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Why would a childless, non-divorced, relatively attractive 40 year old man choose a childless 40 year old woman? What exactly does that woman offer that man with options that he can't get from a 25 year old or 30 year old, both of which actively chase 40 year old men? There's your answer right there.
Maybe the man judges her by who she is as person, what she means to him, what she brings to the table as a partner, and not her statistics that only appeal to the petty.
We've had 40+ guys starting threads here, asking if they have any hope of finding women their age who are single with no kids, so clearly, there are guys like this out there. There are men and women both who focus on their careers, and only start looking around at 40, it's not that unusual. The trick is for them to find each other. Not all 40-something guys want younger women; some prefer women their age. If you've found one, congrats, IDDY. If not, keep looking, keep circulating and networking.
A woman in her 40s with no kids is a hot commodity for men in their 40s and 50s. If the men don't want kids, she's perfect. If the men have kids who are in high school or older, she's also pretty rootin', tootin' good. And sometimes, if they have small kids, she's also pretty rootin' tootin' good. Really, the only time they'll rule her out is if they want kids of their own. The trouble is, women in their mid-30s are not as likely to find men older than mid-40s to be quite as attractive as some of these men might hope. They'll be looking for men in their 30s, too. Or maybe even younger! I know when I was in my 30s, I didn't want any 50-year-olds, especially Americans, with their heart-attack bodies and diets. When I was I my late 30s, I was dating men in their late 20s up to mid-40s. The few in their late 40s whom I dated were starting to have trouble with, er, hydraulics, if you know what I mean. So I stopped dating men that age and went my age or younger.
It's funny: My sister is in her mid-50s and when she and I were talking the other day, she said menopause is like nature's gift to women. "No more psycho hormones. Nothing bothers you anymore. All those things you worry about when you're younger--will he call, what does it mean when he does this, what does it mean when he does that--they don't matter any more. You just don't CARE any more. I always thought I'd want to marry again and be with someone in my golden years. Now? Forget it. The single men my age or older all want someone to take care of them. Get outta here! I took care of my kids. I'm not taking care of a grown man!"
If I had a dime for every time I heard that from a woman older than 50 (including married ones!), I could take you to lunch.
Maybe the man judges her by who she is as person, what she means to him, what she brings to the table as a partner, and not her statistics that only appeal to the petty.
Those are exactly the men I want. men who judge me by what I bring.
A woman in her 40s with no kids is a hot commodity for men in their 40s and 50s. If the men don't want kids, she's perfect. If the men have kids who are in high school or older, she's also pretty rootin', tootin' good. And sometimes, if they have small kids, she's also pretty rootin' tootin' good. Really, the only time they'll rule her out is if they want kids of their own. The trouble is, women in their mid-30s are not as likely to find men older than mid-40s to be quite as attractive as some of these men might hope. They'll be looking for men in their 30s, too. I know when I was in my 30s, I didn't want any 50-year-olds, especially Americans, with their heart-attack bodies and diets.
It's funny: My sister is in her mid-50s. She and I were talking the other day, and she said menopause is like nature's gift to women. "No more psycho hormones. Nothing bothers you anymore. All those things you worry about when you're younger--will he call, what does it mean when he does this, what does it mean when he does that--they don't matter any more. You just don't CARE any more. I always thought I'd want to marry again and be with someone in my golden years. Now? Forget it. The single men my age or older all want someone to take care of them. Get outta here! I took care of my kids. I'm not taking care of a grown man!"
If I had a dime for every time I heard that from a woman older than 50 (including married ones!), I could take you to lunch.
What I find disturbing are the men in their 40s and older who want kids so they look younger, not realizing they are just to blame for being older and childless as women are, but they don't get blamed. The researchers have been doing studies where it has been proven that older men have more likely to have defective sperm, just like older women may have defective eggs. Let's not forget too that not all women can have kids so what if a 40 year old man bypasses a woman his age because of her age to try a younger woman, finds her then she is infertile or he is, then what? Age isn't the only reason for infertility. I am fine adopting (lots of kids need homes)or just be happy being an aunt if my clock runs out.
People say that maybe my views on many things will change when I hit menopause so who knows but my doctor told me I am not even in periomenopause so I'll worry about it then.
Maybe the man judges her by who she is as person, what she means to him, what she brings to the table as a partner, and not her statistics that only appeal to the petty.
What I find disturbing are the men in their 40s and older who want kids so they look younger, not realizing they are just to blame for being older and childless as women are, but they don't get blamed. The researchers have been doing studies where it has been proven that older men have more likely to have defective sperm, just like older women may have defective eggs. Let's not forget too that not all women can have kids so what if a 40 year old man bypasses a woman his age because of her age to try a younger woman, finds her then she is infertile or he is, then what? Age isn't the only reason for infertility. I am fine adopting (lots of kids need homes)or just be happy being an aunt if my clock runs out.
