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This now a red flag for me when someone says they’re independent. It’s usually not the things that come with independence like paying your own rent, doing your own laundry, washing your own dog, and cleaning your own toilet types.
I have found that it usually means I don’t need a relationship, I’m too picky, I don’t want to settle down, I’m a tough nut to crack, I’m another scowl away from getting 16 cats, My house looks like an episode of hoarders, I’m a financial disaster in the making, but I don’t want you to find out.
Yep. That is pretty much what it means for me. Though I am perfectly open to CHOOSING to have a relationship. It's the people who NEED a relationship who scare the bejesus ****snacks out of me.
This now a red flag for me when someone says they’re independent. It’s usually not the things that come with independence like paying your own rent, doing your own laundry, washing your own dog, and cleaning your own toilet types.
I have found that it usually means I don’t need a relationship, I’m too picky, I don’t want to settle down, I’m a tough nut to crack, I’m another scowl away from getting 16 cats, My house looks like an episode of hoarders, I’m a financial disaster in the making, but I don’t want you to find out.
Good thread here. An independent person may not completely shun having a relationship but can make it difficult to find one due to a more closed nature. An independent person usually is stubborn however, Not asking help if they were in dire need. Also a sense of "me Vs. The world" and having walls up depending on how their life was. The levels might vary person to person as well. I know because i am this way and until only recently been working on being more open. i was on my own young and had zero assistance growing up. It was sink or swim. I sunk a few times to be honest (bad, Like threats to my health and safety bad) and never asked for any help even though their were a few people that would have been there. And i do feel life is a fight sometimes, Though I have grown to an understanding that life is short, And opening up to people you love, spending time with them and providing the same is vital. It takes effort though and it is indeed a choice though No man or woman is an island and isolation is not a good way to live, regardless of literal or figurative.
Good thread here. An independent person may not completely shun having a relationship but can make it difficult to find one due to a more closed nature. An independent person usually is stubborn however, Not asking help if they were in dire need. Also a sense of "me Vs. The world" and having walls up depending on how their life was. The levels might vary person to person as well.
I'm independent and this pretty much sums it up. I think I'm getting better though. Only 1 cat in 30 years.
This now a red flag for me when someone says they’re independent.
It is for me too and also if someone says I want someone who is independent. But I don't necessarily think all the rest of the stuff you said in your post. I just prefer a certain level of co-dependence and see that as a good thing for a relationship.
This now a red flag for me when someone says they’re independent. It’s usually not the things that come with independence like paying your own rent, doing your own laundry, washing your own dog, and cleaning your own toilet types.
I have found that it usually means I don’t need a relationship, I’m too picky, I don’t want to settle down, I’m a tough nut to crack, I’m another scowl away from getting 16 cats, My house looks like an episode of hoarders, I’m a financial disaster in the making, but I don’t want you to find out.
I'm independent, but in a positive way. My house isn't messy (as a matter of fact, I'm borderline OCD when it comes to cleanliness). I'm a people-person and love dating. However, I guess I like my space and don't need a relationship. Maybe that scares some men off. I do get busy, so when I'm supposed to call a guy and don't, they're usually saying, "You promised you'd call at 5:50 and it's 6:30! Where were you? Who were you with?" When I honestly got hung up on some things. So okay I guess I do have a tendency to feel smothered...
I mean well, though!!
BTW, I'm a dog lover...have no cats.
Independent...
Next time I hear a date mention that, I am going to casually press for how they consider themself an "independent" person. IME people that claim to be "independent" seem to have the mentality that they don't need anyone. It's a take it or leave it attitude. "if you don't like me for who I am, then tough ****."
I think most people have that mentality, but it is the independent ones that verballize this.
On the contrary, if I really like someone, I do express my feelings & don't have the "I can take 'em or leave 'em" attitude. I really like being part of a couple. The truth is, I may be sending off vibes causing me to only attract men who need constant adoration/attention. Nothing wrong with that, I must add. I'm just not capable of it.
"Independent" can just mean that you don't depend on others' opinions for approval. You go to the beat of your own drummer. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not interested in sharing your life with someone else. It also means you're not emotionally needy/clingy.
"Independent" can just mean that you don't depend on others' opinions for approval. You go to the beat of your own drummer. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not interested in sharing your life with someone else. It also means you're not emotionally needy/clingy.
took the words right out of my mouth.
independent in spirit and mind.
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