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Maybe it's just me but this girl seems a little weird. A kiss has her all freaked out and moving too fast? I don't normally kiss on the first date, but if the chemistry is there and I really like him then absolutely I would. A kiss doesn't seem like it should be such a big deal that she's freaking out like this.
After taking a leave of absence, I made my foray back into online dating. I chatted with a woman for a few days, and Friday we went out. We started out at the coffee shop at the Barnes and Noble chatting, then we went and played mini-golf afterward. We had a great time, but we began kissing about halfway through the game. We had to stand under an umbrella as we waited for some rain to pass, and she mentioned she never made out in the rain, so I took her hand, and we stood on the green as we kissed in the rain. She had to go home afterwards, and we kissed goodnight.
We talked a little yesterday, and she seemed a little aloof. Today she texted me and said she had fun the other night, but it's moving too fast for her. She says she's never kissed on the first date before and she doesn't know how she feels about what happened. She ended it by saying she doesn't want to be hurtful and that I'm a really nice guy, but she doesn't know how she feels about all this. I texted her back saying that the last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable, but that I like her and that I want to see where things go. I asked her for another chance, but she has not said anything.
I figure I'll give her a couple days to mull things over before I try her again. When I do try again, what should I say? I like this girl in that I see potential for a relationship with her, and unlike the others I'm not about to give up on her. Any pearls of wisdom you can give me would be fully appreciated.
Ball is in her court. You put the message out there and she didn't respond. Don't invest anymore emotion in this. If I don't want to make out with someone the last thing I'm going to do is hint at kissing. I don't have rules about not kissing on a first date. If the attraction and chemistry is there then go for it. Everyone is different. Heck, that's how I met my husband! If she's now having 2nd thoughts and is pulling the "you're a nice guy, I don't wanna be hurtful", then that is your cue to leave it alone.
She hinted at a kiss, and went with it, and is now overwhelmed at "how fast" things are going? Either she's very young or inexperienced, or has issues with sexuality, IMO. Sure, try for another date in a couple of days, but don't be surprised if it doesn't happen, or doesn't go well.
After taking a leave of absence, I made my foray back into online dating. I chatted with a woman for a few days, and Friday we went out. We started out at the coffee shop at the Barnes and Noble chatting, then we went and played mini-golf afterward. We had a great time, but we began kissing about halfway through the game. We had to stand under an umbrella as we waited for some rain to pass, and she mentioned she never made out in the rain, so I took her hand, and we stood on the green as we kissed in the rain. She had to go home afterwards, and we kissed goodnight.
We talked a little yesterday, and she seemed a little aloof. Today she texted me and said she had fun the other night, but it's moving too fast for her. She says she's never kissed on the first date before and she doesn't know how she feels about what happened. She ended it by saying she doesn't want to be hurtful and that I'm a really nice guy, but she doesn't know how she feels about all this. I texted her back saying that the last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable, but that I like her and that I want to see where things go. I asked her for another chance, but she has not said anything.
I figure I'll give her a couple days to mull things over before I try her again. When I do try again, what should I say? I like this girl in that I see potential for a relationship with her, and unlike the others I'm not about to give up on her. Any pearls of wisdom you can give me would be fully appreciated.
Bolded - I would have never said something like that. It sounds like begging which I do not do.
Other than that I do not see that you did anything wrong.
my advice is to try to not sweat it and just move on to the next one
she has some crap she has to sort out for herself. best case is some sort of dating immaturity that allows her to kiss on the first date and then bizarrely regret it and blame the other person. it's also possible she has some ex-BF hanging around or other drama nonsense and is just making up some BS because she doesn't know what to do. people very commonly make up crap when they don't feel like telling the whole story to a brand new dating acquaintance
if she comes to her senses and contacts you again you can entertain the notion of seeing her again but i'd try to just move on
i strongly recommend against reaching out to her. you might *respond* to communication but i really think initiating any more communication is a bad move
Sometimes people get caught up in the moment, and then regret their actions later. Clearly she wishes that she had exercised more restraint, so now she feels awkward. Give her a call and let her know that you have no intention of doing anything that she is not comfortable with. Tell her that you will back up as far as she needs. You need to reassure her that you are very content to take it as slow as she needs, because you are seriously interested in getting to know her better.
This^^^. She might be accustomed to a good-night kiss on the first date, but making out in the rain may have made her feel like she went too far too fast and she's embarrassed by it. It doesn't mean she's necessarily a prude, but if you like the girl I wouldn't write her off just yet.
From a female standpoint, I don't think you did anything wrong. I'm curious as to if she's been in a relationship before and how it ended. If she hasn't (yes, it does happen), then that would have felt fast to her. If she's been in one, it could be that she thought she was ready to date again and when she kissed you realized she's not as ready as she thought she was. Or it is possible she didn't feel any chemistry in the kiss and this is her way of saying "I'm just not that into you."
I'd give it a few days and see how you still feel about it. If you still think you want to see her again, then send her a note asking if you can start over. If she doesn't respond, then she's not interested and move on.
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