on my issues now. I really want to work things out with her, but I feel like there's no going back, and I'm not about to beg. I also don't want her to think that I'm only changing to get her back. I'm not.
I feel as though she gives me a few light signals just to see if I'm still into her.... I really don't think she wants to to get back together and that is why I try to keep my feelings in check.
That's why my question is how can I get over her and still be friends?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
haha