People say that maybe my views on many things will change when I hit menopause so who knows but my doctor told me I am not even in periomenopause so I'll worry about it then.
Aside from not understanding their own role in genetic defects, they're just playing the numbers game. It's generally easier for women in their 30s to conceive.
There are plenty of people older than 40 who adopt. That sister I mentioned up-thread? Her ex, who is also 55, adopted at 48 with his second wife (then in her early 40s--and a year later she got pregnant, herself, so now he has two young boys).
I have my politically incorrect theories about men in their 40s suddenly wanting to have families, those theories having to do with mid-life crises, wanting to assure themselves of their virility, and a dash of ego if they are hung up on having their own kids to the point where they won't even consider adopting.
Aside from not understanding their own role in genetic defects, they're just playing the numbers game. It's generally easier for women in their 30s to conceive.
There are plenty of people older than 40 who adopt. That sister I mentioned up-thread? Her ex, who is also 55, adopted at 48 with his second wife (then in her early 40s--and a year later she got pregnant, herself, so now he has two young boys).
I have my politically incorrect theories about men in their 40s suddenly wanting to have families, those theories having to do with mid-life crises, wanting to assure themselves of their virility, and a dash of ego if they are hung up on having their own kids to the point where they won't even consider adopting.
What I find interesting are those men you mention who decide at 40 (or even older)"hey I'll have a baby", they rush to find someone and then get married (or hope to). Many of those men I believe are probably afraid of being alone or they believe that they can be as old and gross as they want and find women. For me I just never met a guy I wanted to have kids with and those I did I knew would be horrible dads. I will probably regret not having kids but doesn't matter whether they are bio or adopted. I do know a lot of women my age desperate to have babies so they will date any guy and a few married I believe because they felt they couldn't get better. I let the cards fall and see where it goes. I know I won't have a large family naturally but I never desired that anyway and am content with having one kid if I am lucky (and late births run in my family). I've told myself if I get to 45 and still single I will consider adoption as a single woman.
What I find disturbing are the men in their 40s and older who want kids so they look younger, not realizing they are just to blame for being older and childless as women are, but they don't get blamed. The researchers have been doing studies where it has been proven that older men have more likely to have defective sperm, just like older women may have defective eggs. Let's not forget too that not all women can have kids so what if a 40 year old man bypasses a woman his age because of her age to try a younger woman, finds her then she is infertile or he is, then what? Age isn't the only reason for infertility. I am fine adopting (lots of kids need homes)or just be happy being an aunt if my clock runs out.
People say that maybe my views on many things will change when I hit menopause so who knows but my doctor told me I am not even in periomenopause so I'll worry about it then.
You are trying to rationalize your decision with this post. If a 40 year old relatively attractive man wants a kid, someone like you has little value. 40 years old is literally at the wall as far as conceiving babies goes for women. Then factor in that it would take a few years of dating and you guys would need to try conceiving immediate (rushing the whole process), you might be 42-43 by that time. Then the odds get slimmer. So you have small odds of conceiving, plus huge odds for birth defects because older women equals high risk of birth defects. Also have to factor that you will likely only have 1 kid at best so if he wants multiple, he is outta luck.
So its easy to see why a 40-45 year old man would want a 25-35 year old woman. They are younger, more attractive, more fertile, less baggage, etc. Maybe a 40 year old woman is more mature, but maturity has never given a man a boner, only shrunk it.
What I find interesting are those men you mention who decide at 40 (or even older)"hey I'll have a baby", they rush to find someone and then get married (or hope to). Many of those men I believe are probably afraid of being alone or they believe that they can be as old and gross as they want and find women. For me I just never met a guy I wanted to have kids with and those I did I knew would be horrible dads. I will probably regret not having kids but doesn't matter whether they are bio or adopted. I do know a lot of women my age desperate to have babies so they will date any guy and a few married I believe because they felt they couldn't get better. I let the cards fall and see where it goes. I know I won't have a large family naturally but I never desired that anyway and am content with having one kid if I am lucky (and late births run in my family). I've told myself if I get to 45 and still single I will consider adoption as a single woman.
Someone up-thread, or maybe it was in another thread, mentioned how on one hand, some of the men here complain that young women are too hung up on partying and material things to make suitable marriage partners, and yet some of those same men are the first to natter on about women supposedly "losing worth" or being less attractive after 30. Then there are those who, like you say, think they can put it off and put it off and then just go out and find a young wife. But guess what? A lot of those men will then turn around and say that women in their 20s are--you guessed it--too hung up on partying and material things. Then women in their 30s are going to come with baggage or are somehow defective.
The way I see it, the problem with such men is all theirs.
Thing is, not all men are like that. Not by a long shot. If it's in a man's heart to genuinely love a woman and want a family with her, her age isn't going to matter.
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