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So to start off, I'm a 24-year-old who's never had a girlfriend and who's never been in "true" (realistic) love. I've only recently (June-July) met a girl abroad with whom I've had the greatest level of emotional and sexual connection thus far in my life & we continue to talk to each other every day, despite the 11-hour time difference between us. However, I've also met a girl here in the United States who lives 9.4 miles away from me & with whom I had spent some time.
However, she wants to keep it as "friends with benefits". I would prefer being a boyfriend, of course, but I wouldn't quite complain when the alternative would be nothing. I have noticed however, that I've been thinking about this new girl a lot. Way too much, possibly? Facebook's algorithm isn't helping: I've tried to avoid looking at her too much while she's been on vacation (for the past 3 weeks) but the more you look at her page, the more often Facebook shows her pics & updates to me, haha.
Anyways, I'm feeling that I'm falling and falling for this girl more, but maybe that's just my subconscious/psyche doing it for me because I'm IMAGING her as I want her to be and not knowing her as she really is, since I'm just looking at her Facebook stuff & talking to her on Facebook chat. So it's just an infatuation, I guess.
How could I handle this infatuation? How could I lessen these feelings? I'm picking her up from the airport on Monday & seeing her in person for some "friends with benefits" activity and catching up, but I'm hoping that actually being around her will lessen these feelings for me, since I'll see that she's not 100% my ideal woman.
Anyways, what's your take on this, ladies & gentlemen? I'm curious to hear. Thanks in advance!
Been there done that. FWB isn't a bad thing, unless one of yous falls for the other. Every guy says they won't, but it happens.
Short of not seeing her anymore, just imagine her sleeping with other guys. She probably is, and she has the right to, but that thought usually kills any feelings I might have. Enjoy what you have for what it is, while it lasts.
Since you've never had a girlfriend before, it's natural to want one, yet you've met someone who isn't looking to be your GF, but FWB. I wouldn't get involved further at this point, as you're already investing more emotionally into this woman than she wants. Someone you've just met is barely your friend, so doesn't fit the FWB category. She's someone to have sex with, again, which doesn't seem to be what you're looking for, but you'll take it because it's better than nothing at all.
I feel you're setting yourself up for a fall, going to get your heart hurt, because you want a girlfriend, not just to be a booty call.
In regard to the other woman you mentioned, do you want to get invested in someone who is half a world away? Honestly, neither of these women sound like good prospects for you, IMO.
So to start off, I'm a 24-year-old who's never had a girlfriend and who's never been in "true" (realistic) love. I've only recently (June-July) met a girl abroad with whom I've had the greatest level of emotional and sexual connection thus far in my life & we continue to talk to each other every day, despite the 11-hour time difference between us. However, I've also met a girl here in the United States who lives 9.4 miles away from me & with whom I had spent some time.
However, she wants to keep it as "friends with benefits". I would prefer being a boyfriend, of course, but I wouldn't quite complain when the alternative would be nothing. I have noticed however, that I've been thinking about this new girl a lot. Way too much, possibly? Facebook's algorithm isn't helping: I've tried to avoid looking at her too much while she's been on vacation (for the past 3 weeks) but the more you look at her page, the more often Facebook shows her pics & updates to me, haha.
Anyways, I'm feeling that I'm falling and falling for this girl more, but maybe that's just my subconscious/psyche doing it for me because I'm IMAGING her as I want her to be and not knowing her as she really is, since I'm just looking at her Facebook stuff & talking to her on Facebook chat. So it's just an infatuation, I guess.
How could I handle this infatuation? How could I lessen these feelings? I'm picking her up from the airport on Monday & seeing her in person for some "friends with benefits" activity and catching up, but I'm hoping that actually being around her will lessen these feelings for me, since I'll see that she's not 100% my ideal woman.
Anyways, what's your take on this, ladies & gentlemen? I'm curious to hear. Thanks in advance!
"To thine ownself be true".
You are chomping at the bit to have a girlfriend - which is understandable at your age and given how long you've waited.
BUT, do not sell yourself short!
If a real relationship is what you really want, you cannot go along with the FWB scenario.
If you do, you WILL be hurt.
Let the woman know what you really want, and if she still only wants sex - walk away.
Then get busy doing other things and change your focus - it's the only way to get over an infatuation.
Infatuation is one-sided, or unrequited, love. From my life experience, it goes NOWHERE. You're 24, right? As you grow, you will (should) be less and less likely to become infatuated. I wish you the best.
In order to manage your infatuations you must develop more options (more women). If your dealing with multiple women then you wont have time to get infatuated. Ive seen this situation happen time in time again.
If she wants to FWB then go for it. it will help you gain some experience. BUT before you do make sure you speak or hang out with other women otherwise your infatuation can turn into an obsession.
Ive been down that road before when all you do is think of that girl all day long. It only leads to heartbreak if your not mentality strong.
Get rid of the girl abroad. That is a dead-end and it's taking up your [limited] emotion and time. The FWB is far from ideal but it will give you some experience with a tangible, real relationship. I recommend meeting other local women the most.
Just remember, that if you were with her day in and day out..... there would probably be a million and one things that would drive you bat ***** crazy.
You can maintain your infatuation because mostly who she is, is what your imagination has made her... the perfect woman for you.
The living day to day together can kill most relationships. You know... "if you leave one more dish out with food I will eviscerate you with a spoon....." type of stuff.
Or is that only me?
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