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Old 08-22-2012, 10:47 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,001 posts, read 6,260,123 times
Reputation: 6855

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Quote:
Originally Posted by cwamjn View Post
I wouldn't put too much stock in advice from people that are well worse off in the relationship department than you are.

Ultimately, you should seek out friends and other women that are in happy, successful relationships, and ask them what they think. I doubt you will get the silly "be mean" messages.

They aren't silly.

They are applied science.

Human beings naturally value that which is difficult to obtain.

This is why diamonds and gold are so expensive, but glass and steel are not.

Availability and supply. Limit these, and the value increases.
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Old 08-22-2012, 10:50 PM
 
1,841 posts, read 3,168,365 times
Reputation: 2512
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandavaran View Post
Just face the fact that you're on the back burner. Think about it. You like him because he's cute, probably got a good body and a good job and likely has some charm to boot. Guess what? Other women want him for those same reasons. The old adage about 90% of women chasing 10% of the top men is mostly true. You're always going to face a lot of competition. Right now, he has younger women, cuter and with less baggage than you that are pursuing him. He also has older women with more intelligence, accomplishments and sophistication that also want him.

There's no nice way to say this but he doesn't like you enough to want to pursue you. Not when he has so many other, more desirable choices. Why should he tell you this? You're not in a committed relationship. If things don't work out with the others and he hits a dry spell, you'll still be around. And you'll still be competing with all the other women who want the top dog.

If you want the top dogs, you have to pay the price. Don't play the silly "ignore him and drive him mad" games some people are spouting. Your best plan is to wait till he hits that dry spell, then when he contacts you and you get together, wow him with the best sex he ever had. Something really memorable and unique he won't ever forget.

The key to winning a man is sexual addiction. Make him want you more that he's ever wanted any other woman. The question is, are you woman enough to pull it off?
wow...killjoy.
This is not always the case. The truth is the guy is not looking for a long term and he got the vibes from the OP and this has had him reevaluating the situation.
Who is to say that the reason no contact has been made is based strictly on this guy getting hit on left and right by better candidates? Truth might be that perhaps this gent has HIS OWN BAGGAGE ...maybe he has been here before, maybe he was duped by someone he fell for a long time ago that did him dirty? And he felt that the OP had him thinking he could start again? And the thought of this scared him to death? lol..why does this always haveto boil down to better women, more options and the op having major baggage? Tells me a little about you..
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:25 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,088,952 times
Reputation: 11796
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandavaran View Post
Just face the fact that you're on the back burner. Think about it. You like him because he's cute, probably got a good body and a good job and likely has some charm to boot. Guess what? Other women want him for those same reasons. The old adage about 90% of women chasing 10% of the top men is mostly true. You're always going to face a lot of competition. Right now, he has younger women, cuter and with less baggage than you that are pursuing him. He also has older women with more intelligence, accomplishments and sophistication that also want him.

There's no nice way to say this but he doesn't like you enough to want to pursue you. Not when he has so many other, more desirable choices. Why should he tell you this? You're not in a committed relationship. If things don't work out with the others and he hits a dry spell, you'll still be around. And you'll still be competing with all the other women who want the top dog.

If you want the top dogs, you have to pay the price. Don't play the silly "ignore him and drive him mad" games some people are spouting. Your best plan is to wait till he hits that dry spell, then when he contacts you and you get together, wow him with the best sex he ever had. Something really memorable and unique he won't ever forget.

The key to winning a man is sexual addiction. Make him want you more that he's ever wanted any other woman. The question is, are you woman enough to pull it off?
He may not like me enough to pursue me but I think most of your post is kind of ridiculous. I'm not trying to be vain but I have quite a lot of good things going for me. There are plenty of reasons why I'd be a good partner for a guy. He's facing competition too, or he could be. I was seeing a few other guys when I met him. It's not like this guy is my only hope for a date. He isn't some sort of God sitting up high on a throne while women fight each other just to be with him because he's so amazing.

And I really don't see anything wrong with having him over for dinner. It's dinner not a marriage proposal, not a trap or a hidden agenda to woo him. Really. It was just dinner. I think maybe he did get a little spooked, who knows. He definitely doesn't strike me as the type with a lot of game that he's out playing every woman he can...maybe I guess. He's divorced from his high school sweetheart who really burned him. Maybe he's just afraid to start dating again, afraid of getting hurt, or needs a little breathing room. I don't know.

I don't understand playing games. Yes, you have to play the game to a certain extent...be busy sometimes, don't be too available or too desperate, I get it...but it just seems like I'm going to get to my ultimate goal a lot faster if I cut out the games and am honest. I've played games in the past...it's like who can care less, who can be cooler about this, and that sucks. How do you know how the other person truly feels or they know how you feel if you're always playing some sort of game?
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Old 08-23-2012, 10:28 AM
 
Location: So Cal
52,006 posts, read 52,457,444 times
Reputation: 52520
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope View Post
They aren't silly.

They are applied science.

Human beings naturally value that which is difficult to obtain.

This is why diamonds and gold are so expensive, but glass and steel are not.

