Dating women with children (surrogate, wife, girlfriends, how to)
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Yes its very important. All the pieces matter. He needs to know this info to make an informed judgment. If she is not married and had unplanned kids, twice, it says that she is reckless. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
Not decision? judgement huh? Telling.
He's already made his "judgement"...and he just needs to move on. Hopefully she'd be wise enough not to jump through these kinds of hoops trying to prove herself worthy. He either wants her and her children, or he doesn't. It really is that simple.
He should have thought of these things MONTHS ago when he was first getting involved, not 6 months into it and after the kids have met him.
RUN! you shouldn't have even met the kids until you'd been dating for 6 months or more. The fact she brought you into their lives so soon is a major red flag. There's others, but I'm not going to be bemoan the point. GTFO as soon as you can. You'll thank me later, trust me.
I'm 26 and my girlfriend is 30 with two boys aged 4 and 6.
We have been together for about 6 months now and our relationship is great. We get on extremely well and I have never had such a connection with someone before. I love spending time with her and we have a lot in common but there are some issues regarding her children.
First of all, I am Muslim and my mother is completely against our relationship because she is a non-muslim who has had children out of wedlock. She hasn't even met my girlfriend and is judging her without meeting her first. She thinks that the only reason she is with me is because I can be the person who will provide for her and her kids. She also wants me to marry a Muslim girl who is younger and has no children. She also said that I should have the chance to start my own family and not walk into a ready made one. Her other issue is the fact that my girlfriend and her kids are not Muslim and how I would be able to raise my child (if we had one) Muslim when her/his brothers are not. My girlfriend has not ruled out converting and I would never force her to. If she was to, then I would want her to it from her heart and not because of me.
Their father is hardly in their lives and they only sees him once a month in a contact centre for a couple of hours. They never talk or ask about him but when I am not around they ask about me all the time and jump on as soon as walk through the door.
Its seems they are bonding with me very well but i dont feel like I have not bonded with them as well as i thought i would. When i'm not around, I hardly ever think about them. When we all went to an amusement park for the day or even when we go to the park i tend to feel really uncomfortable and I don't want to be there or do anything with them unless its in their house where no one can see. I feel like people are watching and judging me... as if they think i'm a complete idiot for even considering being with someone with children fathered by someone else. Is this normal????
I am very proud person and I am a firm believer that the male takes care of home. He is the one who provides security financially and emotionally.
I want to be with my girlfriend and I do see a future but I feel all these issues are getting in the way of us being truly happy within our relationship.
I really want to make this work but I feel that whenever I try and open a door, I find it locked.
I am at loss here and I would really appreciate some advice on how I can move forward positively.
All I got to say is good luck and think logiically and irrationally on your next best move whether or not you are going to ne with this single mother of two kids.
You deserve better so you need to break up with her. There are plenty of women out there that you can have a fantastic relationship with and they don't have any children.
I'd say she deserves better than someone who is being pressured by his family due to religious reasons, and due to his own issues with embarrassment and feeling judged by others.
There aren't any issues with her or her kids, the issues are all internal to the OP and his family beliefs.
Here you go.. if you can't do this then you should let her find that someone who will include her and her children in their future
You have to judge them on the past. It's dumb not to. If she was with 1,000 guys before, are you supposed to ignore that and just be happy that he got her future?
There is too much at stake for her to invest in you.
She should be the one posting this message. She is actually a little foolish, in my humble opinion, to bring you around her children, especially if she has any hint that you may feel this way.
At 6 months in, it's all peachy and the love vibes are flowing. When you've gotten past the "new" stage and reality sets in, your reservations about the kids and the muslim thing will nag at you.
I suggest you move on.
For her and the kids sake.
Ding! Ding! Ding!!! Ladies and germs we have a winner!! Time for you to consider the kids and move on Omar.
If you are asking this question....well you know the answer-move on and find someone that makes you 100% happy and secure-and when you do find "the one" you won't be asking these questions on forums.
Good luck
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