Husband hiding porn habit, lies and am I wrong to be upset & wonder if there's more I don't know? (boyfriend, lesbian)

[HTY483]

Originally Posted by smarterguy

Porn is just an escape.

Exactly. It's part of a fantasy world. Most men would not actually want to sleep with those women. Most men.

[HTY483]

Originally Posted by DSGray

I have seen dating sites, craigs list, etc through out the years.

Whoa, hold on. Checking out naked pictures of Scarlett Johanssen every now and then is very different from signing up on dating sites. Major no no and indicates that he's been cheating on you.

[cosmic_girl]

I don't think there's anything wrong with watching porn. It's not something to be jealous or insecure about. It's only entertainment. I used to burn porn collections for my BF to watch.

Your husband just watching porn shouldn't be a cause for concern. But the problem is he signed up in a hook up site where there is interaction.

[cyberphonics]

I wouldn't be concerned about the porn. Even the lying about the porn. It's one of those common things many guys just feel it's easier for everyone involved to hide or not get into rather than having to explain themselves repeatedly to a significant other who clearly isn't okay with it regardless of how open they claim to be about it (point blank, a woman who is actually that open and understanding about porn won't feel the need to interview their man about it in the first place or constantly try to intrude upon it).

What would concern me are sites he signed up for or searches he's actively done that may indicate he's pursuing something offline. Some sites will commonly pop up when he goes to other porn sites so a site just being in his history doesn't necessarily mean anything. Craigslist isn't one of those sites that gets spammed, so I'd be curious about that...

[monumentus]

Originally Posted by DSGray

not many people realize the harm in porn when someone has an addiction.

That has nothing to do with Porn. At all. It has everything to do with addiction. ADDICTION is the problem - not porn - and the focus of peoples addictions is a long list of which porn is only a single example.

Too many people when discussing things like porn - alcohol - drugs - and so on conflate the two conversations. The Problem of Addiction is a problem in and of itself and should be dealt with as such.

And addiction usually is the symptom of a problem - rather than the problem itself. Addressing and removing the focus of the addiction - for example if you somehow managed to get your husband to delete all this alleged porn and never look at any again - likely will not actually address whatever the actual problems you guys are having really is.

[LibertyandJusticeforAll]

Men internally are animals, women are animals too but have had enough society norms accepted that sex is "about love and marriage etc" cheating this and cheating that and sex is an emotional etc.

When men are married they are stuck and to them the complex of wanting other women just because with a few clicks of the mouse can get off without cuddling talking and just want to release.

All men want to have sex with other women as often as possible. Some men act on it and it has nothing to do with being happy at home. Some men like to escape and just release and in their mind they are getting what they need from watching a dirty **** on the screen and or any other fantasy they have.

My advise is to be a dirty **** at home, dont talk about it, or bring up your need to get him off porn.
Just say your horny and start talking like a dirty ****, let him watch his porn if he is on a website for a certain porn see what it is and if you can do that fantasy just make it happen. Porn is a tool for men, its a no ego needing can *** fast and get it out of the way need. In whatever crazy PORN way. Sometimes just even thinking about meeting another women even if you dont is like a secret dirty fantasy and nothing more and also PORN. Its exciting to make a fake account, and or whatever just feel like you can do it, like you still are a man not shackled in a happy marriage but still shackled to a forever compromising daily life of work, kids, house, bills etc etc. Porn is CONTROL.

I suspect your man has some secret bdsm bondage fantasy and or fetish.

[belladee]

I am a girl and i watch porn. I NEVER cheat. What i think most women think is that they men are looking at a woman in porn and that they desire that particular type of looking women over them. that is not the case

its about watching sex.. and masturbating. It is not about wanting something different then what they have. its kinda of a non share kind of thing at those moments.. unless you are specifically sharing that in the bedroom together then its a sharing thing, in that moment.

Guys lie cause they dont want to get in trouble. thats all.

it says Nothing about You or his feelings for you or lack of feelings or lack of interest or attraction. Nothing.

here is the only part that concerns me *It was a site u can sign up for free & meet sex buddies for all types of encounters - including discrete encounters for married people interested in affairs

sometimes when you are on a porn site all these other sites pop up.. so that could explain that. you can probably look into that further and see if he signed up, check emails and so forth.. then thats is an issue to worry about. otherwise porn watching and lying about it is pretty typical.

[houstan-dan]

I didn't read the novel originally posted, but I will say this. He likely lies because he's embarrassed to be looking at porn even though he has a ready and willing woman.

I love my girlfriend to death, she's the epitome of amazing. She's amazing as a girlfriend, and also beautiful, 100% my type physically, and perfect for me sexually.

That being said, I still look at porn a couple times a week. Not because I find the women to be beautiful (often they are nowhere as beautiful as she is) but just because it's "different."

I would never cheat on my girlfriend, however I certainly enjoyed the variety when I was single, even if I wasn't as attracted to some than others. I was more of a.. "I'll take five 7's over one 10" kind of guy...

Watching porn I guess let's me sort of "re-live" a little of that, but I'm not "really" cheating. My girlfriend hasn't asked so I haven't had to lie, but if she did I would probably be truthful and downplay it a little. The ONLY thing I ever miss about being single was the constant variety, if some occasional porn let's me get past that, then so be it.

When I was single I hardly looked at it so it wasn't like some kind of addiction, I just had what was available to me already.

[MJ7]

I believe porn can become an addiction, I remember hearing about it in health class back in grade school. Some men can't get off without it. They literally obsess over it. If any man is not willing to sleep with their SO and the SO knows he watches porn on the daily and lies about it then I would say he has a porn addiction. Good luck with that.

[Camlon]

Originally Posted by Confusedwife

We have been together about 10 years, got married about 2 years ago. *(Had i been privy to this habit of his, i am not sure we would have wed) Many years ago I stumbled across porn on the home PC and he denied it at first but ended up telling me some was his.

That is the problem. Since nearly all guys watch porn, then you will either end up with
1. Someone who watches porn, but lies about it
2. Someone who watches porn, and is honest about it
3. Someone who doesn't watch porn, but is asexual

#1 is what you got, you will reject #2 and #3 will make you miserable. Yes, it was wrong of him to lie about it, but your attitude was wrong in the first place.