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I think as a wife you need to start being more respectful of his sexuality. You should feel privileged to be part of his life. I think you're being sneaky in trying uncover his personal doings. very inappropiate. Just because he married you doesnt mean he has to change his personality.
he lies because you incriminate his normal doing. Who do you think you are?
Ok, so with me accepting blame that I may have caused or contributed to his dishonesty ... Then how then should I be talking to my husband?.. Not being sarcastic, being real. I have tried all that I thought of, read about for MFT suggestions ..& I'm not getting anywhere. And the lies are not just porn.. Yes that happens to be one that did hurt my feelings as well, but not only.. He constantly changes stories that I don't understand change.. They aren't even things I ask him about because they are so insignificant.. Most I notice with him are the, I don't know, I'm not sure, not that I recall statements on random insignificant daily activities or errands. I'm upset about the possiblity that he has lied more since he never once told me the truth in over 5 years.... No I didn't ask him every day, but I'm sure there were plenty of times he could have just said, ya, I do... My logic.. Is that if he will lie to me about something he didn't see as a problem, then how can I beleive, really whole heatedly beleive he wouldn't lie to me about the things that are important.. If he lied to avoid me being upset, or to avoid an argument.. Then why wouldn't he also lie about something that would definetly cause an argument?.. And men, Id really like if you told me that yea you lie about porn, but actual physical infedelity you wouldn't.. I'd be happy to hear.. But only if that is the actual truth.
I think u already know the answer,,its just you don't want to believe what you think...so if you get proof (actual proof) that hes cheating, kick him to the curb,,,if you stay with it all because u love him then stay with him but don't keep harping about him cheating,,because thats what hes going to do--Cheat----u let it happen..if he knows he can get away with it with just some bitching from u, he will continue to cheat. U ain't leaving, thats probably what he thinks..
Confusedwife: I'd encourage you to sit down and have some honest heart to heart discussions with your husband. I wouldn't listen to all these folks who tell you your marriage is over. You sound genuinely interested in having a happy marriage and with some honest communication and love, and yes forgiveness, from both of you, I have no doubt that you can do that. However, that will take some listening, patience, and desire to accept the other with the faults that you both have. And when I say listening, I don't mean listening, and jumping in with a response, but real listening. It will also take time, and probably quite a bit of discussion and listening.
I would not suggest counseling. I think most of the shinks in the world are more messed up than the people they are thinking they can help. You two can do it on your own if the bottom line is that you love each other, you want the marriage to work and you're committed to each other.
Never before in my life have I heard so many people spout so much bullcrap, and miss the point by so much on a single thread.
No wonder the OP is confused listening to half of you asshats.
I really hope she can pick out the ones who are genuinely trying to help from the ones who've missed the point altogether.
Confusedwife: I'd encourage you to sit down and have some honest heart to heart discussions with your husband. I wouldn't listen to all these folks who tell you your marriage is over. You sound genuinely interested in having a happy marriage and with some honest communication and love, and yes forgiveness, from both of you, I have no doubt that you can do that. However, that will take some listening, patience, and desire to accept the other with the faults that you both have. And when I say listening, I don't mean listening, and jumping in with a response, but real listening. It will also take time, and probably quite a bit of discussion and listening.
I would not suggest counseling. I think most of the shinks in the world are more messed up than the people they are thinking they can help. You two can do it on your own if the bottom line is that you love each other, you want the marriage to work and you're committed to each other.
If you had cancer you'd go to the doctor and be treated. If your car broke down you'd take it to the mechanic. Getting a third party to help you through a difficult emotional issue can be very useful. Most therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists are well trained and professional. If your experience has been differnt, that's a shame, but many a relationship has been saved through counseling and many a person has lived a happier life. To suggest otherwise is ridiculous.
I think as a wife you need to start being more respectful of his sexuality. You should feel privileged to be part of his life. I think you're being sneaky in trying uncover his personal doings. very inappropiate. Just because he married you doesnt mean he has to change his personality.
he lies because you incriminate his normal doing. Who do you think you are?
This is all your fault in my opinion
But of course you would think so
People with actual marriage experience understand that it takes TWO to make it or break it.
If you had cancer you'd go to the doctor and be treated. If your car broke down you'd take it to the mechanic. Getting a third party to help you through a difficult emotional issue can be very useful. Most therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists are well trained and professional. If your experience has been differnt, that's a shame, but many a relationship has been saved through counseling and many a person has lived a happier life. To suggest otherwise is ridiculous.
It's a sad fact that some of those those who themselves could benefit the most from some time with a good therapist are often the ones who will not get it and adamantly insist that no one else should either
Never before in my life have I heard so many people spout so much bullcrap, and miss the point by so much on a single thread.
No wonder the OP is confused listening to half of you asshats.
I really hope she can pick out the ones who are genuinely trying to help from the ones who've missed the point altogether.
I am praying for her sense of discernment, both here and in her real life
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