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She was probably faking it so as not to rock the boat or cause an argument.
I was "excited" about my kitchen renovation too...but I secretly hate it. Well hate is a strong word, but it is the polar opposite of what I would have picked.
You will have to explain this one better to me my friend
WHY WHY WHY would you "go along" with a kitchen renovation you hated???
Not to be unkind, but it seems to me that women who do this get the crap they deserve for not being honest and standing their ground in the first place, sorry.
You will have to explain this one better to me my friend
WHY WHY WHY would you "go along" with a kitchen renovation you hated???
Not to be unkind, but it seems to me that women who do this get the crap they deserve for not being honest and standing their ground in the first place, sorry.
Long story short...we were supposed to sell this house and build a new one so he felt we should go with "safe" and "sellable". My argument was that I still had to live here and there was no "for sale" sign on the front lawn yet...and I wasn't asking to put in purple tile or anything over the top.
He's since decided he doesn't want to move so now I'm stuck with it. It's almost time to do the master bath reno and I'm dragging my feet on that one.
And less specifically...it's draining to constantly have these little battles, so I just choose not to have them anymore.
I will bring it up again later. We are due to take delivery today too, but I am more than willing to put that on hold or let that fall thru too. (Honestly, the stress has removed all joy from it anyway).
I don't think it's got anything to do with the damn pop-up.
As other posters have pointed out, she's nervous about money. And in these financial times, who wouldn't be?
So here's what you do. Say, "Honey, I know you're a little nervous about the financial commitment here. So let's put together a budget that makes you feel a little more secure moving forward. Because we would not have bought either of these things had this not been a joint decision, because I want you to feel good about this purchase."
As other posters have pointed out, she's nervous about money. And in these financial times, who wouldn't be?
So here's what you do. Say, "Honey, I know you're a little nervous about the financial commitment here. So let's put together a budget that makes you feel a little more secure moving forward. Because we would not have bought either of these things had this not been a joint decision, because I want you to feel good about this purchase."
I think the conversation should include, "If you are nervous about a financial commitment we might make, please say so. Because I get very worried and stressed and wonder what is going on when you say you would like to do something and then have a meltdown of sorts after we do."
Let us know when you get to the bottom of things (hopefully later this evening)
Not to the bottom of things. In fact, things are worse.
I tried to delicately bring things up, but she turned immediately very angry. Could not really talk about it. What she has told me is that she has been on an emotional roller coaster for a couple weeks. That she feels I am making everything about her. That it is ruining our relationship.
I am thinking the roller coaster is the ups and downs she is having about the excitement of what we are planning, and the panic about actually following through.
I am thinking she thinks I have made it all about her, because she keeps giving me those signals (you bought yourself a trailer) which have caused me to pause or become tentative in the process. In a way that is making it about her some, but I am not holding it against her. Just offering to slow down.
She is angry that I did slow down too. Exasperated because she told me "yes" even though at a couple points after the yes, she makes me feel guilty (you bought yourself a trailer). Maybe she wanted closure to the process quicker? Maybe she felt she would handle it better by ripping the bandaid off quick?
I have no idea why she feels this is ruining our relationship. Yes, we now have a disagreement over it, which is not the best thing. However, for me, even a disagreement over a camping trailer, or new car, is nothing to put a wedge into a relationship over. If she cannot handle this, how badly is she going to be if we have a real family crisis? (which is shocking to me, we have already been thru some real issues that had big consequences and did fine).
I am just sick this morning and at a loss. Guess I will stop and abandon this project for now, let it simmer until cooler heads prevail. Yet, I am gettng the feeling for her, there is a deeper issue, and she is either unwilling or unable to really go there and communicate.
Not to the bottom of things. In fact, things are worse.
I tried to delicately bring things up, but she turned immediately very angry. Could not really talk about it. What she has told me is that she has been on an emotional roller coaster for a couple weeks. That she feels I am making everything about her. That it is ruining our relationship.
I am thinking the roller coaster is the ups and downs she is having about the excitement of what we are planning, and the panic about actually following through.
I am thinking she thinks I have made it all about her, because she keeps giving me those signals (you bought yourself a trailer) which have caused me to pause or become tentative in the process. In a way that is making it about her some, but I am not holding it against her. Just offering to slow down.
She is angry that I did slow down too. Exasperated because she told me "yes" even though at a couple points after the yes, she makes me feel guilty (you bought yourself a trailer). Maybe she wanted closure to the process quicker? Maybe she felt she would handle it better by ripping the bandaid off quick?
I have no idea why she feels this is ruining our relationship. Yes, we now have a disagreement over it, which is not the best thing. However, for me, even a disagreement over a camping trailer, or new car, is nothing to put a wedge into a relationship over. If she cannot handle this, how badly is she going to be if we have a real family crisis? (which is shocking to me, we have already been thru some real issues that had big consequences and did fine).
I am just sick this morning and at a loss. Guess I will stop and abandon this project for now, let it simmer until cooler heads prevail. Yet, I am gettng the feeling for her, there is a deeper issue, and she is either unwilling or unable to really go there and communicate.
YIKES! Sorry to hear things have gotten worse. And how frustrating for you
The fact she is so angry and won't talk would indicate to me this is not really about the pop-up, but about fear, resentment, and guilt she has surrounding money issues.
She could really benefit from sitting down with a therapist for a few sessions, but getting her there might be a big problem since people acting like she is are often very defensive about that kind of thing.
I would let the emotions calm down a bit for a few days.
Then gently suggest that the two of you might need some help learning some better communication techniques.
Don't make it sound like SHE has a problem (she'll get more defensive) - acknowledge to her that the two of you seem to be having a problem and you'd like to get through it rather than let it get worse.
Even if she won't agree to go, maybe she will be more willing at that point to share with you what she is really feeling once she isn't so upset.
Best of luck - I'm sorry you are going through this!
My gutt feeling after your last post is that this isn't about the pop-up camper or even money issues.
She's feeling angry/guilty and she's pushing you away when you are attempting to do something to get closer to her (planning vacations, trying to open up discussions..etc.). It doesn't sound like she's wants your attention or affections right now.
How is your marriage otherwise? Has she been distant or preoccupied?
And even moreso, how would SHE describe your marriage?
Okay. I get the feeling we don't know the full story here.
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