What makes for the better lover - Someone with numerous one night stands vs someone who had sex often with one person? (dating, married)
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I'd say it also depends on intelligence, curiosity, selflessness and responsiveness. My first time was with a guy who had a lot of experience - both one-night stands and long-term relationships. But he was dumber than a stump, interested mainly in getting himself off and utterly oblivious to the signals I gave him. Talk about "meh." We only slept together the one time.
The second guy was just as experienced, had a genius-level IQ, wanted me to have a good time and paid attention to my body language. He knew I'd done a lot of "research" about sex (read a lot of books, etc.), and kind of let me have my way with him when it was my turn. He was very bouncy for the next few days, talking about how he was only going to date "women who read" going forward. Meanwhile, I developed the "no selfish morons" rule - I'm never having sex with a guy who doesn't meet a basic level of intelligence and curiosity or display any interest in my pleasure.
The number of partners means nothing, I'm pretty sure. Someone with a lot of one-night stands under their belt would have no way of truly ascertaining their partners' levels of satisfaction. So unless it was paired with some long-term relationships, I'd probably be LESS inclined to be with such a person. By the same token, a person with one long-term relationship would probably be a little set in their ways. But personality matters the most.
My soon to be ex wife was recently with a guy who claimed to have around 30 partners, mainly one night stands. She said she left disappointed and expected better (sparing ya'll the details, but it sounds like he thought he was making a porn video).
Which got me thinking - does having a high one night stand number create a better lover than someone whose only had one (or a few) partners?
In my experience, the first few times usually suck. It takes awhile to learn what people respond to and what signals to look for. Also some things float to the top, and although not everyone is the same, I think some things are pretty similar..
I don't see how a bunch of one night stands will teach you that stuff..
So - what do ya'll think?
I can attest of a case where a man was a virgin but yet a terrific lover. The requirements are knowledge (apparently ascertained through how-to literature, and other means), attentiveness, unselfishness, a touch of self-assurance, and finally, a bit of patience. Three out of five might have been good enough, but he had them all.
Lots of one night stands. Why? You learn more, and are less inhibited. A person likely to have many one night stands probably has a high sex drive, and enjoys sex.
One partner, forever, dullsville. They are used to a routine.
I don't know. I'm pretty good with what I do to women. I only have had relationship sex though.
I know a bunch of guys who've only had tons of ONS, and whenever they've tried having a relationship with someone, they fell on there face.
So from my experiences with people, if you want a quick lay, find a guy who's accumulated a bunch of ONS. If you want someone to have a relationship with, find a guy who has some good experience with relationships in his past.
Lots of one night stands. Why? You learn more, and are less inhibited. A person likely to have many one night stands probably has a high sex drive, and enjoys sex.
One partner, forever, dullsville. They are used to a routine.
I couldn't rep you again. I agree. A person who has seen more action enjoys sex and "adjusts" to the situation, rather than using a "canned routine."
Then, who's to say that such a person doesn't slow down and become monogamous? Who's to say that such a person isn't likely to be intimate and romantic? Look at how many famous people were players who finally settled down.
In today's times, just be sure to get all kinds of lab work done before settling down.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 08-22-2012 at 10:50 PM..
it hasnt mattered in my lifetime. what did matter was the persons interest and how engaged they where in the moment. people learn quick what feel good and what just feels ok
Lots of one night stands. Why? You learn more, and are less inhibited. A person likely to have many one night stands probably has a high sex drive, and enjoys sex.
One partner, forever, dullsville. They are used to a routine.
I disagree. I think it really comes down to the individual. Just because you have sex with the same person for a long time doesn't mean that it's boring. Sometimes the reason you want to have sex with the same person over and over is because it's NOT boring! I think sex drive, kinkiness, inhibitions, etc. - all depend on the person and not the number of partners. But I will say this - a guy who is only interested in getting laid and getting laid by lots of different women might not have her satisfaction in mind as much as his own.
I have quite a few satisfied customers, but I feel that comes from being in a LTR. I was with my ex-wife for five years, and the whole time I was with her she never orgasmed, and it certainly isn't from lack of effort. The way I describe it is imagine that you are the workout partner of one of the world's top fighters (be in wrestling, boxing, MMA, BJJ, etc) and you try your due dilligence to beat them, only to be defeated all the time. Once you face off against someone else, chances are you're going to be the living daylights out of that opponent.
I also feel that your approach to sex has a lot to do with it. To me, sex is a sensual experience shared between two kindred spirits, and I think that's why my ONS' won't leave me alone after the deed. There are those, however who treat sex as the "ol in-out in-out" and are suited for ONS. To each their own.
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