what is going on in this guy's head? (date, marriage, woman)

[candy 87]

Me and this guy have been friends for a couple of years, but thats all it's ever been, however he's always talked to me like we are more than friends. Recently he has said indirect things like i want a relationship now, i want to find a girl and settle down etc etc.. but its all indirect nothing where he has said with you etc etc.

Anyway in the last couple of weeks he has tried calling me but i havn't had the time to speak to him or anything, i havn't returned his calls, i'v been quite busy.. so after a few times of ringing me he text messaged me (this is very unusual for him he NEVER messages me), but i assumed its because i hadn't called him back or nothing.

he txt me and told me to listen to a song and tell him what i think, so i was thinking thats unusual again..because he's never bothered enough to message me normall about music lol.. so then i listened to the song and i was like :O.. is he trying to tell me something. to me the words practically described our situation.

the words are as follows:
i've known you for a long long time, i never thought that we would find, what we are holding in our hands, lately i've been thinking i should make you mine, been thinking that we should define what we are, you know i like to be in control but recently i don't know what to do i'm losing it over you,

we both feel the same, and i can't play this game any longer

girl i think about you all of the time, wondering how im going to make you mine,so many things ive been wanting to say, held in my heart for a day like today, i want to hold you till the light fades away..

those were the main words of the song




so after he messaged me asking me to tell him what i think... i said i would listen to it later.... and then that very same day he did ring me again... before i'd even messaged him anything back about it..because i was confusedd.. as to whether he was trying to tell me something... or whether i was thinking to much in to it

so i rang him back a few days later.... and he didnt mention it again ... so i thought i would... i said refering to the song... its not your normal type of song that you like (i didn't wanna be too obvious).. i was just trying to find out his reasons for asking me to listen to it.. and he said not really...BUT I REALLY LIKE THE WORDS....i said ok kool.. and that was it end of.... he didnt even ask me my opinion of it or anything more...

This was what he hinted to me ONLY a couple of months ago

that he wants a relationship... in that time i basically said that i don't want one now....im not looking for it..and this isnt the time.... but its not like i said i dont see you that way nothing of that sort..
and we've still continued contact he still calls me i call him etc... etc... but as friends

next thing i know only today...
he says to me that he met up with some other girl who is really interested in him , how shes the one who likes him and that he thinks she's too keen and he doesn't like it... YET... he's seen her a couple of times...and they went on what seemed like a date... to the cinema and then they went to a park..and according to him she was very touchy feely... and everytime she got too close he would try to stop anything from happening... BUT then he said that at one point she ended up kissing him he said he didn't kiss her back or whatever... and that he isn't going to see her again ..even though she's very persistent. and then he says to me she looked so good that he was finding it hard to get away from her ...and i just thought to myself its bad enough what you're telling me in the first place yet you have to add on those extra details about how great she looked?

what i dont understand is why is it that not too long ago he's declaring that he's "losing it over me" wants to meet me up and see what happens..and then he goes out and meets with this girl knowing that she really likes him...allows her to kiss him but then doesn't want to go any further with her or see her again EVEN THOUGH SHE APPARENTLY LOOKS HOT..it just doesn't make any sense... and then at the same time he's always asking me to keep in touch with him and talks to me so seriously about marriage and the future and absolutely everything thats on his mind. :/

[candy 87]

Talk about mixed signalsss

[1208]

Originally Posted by candy 87

Talk about mixed signalsss

Not really, no.

I have a hard time believing anyone could be confused by this situation.

He wants YOU. He wants to be with YOU. He doesn't want the other girl, he is telling you that to try to get you to respond, to want him. Either tell him you aren't interested or tell him you are, it is clear as day that is what he wants to know from you.

[Ruth4Truth]

He met this girl, she came on to him somewhat aggressively, but because he really cares for you, he feels a little bad about it, like he's cheating on you, because his heart has really been for you. So he feels he has to confess this and be honest with you, because in his mind he kind of cheated on you, even though you've made it clear you're not up for a relationship. (assuming the whole story was true about his date with the girl)

I think you should go to lunch with him and talk to him about the whole relationship thing. He had you listen to the song because he wanted you to know how he felt about you. He'd been dropping hints, and finally he hit you over the head with it. And maybe he was hoping that his going out with that woman would make you a little jealous and bring you closer to him, but it didn't work.

Poor guy. Have a serious talk with him and let him know you're busy or it's not the right time for you for a relationship, but that he's not out of the picture for the future. Then it's up to him to decide if he wants to wait around for you, or if he wants to move on.

Good luck.

[1208]

Also, do you like him? You didn't say. If you like him you should give him a shot.

[candy 87]

Originally Posted by 1208

Not really, no.

I have a hard time believing anyone could be confused by this situation.

He wants YOU. He wants to be with YOU. He doesn't want the other girl, he is telling you that to try to get you to respond, to want him. Either tell him you aren't interested or tell him you are, it is clear as day that is what he wants to know from you.

if he wants me or whatever it is... surely he wouldnt have met up with this girl knowing what she would be like...because she obviously likes him... and let her sit on his lap :/ and plant one on him... like where was i in his head at that point...clearly nowhere...

and also... he didnt just randomly bring it in to the conversation... it lead on from a phonecall that the girl made to him while he was on the phone to me...and he put me on hold comes back and says..this girl shes so funny...and then went in to how they met up TWICE as well.

[candy 87]

Originally Posted by 1208

Also, do you like him? You didn't say. If you like him you should give him a shot.

if im going to be straightforward.. ye i did tell him not to a relationship..because i like being by myself at the moment.. but when he told me about that girl.. i was like ... it really hit home

[1208]

That's why he told you, to make you realize he can find other girls, and that he is attractive to other girls. What are you, 15? You didn't respond to anything he did before, so he did that as a last ditch effort to get you interested. It is you he wants. Forget about the other girl, lady. Stop stringing him along or he WILL move on to someone else, make up your mind.

[Prince_Frog]

Then stop messing around and go get your man. Or at least talk to him about what's happening in your life and whether or not you can have a relationship at this time is possible.

I don't understand the difficulties that so many people in this world face with discussions.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by candy 87

if im going to be straightforward.. ye i did tell him not to a relationship..because i like being by myself at the moment.. but when he told me about that girl.. i was like ... it really hit home

AHA! So if he saw that girl in order to really test how you feel about him, it worked. You realized you care, to some extent, anyway. It sounds like you need some time to figure out for yourself how you do feel about him. Once you decide, talk to him. I get that it's nice to be by yourself. You'll have to weight that with whatever your feelings are for him.

This is getting interesting.

edit: I agree with what Froggie said.