Availability and supply. Limit these, and the value increases.
While on the intial read, your posts sound logical, but in seeing the pattern in them, you clearly have some man hating issues.
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Old 08-23-2012, 10:47 AM
 
2,618 posts, read 6,154,138 times
Reputation: 2119
After a 6 month relationship where I thought I found the woman I was going to marry, preceded by many great dates followed with a fade which was always a tough pill to swallow.

In the last 6 months dating has been crazy easy for me.

The reason for this is I just don't think about finding someone as a goal. I believe in trying to meet people and hope for that spark, butnive just been burned enough to realize that finding someone isn't all that necessary. I have a lot of good things going on and you will be way happier if you try to build on other aspects of life. Don't shut out men and dating completely, but prioritize your life to make time to do the things you want to do. I. At a point now where I'd rather sit at home and play guitar than go on a date. So I make dating a last priority. I'd have to find a great girl with a strong connection for me to make time to see her.

Doing this will also help you stay indifferent to dating results. I've turned down a couple women I was dating recently with honest explanations and stayed friends. I've also had some women reject or fade one me too....it doesn't bother me at all. Now sometimes I think I'm too emotionally numb to care for someone and it is a concern, but I also know all too well what it's like to be hurt. I'd much rather be numb and where I am today. Essentially I can now date and leave open the small possibility of finding the right girl for me without any emotional risk and zero pressure if time.

Focus on doing other things that make you happy and if you meet someone along the way then consider it a bonus.
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:34 PM
 
4,868 posts, read 8,399,215 times
Reputation: 3161
I'm a lot like you. I care too much and try to be a nice girl. But I never ever ask a guy that is not my boyfriend if I'm going to see him at such and such a time/date. Anyways, what worked for me was just not giving a sh*t anymore. I still dated but I didn't care as much and then bam, I met my boyfriend while I was talking to 2 other guys, and surprisingly he asked me to be his g/f right away, as if he was afraid someone else was gonna snatch me up (he had no idea of the other guys). He had to ask me a few times too, only cause I wanted to see him a few more times before I agreed. I didn't just say "ok!!! I'll be your g/f...right now!!". I bet you he would have changed his mind if I was that eager to make it official. And no, he's not ugly. I was shooting for an average guy (its what I'm comfortable with anyways)...but he's actually extremely attractive (that's not why I"m dating him of course :-p). Although its very new, so I can't say its a complete success until its been a while...but my point is, it happened when I stopped caring. I don't agree with completely giving up because you can't find someone if you just stop dating or stop putting yourself around single men, but just stop caring about it so much.

Don't be eager, be interested but not overly eager and never ever initiate any contact beyond being considerate of something that happened to him (like this guys car breaking down). Definitely don't ask to see him. When he's your b/f and its serious and you know he wants to see you, you can definitely ask for his time then! Also, fill up your social schedule, that way any guy you're dating who asks to see you, doesn't always have access to you. He'll both wonder who you're dating and what you do in your life that's so much more interesting than him . Not to mention, it'll also distract you from wondering when you'll hear from the guy. I don't fully know what I"m talking about but I have noticed that even in friendships, if I stop caring what people think of me or if people like me, they want to be around me more. That's why the guys you don't like, want you!
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Old 08-23-2012, 10:00 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,125 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope View Post
This is why diamonds and gold are so expensive, but glass and steel are not.

Availability and supply. Limit these, and the value increases.
Diamonds are the most common precious gemstone around. They're priced high because the DeBeers cartel controls the supply, with rare exceptions. And they have that marketing campaign, "Diamonds are forever", and others, that work. DeBeers artificially limits the supply so they can increase the value, otherwise, diamonds would be ordinary.

Just thought I'd mention that.
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Old 08-23-2012, 10:01 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,125 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
I don't know...I try to treat guys nice and not play games. Show interest but not be smothering and I get screwed over. Maybe men really do like women who treat them like total crap. I honestly think I'm going to try it. Act like I don't give a crap...who knows. I know a lot of guys who have held onto women who treat them like dirt.
But would you want the kind of guy who likes that kind of woman?
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Old 08-24-2012, 12:25 AM
 
Location: The Present
2,006 posts, read 4,299,665 times
Reputation: 1987
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
It's not that I have trouble meeting guys. I have trouble meeting guys that I really like and that seem to actually want a relationship. Maybe I'm being too picky...but I don't want to just attach to someone just for the sake of having someone.
Well if you're surfing match.com, not only are you picky but you have a feeling of entitlement. Good relationships (the ones worth having) aren't the result of passive communications.

Get away from the computer, there are plenty of people in the street you can meet and interact with and have better results.

Just out of curiosity, what you rate yourself? on a numeric scale 1-10 (feel free to add height/weight).
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Old 08-24-2012, 12:42 AM
 
260 posts, read 471,824 times
Reputation: 484
I suppose the fact is, if he was the right one for you then you would not be questioning his behaviour.
From what I've heard if it's right it will flow quite naturally and feel comfortable.

I still don't underestand why some people seem to find a partner with apparent ease and some don't.
It doesn't have anything to do with what they look like or what their situation is, because such a huge variety of people are married or in relationships.
It's a great mystery to me.
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